sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

how do you handle the younger children in your lives when they do something bad/wrong/inappropriate/outofline etc etc etc?

I have always been one to speak directly to the child. I don't go to the parent. if a child is misbehaving or something and I see, they hear MY voice.

if they do something wrong while they are with me, I punish them.

I was just wondering how it works in other families. I fully hope that the close adults in Newton's life do the same.

but I think maybe other families are different. what do you do? and what will you expect from others in relation to your children?

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

My nephews, my sisters children, I will discipline. They are like my own and my sister doesn't mind. My sil's children..if the parents aren't around and they are doing something they shouldn't be doing I will say somethign to the child but not as stern as if it were my sisters kids.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

It's the same in my family. If DS and a cousin are playing and maybe one is getting a little rough or hits, I will say "no hitting, that's not nice, play nice together". And I have no problem with someone telling my son the same. If it is a continous thing and the child is being blatantly mean, I would tell the mom or dad but have never had to so far.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

In my family anything goes. If I see my young cousin doing/saying something wrong I will tell him. I saw my 10 yr old cousin at 7-11 when I knew he was NOT supposed to be there, I pulled over and made him get in my car and took him home. My aunt was thrilled I did. We have no problem correcting a wrong in iur family. Its just what we do. Anything goes but hitting. I would respect the same if it were my DS!

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

I have seven nieces and nephews and if I see them do something wrong/questionable, I have no problem saying something to them. I would hope that my sisters and brothers would do the same for my children. They say "it takes a village..."

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

Personally, I don't interfere, I find that it causes too many problems. We have too many opinions in our family.

I actually had a disagreement with my cousin, when I encouraged his children to learn to share and play together. He said no they should learn to give up whats not theirs.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

I only have one niece and nephew... They are on my husband's side. I have never corrected them, but I've also never really been around them without their parents.

His brother did try to "yell" at my 15 month old once and I was not a big fan of that. Especially since we were right there taking care of the situation.

I do however allow most of my close friends and family to correct my son. I would expect anyone I leave him with to discipline him if he needed it.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

It depends on if I think the person is a good parent or not and whether I like them I guess. Like my sister, parents, FIL, my friends, most of my aunts, and some of DH's friends could take care of it themselves and I trust them. But for a few of my aunts and my SIL, I would be if they tried to yell at or punish my child because they're bad parents and/or not my favorite people.

For my 2 nieces (or actually DH's nieces) I just take care of it myself because their mother doesn't do anything about it.

Message edited 8/18/2009 3:56:34 PM.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

My siblings raise their children much the way we were raised - to be respectful of the adults in their lives. I will correct them if necessary, but usually if their parents are around I don't need to - typically they do it first.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

Well, I don't have any siblings and FH has one nephew that lives in VA and we don't see very often. So, this doesn't really pertain to me. But, personally, I would be very upset if anyone disciplined my DD in a way that I wasn't ok with. If there is a safety issue and immediate attention is needed, that is one thing. However, in terms of moral values and other sorts of things, it is my job to raise my child and instill my values in her. If somebody were to discipline her in a way that I felt was too harsh, or in a way where the values/lessons were in contradiction to my teachings, they would hear it from me big time. Again, there is an exception for safety issues, and if the person doing any sort of disciplining knows my style and their words/actions conform to my style, then I would be ok with it.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

I will do it myself if it is my siblings (they are significantly younger than me) or my nieces or nephews. As for my nieces and nephews, I don't punish them, but I do talk to them and if they did something to their cousin or sibling, I make them apologize. But not with someone else's child. In that case, I go to the parent.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

We have 15 nieces and nephews and I can say I handle the situation differently with each of them.

I am more free to discipline on my side of the family because I know that they are very strict, and I know what their parents would/would not stand for.

With my inlaws I don't say anything and if there was something that needed to be addressed I would probably tell the parents. Except for my BIL's son - I know how they parent my nephew so I pretty much treat it the same as I do my own family (If that makes any sense at all)

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

Exactly, you are trusted enough to watch the kids, they know that you have good judgement when it comes to discipline.

I would also hope that any member of my family would say something if they saw Jack doing something he wasn't supposed to.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

My sister's kids I feel I have more lattitude - if my nephew misbehaves I'll reprimand him and tell him what was wrong. The others, obviously if they're in danger or doing something inappropriate, I'll say somethign to them and then tell the parents later.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

It depends on which side of the family. My siblings dont' have children yet but I would feel way more comfortable reprimanding their behaviors then my in-laws. I am very close to my nieces and nephews on my husband's side but there is no way I'm raising my voice to them. If it's inappropriate behavior that is not dangerous I ignore it because it goes away most of the time because it's typical attention seeking behavior that will only increase if I acknowledge it. If it's dangerous I will directly tell them or my sister/brother in laws.

Re: sorta spinoff...nieces, nephews, younger relatives etc.

I discipline my nieces and nephews from my side of the family, but not my niece from my husband's side. I expect that my family members and DH's family members will discipline my child as well. Although I can tell you that I will probably be annoyed when DH's family does it