Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

I am confident your son will grow up a loving and social boy with tons of friends and family--that is all that matters in the end

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

I used to be adamant that we would have another child. DH always wanted 1. I told him 2 kids were not negotiable for me before we got married.

Now that we are here, I am starting to change my mind. While I would love to give DD a sibling, right now we just can't manage the financial burden. DH's biggest fear is that we will both work so hard to support our family, and not spend enough time enjoying them. He'd rather have a nice lifestyle with 1 than struggle and work all the time like his dad for 2 kids.

Not to mention time. As a working mom, I can't imagine splitting the time I spend with Jordana wiht another child right now. I feel like Jordana needs me so much, I want to be there focused on her as much as I can.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

ask DH how he would feel about being an only?

Growing up I later realized that almost all of my really great friends throughout the years have been onlys. Even now, my NC bff is an only.

I don't know if they are attracted to me or me to them...but they are all well rounded, social, together people.

In school, I think only's loved hanging out at my house because there were so many kids there. But then I loved going over to their house for the privacy and peacefulness of it all.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Kate -

I am in the same boat. I was told there is a very good chance I might die if I became pregnant again. I know know how it feels, it sucks. Plain and simple.

BUT...

You have to focus on what you do have. It is SO difficult and I am not saying brush your feelings under the rug, but what is helpful to me is to separate feeling from facts.

-The facts are you have one healthy child.
-The facts are you are a amazing mom
-The facts are you can adopt
-The facts are you are healthy
-The facts are you and you DH love each other
-The facts are Christopher knows he is loved and that is ALL that matters.

Some of these facts are true for me, some are not. I have felt like crying every time someone announces their pregnancy on here with #2, #3, or #4 or more. This is part of the reason I do not frequent Parenting anymore..as Grace gets older I feel like I do not belong anymore, KWIM?

Point is, it is HARD work NOT to go into the pits of despair but you owe it to yourself, DH and Christopher to not let it consume you. Give yourself time to grieve and be gentle with yourself. If you need a break from Parenting hang with me on NFR.

It is so hard, a daily battle, but just think you will NEVER be one of those moms who complain about their kids. I was at Chuck E cheese today with my mom and Grace. One little girl hit my DD and I said something to the mom who was BSing with her 5 mommy friends instead of watching her kid. She said sorry to me and then told me that her DD was "a pain in the azz and not like her son who would NEVER do that" and that she is "unruly and a handful". I politely told her "WOW. I wish I had another DD that was a handful, I cannot have anymore children" then, I pointed to my scar on my chest. She said "I am so sorry" and walked away embarrassed.
I feel that she needed to be verbally slapped in to reality. I was proud of myself. I thought that maybe, just maybe with my words I can say something that would make someone else THANKFUL for what they HAVE. Maybe she will hold her DD a little closer tonight knowing that although she is a handful, she is so so blessed to have her.

Message edited 11/6/2008 4:19:48 PM.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Posted by monkeybride

Is adopting an option?
I'm so sorry.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

what exactly was it that you had? I had severe morning sickness where I had to go on zofran and was puking beyond belief. I kept telling the DR I didnt want to go through with this. I remember those feelings. Everyone said you would forget buy ya dont. Honestly, thats what stopped me from wanting another before this time. I would like 1 more maybe this yr or next but if the ssame thing happens again...I am done. How did you get through your pregnancy?

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by Mikismom

why can't you have more children if that is what you want? If that is too personal, I am sorry. Tell me to go scratch

for me, I want to give dd a sibling. That does not mean I think people with only one child are doing their family a disservice

Steph, I had such a horrible pregnancy that I just can't do it again, I don't have it in me, I am not strong enough to do it and I can't do it to Christopher and DH again.

Donna posted recently about women who had hyperemsis who have PTSD and I am really starting to think I do, it has been 18 months and I shudder at the thought of living that again.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

I 100% understand and only this last PG made me realize I could do it, but there was a time I was so scared Kate.

Like you mentioned this past PG I decided to seek help and some of these women have severe PTSD and many who tried for YEARS and had IVF to have babies had abortions b/c they simply were not strong enough.

While maybe our cases were not 100% as bad as theirs it does show what or how hard it is and I get it I do.

I had told DH I would NEVER get PG again when I was with Noah as I couldnt ever imagine it.

And then somehow this last PG I just managed to deal. You know What it wa slike, throwing up blood, losing weight, being sooo scared but having Noah somehow helped. It made my days go faster and made me not focus 200% on the sickness.

This is not an effort to convince you to have a baby. Not at all.

Its saying that I felt that way too and I feel And I will try to do it again, but NO ONE would ever tell you if they REALLY understood to have another and its a decision only you can make.

I will always be there to help you get through it like you did for me if you decide to, but DONT let pressure get to you.

Message edited 11/6/2008 7:18:41 PM.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by Mikismom

why can't you have more children if that is what you want? If that is too personal, I am sorry. Tell me to go scratch

for me, I want to give dd a sibling. That does not mean I think people with only one child are doing their family a disservice

Steph, I had such a horrible pregnancy that I just can't do it again, I don't have it in me, I am not strong enough to do it and I can't do it to Christopher and DH again.

Donna posted recently about women who had hyperemsis who have PTSD and I am really starting to think I do, it has been 18 months and I shudder at the thought of living that again.

Trust me, I think about my hyperemesis all the time. But really would love another baby someday. I have heard that it's possible it can happen in 1 pregnancy but not another, so I'm banking on that.

Having a sibling does not weigh in on a child's happiness. Does he have cousins he is close with? I didn't have a sibling until I was 11. I was close with my cousins - they were like sisters to me.

Maybe you aren't ready now but you will be in a few years, or maybe not. If YOU are happy and Christopher is happy, enjoy it now.