Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

Let me preface, I have seen this kind of posty on here a million times, and honestly never read them. I don't want to get into SAHM vs WM, but it's hitting AND HARD that in a month I will be leaving him, and I can't even breathe.

So his whole life he gets me at night and on weekends? What if he forgets me or loves me less or loves her (nanny) more? What if 12 weeks isn't enough to let him know I love him more than anything in the world?

When he cries, I soothe him. When he wakes up, he sees me first. Now all of this is going to change...

I am sitting here teary eyed, while the little guy is laughing and grunting in his sleep.

How do you do it?

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

I've done it both, SAH and FTWM. I want to tell you that I think that it is QUALITY time, not the quantity of time that you spend with him.

I am home iwth my DS now, and I honestly feel like our "quality" time was better when I worked

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

I know your pain. I worked so hard for my career throughout my 20s and early 30s...I did very well. Once my DS was born in December, I found a love that I never, ever knew existed. I was and am overwhelmed by the intensity and am shocked that motherhood became my new and relentless calling. My FMLA expires March 1st. I struggled for weeks whether or not to go back....my company even gave me a promotion and allowed me to work 3 days per week for a year. I just can't leave him. I don't care about the money or the prestige or the contribution or the self-empowerment. I just can't say 'see you later' every day. And so I'm not. I'm taking an extended leave of absence and I have no idea how we will financially survive. But, I'd rather be living in a cardboard box with my son nuzzling against me than have to work for a living. I know that you may not have that option..and I really don't either..but I just can't. So...no advice, just Everyone who goes back says that it gets easier after the initial adjustment. I know that's true...I wish you peace and contentment. And just know....your child will ALWAYS love you most. No one can compare to Mommy...not ever. He will not forget you...he'll smell you walking through the door and be filled with the excitement and butterflies to see you.

Message edited 2/8/2010 11:37:30 AM.

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

It's difficult but here's what I know - there is NO ONE like mommy. No one can replace the love you have for him.

You may see him less during the work week but you have to just cherish the time you do have with him. When I work, it's work - and then when I get home from work - it's just about my family. I don't cook, clean, talk on the phone, etc. during the work week while they're awake. When I was working (on still on leave now) with Ryan, I would come home, and do nothing but be with him until he went to bed. On weekends, I tried to do whatever chores I had during nap. I did my food shopping after he went to sleep. Anything to maximum quality time.

He will know you love him - whether or not you work

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

Im right there with you! I don't want to go back to work. I don't want someone else being there for him all day, I want to be the one there for him. I want to see the first time he sits up, crawls, talks, ect.. It kills me that I will only see him at night and weekends. Not to mention I really wanted to start going to the gym but theres no way I can do that after work when Im barely going to see DS as it is. I've been literally begging my DH to let me stay home but if we want to get a house anytime in the near future, I have to go back

Sorry no advice here but I know how you are feeling

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

you are not pathetic! I had the same fears you did, and wound up crying so hard to my DH that I started hyperventilating (which has never happened to me) 1 week before I had to go back to work. I went back when DS was 16 weeks old. DS was watched by inlaws and was so happy every AM when I dropped him off. he loved being there and it made me feel so much better about going to work.

try to enjoy the time you have home with him one thing that helped me was to take a couple of fridays off right when I got back to work so I had short weeks to look forward to

ETA

I should tell you (after reading others posts) I worked until DS was 10 months and couldn't do it anymore. I wound up leaving my job bc I missed him so much. Give it a shot and see how you feel a few months in, you may like being back at work

Message edited 2/8/2010 12:09:55 PM.

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

I stayed home for 4.5 months and felt the same the last month before returning to work. Every day I dreaded that I was one day closer.

I can tell you for me, it wasn't as bad as I expected. But then again, I was expecting a living hell(which it sounds like you are too!)

This is my second week. I get to work & try to stay focused on work. I don't call daycare & check on her, as I found it made me sad. She's fine, if she wasn' t they would call me.
When I get within 2 hours of leaving, I get very excited to go home and see that face.

I really dont run errands during the week, I do everything on the weekends when DH is home. I dont want our quality time to be in the car/stores.

He's soo young he'll transition easily. it will be harder on you.
But you are his mommy & no one can take that place. It will be okay.

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

Posted by Grill

I know your pain. I worked so hard for my career throughout my 20s and early 30s...I did very well. Once my DS was born in December, I found a love that I never, ever knew existed. I was and am overwhelmed by the intensity and am shocked that motherhood became my new and relentless calling. My FMLA expires March 1st. I struggled for weeks whether or not to go back....my company even gave me a promotion and allowed me to work 3 days per week for a year. I just can't leave him. I don't care about the money or the prestige or the contribution or the self-empowerment. I just can't say 'see you later' every day. And so I'm not. I'm taking an extended leave of absence and I have no idea how we will financially survive. But, I'd rather be living in a cardboard box with my son nuzzling against me than have to work for a living. I know that you may not have that option..and I really don't either..but I just can't. So...no advice, just Everyone who goes back says that it gets easier after the initial adjustment. I know that's true...I wish you peace and contentment. And just know....your child will ALWAYS love you most. No one can compare to Mommy...not ever. He will not forget you...he'll smell you walking through the door and be filled with the excitement and butterflies to see you.

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

OMG you are just like I was.

A month to the day before I went back to work I started to cry, and continued to for the next 5 weeks. And I hated my babysitter before she gave me reason to (and she DID give me reasons). I won't even tell you what she said to me in the days leading up to me going back to work, but suffice it to say I hung up the phone and put my head down and cried my eyes out.

Here's the reality. You are MOMMY. No one else will ever come close. No one else can EVER replace you no matter what. A nanny may occupy DC's time during the day but only YOU occupy his heart. You will see the light in his eyes when he sees you at the end of the day. He'll break your heart when he's older and he says "no mommy, don't go!!!" when you leave for work - but it's all a testament to how much he loves and needs his mother.

My DD is 2 and very independent, and yet this morning she still begged me not to leave her when I dropped her off at daycare. Mondays are rough.

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

Nan, I had to leave Luce at six little weeks.

just SIX. he was so tiny. so little. and I had the same anxiety attacks you did )and I still do).

well, I've been back to work almost 10 weeks now..and he is almost four months.

there is NO denying that he is partial to me. when he hears my voice, he looks for me...when he sees me, his body moves in my direction....he knows exactly who I am.

it's quite inexplicable, but I really believe that if you show them who you are...and how you live for them they will know you and respond to you no matter how much time you are away each day.

every day we laugh and sing and talk and dance together. we stare into each others eyes, make funny faces, read books and clap hands.

I whisper in his ear how much I love him...how much I live for him and want his happiness health and safety more than anything in this world. I whisper his name in his ear like it's my only prayer in the world.

and I believe that he just FEELS how much I love him. and how much his father loves him.

and I just think that when it is given, a mother's love is absorbed by her child via every pore in their little bodies when we hold them.

they just...know.

and as long as that love is coming from you, he will NEVER forget.

when will EJ and Luce first hang and begin their quest for world domination?

Message edited 2/8/2010 12:03:56 PM.

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

I was where you are not to long ago. If I could I'd be home with him in a second, but I can't. One good thing is that the time I spend with him now is more quality time. When I walk into the room at day care he sees me and he smiles. He knows I'm his mom. Your baby will too.

Re: Spinoff to my own post--I'm pathetic. How am I going to go back to work and leave him. First mommy anxiety attack--How did/do you do it?

Honestly - the anxiety and antipation of doing it is worse than actually doing it -
I made myself sick over the the thought of going back and 'leaving' him - but you kind of just suck it up and do it, and you deal with it - and it's NOT as bad in reality as it is in your head at this very moment - I promise you that !!
It's not easy, but it's not as bad as I can imagine youi're making yourself crazy over ...........b/c I did the same thing -

And yes, your time w/ him will be nights and weekends and vacations - but it's YOUR time and he knows and will continue to know YOU are his Mommy.


A piece of advice, don't think about him 'knowing' you or 'recognizing' you - he's too little and you'll make yourself very upset - Sean started at 6 months and even then he was like "see ya" and could care less when I left, and when I got home, sometimes he would barely look at me -

Now that he's older (9 months) he doesn't get upset when I leave (thank god) but he looks at me like "hmmm, where are you going?" so he notices, and when I come home or pick him up he's SO excited to see me. -
When he's sick, he wants me, when he's tired, he wants me, when he's in pain or uncomfrotable or something scares him - he wants me -

Your kid KNOWS and will know who his Mommy is - He knows and will know how much you love him

It will get better once you're back into it and have a routine -