Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

I am surprised how common the feeling is among women that they were missing the 'microchip' for being a mom. I have never felt that way.

As a child I always imagined what type of mother I would be. If I did something fun I would tell myself I wanted to do that with my kids (I must have been like 9). Almost all my decisions in life were always ruled by "what would my kids think". A huge reason I joined the military was to show my 'future' children what a woman/mom is capable of. My driving force in life was to set examples so I could be a role model based off of experience. All my instincts told me I was born to be a mother.

When it was the right time to have a child, every moment was like a miracle. We had our struggles with staying PG but we were patient. I was never fearful of changes in body, my mothering skills, etc. I really only fretted over the nursery and wanting it to be done (my nesting was insane). I guess I felt everything would come naturally and there was no need to worry myself. My pregnancy was the best time of my life. I always felt beautiful (even with an extra 50 and when I broke the toilet seat). I tried to cherish every moment (good and bad) because it is a miracle that you may only experience once in your life (if at all). I hope to experience it again.

IMO being a mother is the most selfless task one could take. You acquire a brand new dimension to your personality that you don't expect. You have a deep love that you never knew existed, no matter how much you thought you knew.

I realize my perspective is not the same as many women (because I think I have a HUGE mother microchip) but I am very curious if other moms felt the same way or different then I before having a child?

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

I didn't feel the same way. I never yearned to be a mom. Never looked at babies/kids and thought "I can't wait". Never. Not once.

I loved kids. I played with them. I babysat them. I adored & loved my nephew & nieces to pieces.

I had amazingly easy pregnancies but wasn't happy the way I looked. I had the easiest deliveries & recoveries of anyone I knew - and the beginning was hard. Ok, the beginning...the overwhelming part sucked, but I loved it just the same.

I don't think people like me are missing a microchip. I think we all put our stock & define ourselves into different ways. No way is the right way.

I don't think it makes me any less of a mom for not feeling that way before having children. I define myself as a mom on how I act since having children. I wouldn't change it for the world. My favorite part of my life is having a family (and that includes DH because while it's amazing to have kids, it's a thousand times better when I look at him & know he's feeling the same way I am).

I don't know that I'd define being a mother as the most selfless task I could take. I may have to wake up in the middle of the night, use a vacation day for my child being sick, get up early when I want to sleep late - but without question I am the winner. I gained so much more than I could ever fathomed from having my children. I am the one that has a better of understanding of how I really am - and what I am really capable of - since having children.

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

I always wanted to be a mom, for ME, my life would not be complete without children...if I had the money and a large house, I would have like 5 kids

the moment that dd was born, that first time I laid eyes on her, nothing beats that moment.

But I think we are going to stop at 3, if we even have another after #2

Message edited 3/16/2009 12:50:23 PM.

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

Nope, not me. I think I'm the voice of every woman who was TERRIFIED of having children. Truth is, most of my adult life I never wanted them and just assumed I would never get married, let alone, have children.

Growing up, I never fantasized about my future married life and children. I fantasized about what college I would go to, and my future career as a power businesswoman, or a saavy attorney, or as a U.S. Supreme Court Justice.

But, truth is, when I met my husband, something clicked and I wanted to have a child. That's not to say I wasn't terrified throughout that I wouldn't have any maternal intincts, because I never really did. I never liked kids, even though they always seemed to gravitate me, I never wanted to hold my friend's babies, etc.

And to be perfectly honest, I remember when I was PG a woman told me, oh trust me, you'll never go back to work, when that baby comes out you'll fall so deeply in love, and when she said that I thought to myself, um, yeah, I don't see that happening... and I was right.

I'm not ashamed that when my DD was born it turned my world upside down and I had a REALLY rough start. I didn't fall in love with that odd little collicky crying being at first sight. At first sight I thought what is this thing and what am I supposed to do with it?

But with time we bonded, and within months I fell madly in love with her. And all those maternal instincts I feared never lived within me started to trickle out. And I'm proud to say that the one thing I was most fearful of failing in life is the one thing I think I am the most successfull with - in being a mother to my daughter.

So, no matter what angle you come at motherhood from, it doesn't matter. Whether you dreamt of having children from the day you were born, or were repulsed by them for most of your life, that's not the defining characteristic of what will make a good mother.

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

I always knew I wanted to be a mom and I always wanted a lot of kids, however I think it is at once the most selfless AND the most selfish thing in the world.

Selfless because if done right you are guiding and raising and nurturing another human being and the well being of your child takes precedence over you.

Selfish because we bring them into this world to fulfill our desire to be a mom (or dad) and because we grow more than we ever thought possible.

Message edited 3/16/2009 1:08:50 PM.

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

Well, I didn't really ever think about having kids when I was younger and I didn't really think of what type of mother that I would be like when I was younger.

Even when I was pregnant I didn't know what type of mother I'd be.

I actually surprise myself that I am able to handle what I am able to handle and how great our lives have turned out.

Now, I don't think I can ever be pregnant again--but that doesn't really have to do witht his...

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

i can't really answer that poll because i felt differently at various times of my life.

when i was younger i never thought i would even want to get married. then i grew older (and maybe wiser? )and i understood that if i found the right guy, i'd want to marry him.

i never ever ever wanted kids. i was too selfish - i enjoyed my life, my freedom, my body. i didn't want any of that to change. plus i always found kids to be so annoying.

then i met my husband. and within a week i could not imagine spending my life with anyone else, and i wanted more than ANYTHING to have his children. i wasn't obsessed but i can honestly say i wouldn't have cared whether or not we ever got engaged or married first - i wanted to make babies with this man!

i think that having a child with my husband is my single greatest accomplishment in my life. we have created a person that we absolutely ADORE and cherish. the fact that our love allowed us to bring a PERSON into this world just blows my mind, every single day.

so maybe that "microchip" was buried in me all along, but it took meeting the love of my life for it to surface.

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

I never thought about having kids when I was younger. I knew I wanted them, but it wasn't a deep desire. When my DH and I got married, I was very content with it just being the two of us. Then, after about 3 years of being married, I felt I was ready. It was just a feeling that came over me.

But...I was also scared to death! Scared of everything, of taking care of a baby, losing my carefree lifestyle. I thought what if I don't fall in love with her right away? But I knew that would be normal anyway. I was never a "kid" person.

When she was born, I fell in love instantly. The first few weeks I just cried because I loved her so much. I felt such deep happiness. My heart would just swell and still does. I can't believe how much I love her. It's crazy, especially when I think back to how I used to feel/think.

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

Posted by nrthshgrl

I should have waited for your response because I knew I'd agree with every word.

Including wanting a child when you met your DH.

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

I think all the different perspectives and the feelings that go along with each post are fascinating.

Everyone's journey into motherhood is different, it's great that some may relate while others may not but all the journey's are interesting.

When I was a kid I thought everyone thought the same things as me (of course I learned otherwise) which is why I posted the question. I am now convinced I had too many baby dolls LOL!

BTW
I only called it a microchip because I read the term elsewhere.

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

Oh lord...totally missing that chip!!

Even from the beginning...I remember while playing with my dolls as a kid, my mom pulled me to the side and explained, "You know when I was a little girl, I used to pretend I was the mommy." You see, I always pretended to be the babysitter. Does that say it all, or what?

I never babysat, never liked kids, never had a life's mission to be a mom. Yet, I always wanted a family...and a big one at that. I'll be honest, now even as a mother of two and as someone planning to have more...I'm still feel I'm missing that chip.

When my DD was born, I never had that "love at first sight" thing. When I went back to work, I went back happily and I didn't shed a tear. When I left my job to become a SAHM after DD#2 was born, I left kicking and screaming and by way of juxtaposition, oh how I cried--A LOT!

Even now, I STILL really don't enjoy little kids (except for my own ). As a SAHM, I'll read to them all day; I'll dance; I'll even color--but I can't stand playing with them--you know, on the floor playing Barbie type stuff. I used to feel guilt over that, but you know something...I LOVE my girls and I LOVE being their mom and they love me and that's all that matters.

You know, my friends and family know me and they couldn't wait to see me as a mom. My own mom had low expectations. But I asked her last week, "So am I what you expected to be as a mother?" And she told me I blow away each and every one of those expectations. She told me she can't imagine a better mom...and I'm not too bad if I do say so myself.

So chipless women...fear not! There are all kinds of awesome moms!

Message edited 3/16/2009 1:55:01 PM.

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

Posted by Eireann

Oh lord...totally missing that chip!!

Even from the beginning...I remember while playing with my dolls as a kid, my mom pulled me to the side and explained, "You know when I was a little girl, I used to pretend I was the mommy." You see, I always pretended to be the babysitter. Does that say it all, or what?

I remember being asked what we were going to be when we grew up & most of the little girls said "a mommy". I said "a truck driver or a vet"

Message edited 3/16/2009 1:58:46 PM.

Re: Spinoff - The Mother Microchip

Posted by nrthshgrl

Posted by Eireann

Oh lord...totally missing that chip!!

Even from the beginning...I remember while playing with my dolls as a kid, my mom pulled me to the side and explained, "You know when I was a little girl, I used to pretend I was the mommy." You see, I always pretended to be the babysitter. Does that say it all, or what?

I remember being asked what we were going to be when we grew up & most of the little girls said "a mommy". I said "a truck driver or a vet"

And I always said a criminal lawyer