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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Posted by Ophelia
hmmm. that is though.
I mean, what kid doesn't want a nice party. and what parent doesn't want their kid to have one???
it's a tough spot to be in. I mean, it's easy to say "I just wouldn't have a party" but when you see how much your child wants one or how disappointed they are, it's kind of hard not to.
I agree with this. Even if the child isn't old enough to "enjoy" it, doesn't it deserve to be celebrated? And the way I look at it, at the end of the day, the parents are most likely going to be funding/helping fund college anyway, so one way or another the child is going to get the money.
I don't know...I haven't used DD's money for that, but who knows what will come in the future.
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Posted 8/6/10 6:04 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
LulaBell
:)
Member since 1/06 3508 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Well, I wouldn't do it, but I don't judge those who do.
I want to give my DD the best of everything; I want to pay for her college, I want her to have a hefty savings and I want her to have nice parties. And God willing we will be able to do all of that. But that's not the situation for everyone and I wouldn't turn my nose up at someone that did.
I didn't have nearly as much in savings as my daughter will and I didn't miss out on anything :)
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| Posted 8/6/10 7:40 AM |
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leighdvm
My golden boys!
Member since 3/06 4419 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
No, I would definitely NOT do that...
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| Posted 8/6/10 7:44 AM |
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WNA01
my 2 boys
Member since 10/08 4240 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
no way
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| Posted 8/6/10 8:22 AM |
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maymama
my little loves
Member since 8/08 18453 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Posted by MrsA714
I could never.
If we couldn't afford to have a party, we wouldn't.
same. the common theme of spending within your means 
Message edited 8/6/2010 8:29:38 AM.
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| Posted 8/6/10 8:24 AM |
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~Colleen~
my loves...
Member since 5/05 9129 total posts
Name:
guess
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Absolutely not...
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| Posted 8/6/10 8:29 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Posted by Ophelia
hmmm. that is though.
I mean, what kid doesn't want a nice party. and what parent doesn't want their kid to have one???
it's a tough spot to be in. I mean, it's easy to say "I just wouldn't have a party" but when you see how much your child wants one or how disappointed they are, it's kind of hard not to.
I am very grateful that at this stage of the game we are no where near that place, but I am not sure how I would balance things if we were. my son's disappoint vs. not saving the money.
at the end of the day, the money IS being used for the child's enjoyment. 
tough. tough spot.
I agree completely, not something I would be so shocked about...it is being used for the kid.
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| Posted 8/6/10 8:35 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Our gift is the party so we do not take any money from the gifts...it goes straight into their accounts. But I know plenty of people that take some or all of the money. Some of those people use it to pay for the party and others use it to pay for the party and put the rest in their own account...but I reserve judgement because it's none of my business.
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| Posted 8/6/10 8:41 AM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
I wouldn't do it but I can understand and wouldn't judge if seeing this done. I think that not having a party is the same as having one and not saving the $ for the kids. Sounds like it was more important to them to just celebrate the event with friends and family. I'm glad they got some money and I'm sure they had a great time at the party too.
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| Posted 8/6/10 8:49 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Posted by pinkandblue
I agree completely, not something I would be so shocked about...it is being used for the kid.
it really all depends on what you are used to.
we had NOTHING when I was growing up. POOR. in fact, any nice celebration I ever had was paid for by my grandparents (dinners at restaurants-a rarity in my life- was what we got) and my mom still had to take the money I got as gifts and use it for clothes, school supplies, food.
I know what it feels like to be that kid watching all her friends have nice things and feel left out. I have FELT that and I NEVER EVER want my son to feel that way. thankfully at this time in our life (and in his) we are very fortunate to be able to give him the things we want to.
but it may not always be so. and I just don't know what I would do. seeing that face that I so love with such sadness. would I use my mortgage money to pay for the party knowing I'd get it back in gifts? or even my food shopping budget?
I can't honestly say that I wouldn't.
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| Posted 8/6/10 8:55 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Posted by CrankyPants
I couldn't do it, but I don't judge.
ITA. Though it does reek of "keeping up with the Joneses" Why have a party if you can't afford it?
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| Posted 8/6/10 9:00 AM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
I might, but not in front of anyone. If I wanted to give my kid a good party, that is his gift and I might use his other gifts toward it. Especially if I could not fully afford it. I would hate for my dc not to get any party at all.
People are just doing the best they can.
Message edited 8/6/2010 9:12:52 AM.
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| Posted 8/6/10 9:11 AM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Absolutely not.
I have an immediate family member who does this.
That's why I give their DC savings bonds.
I put my name and the child's name on it (not the parents) so they can't cash it in now and spend the money. They are very irresponsible when it comes to finances. It's a very loaded situation. I give this particular child savings bonds because I know that's all she'll have when the time comes.
A party is a luxury not a necessity. You could always get a $15 cake from Costco, order a pizza, have a few people over and have a great time.
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| Posted 8/6/10 9:11 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Posted by pinkandblue
Posted by Ophelia
hmmm. that is though.
I mean, what kid doesn't want a nice party. and what parent doesn't want their kid to have one???
it's a tough spot to be in. I mean, it's easy to say "I just wouldn't have a party" but when you see how much your child wants one or how disappointed they are, it's kind of hard not to.
I am very grateful that at this stage of the game we are no where near that place, but I am not sure how I would balance things if we were. my son's disappoint vs. not saving the money.
at the end of the day, the money IS being used for the child's enjoyment.
tough. tough spot.
I agree completely, not something I would be so shocked about...it is being used for the kid.
Just out of curiosity though, this was a confirmation party? I could see a Sweet 16, etc...but a confirmation is sort of a family event, no?
In the OP's situation-was this something her DH and his brother cared about?
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| Posted 8/6/10 9:11 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Posted by DRMom
Just out of curiosity though, this was a confirmation party? I could see a Sweet 16, etc...but a confirmation is sort of a family event, no?
In the OP's situation-was this something her DH and his brother cared about?
I was commenting on her initial general question and not the specific example she gave of her IL's.
i have no idea about the specifics of her situation or what her IL's financial situation was at that time or how much they or her dh and his brother wanted this specific event to have a grand party.
and for those who spoke of Costco cake and such, my mom wouldn't have been able to have afforded the yearly membership. and no, we didn't even have an extra $50 for a small party. my mom did manage to get us birthday presents and we had HOMEMADE birthday cakes.
but I distinctly remember a birthday party I had were the kids on the block made fun of me b/c my parents used "no frills" hot dogs and sliced bread (instead of buns) at my 7th birthday party. I never asked for another one after that.
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| Posted 8/6/10 9:26 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Posted by DRMom
Posted by pinkandblue
Posted by Ophelia
Just out of curiosity though, this was a confirmation party? I could see a Sweet 16, etc...but a confirmation is sort of a family event, no?
In the OP's situation-was this something her DH and his brother cared about?
This was a confirmation party thrown for the twins. It was a restaurant party that their parents wanted to have. My DH and BIL didn't even get to invite friends. There was nothing for them. It was a sit down thing.
I can understand more if it was something for them and their friends that they really wanted but the parents couldn't afford. My DH asked his dad at the end of the day where all their money was (greedy, I know) and his dad said that the money paid for the party, gave them $50 each, and that was that.
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| Posted 8/6/10 9:30 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Posted by nferrandi
This was a confirmation party thrown for the twins. It was a restaurant party that their parents wanted to have. My DH and BIL didn't even get to invite friends. There was nothing for them. It was a sit down thing.
I can understand more if it was something for them and their friends that they really wanted but the parents couldn't afford. My DH asked his dad at the end of the day where all their money was (greedy, I know) and his dad said that the money paid for the party, gave them $50 each, and that was that.
did your IL's pay for your dh's higher education?
I mean, I don't know them so I don't want to comment on the situation, but if you think it was effed up, I am sure there is a reason for it
my feelings come from a place of not having...but if you HAVE and basically just take from your kids b/c you don't feel like using your own money...that I don't think is too kosher.
unless of course you then buy them a car and give them a full ride to college when they turn 18!!!!!
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| Posted 8/6/10 9:36 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by nferrandi
This was a confirmation party thrown for the twins. It was a restaurant party that their parents wanted to have. My DH and BIL didn't even get to invite friends. There was nothing for them. It was a sit down thing.
I can understand more if it was something for them and their friends that they really wanted but the parents couldn't afford. My DH asked his dad at the end of the day where all their money was (greedy, I know) and his dad said that the money paid for the party, gave them $50 each, and that was that.
did your IL's pay for your dh's higher education?
I mean, I don't know them so I don't want to comment on the situation, but if you think it was effed up, I am sure there is a reason for it
my feelings come from a place of not having...but if you HAVE and basically just take from your kids b/c you don't feel like using your own money...that I don't think is too kosher.
unless of course you then buy them a car and give them a full ride to college when they turn 18!!!!!
They helped a little with community college ( a total of maybe $2k) but then they both paid for college with student loans. They did not have a lot of money when my DH was younger, but they are in a better place now and have been fairly generous. In terms of this party, I just think they shouldn't have had it. The boys certainly wouldn't have missed it.
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| Posted 8/6/10 9:43 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
I think it is sad that some parents feel their children NEED to have these big parties even if they can't afford them and will use their children's GIFTS as payment.
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| Posted 8/6/10 9:58 AM |
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CucumberGirl
You give the best smiles!
Member since 1/09 2398 total posts
Name:
M~
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by pinkandblue
I agree completely, not something I would be so shocked about...it is being used for the kid.
it really all depends on what you are used to.
we had NOTHING when I was growing up. POOR. in fact, any nice celebration I ever had was paid for by my grandparents (dinners at restaurants-a rarity in my life- was what we got) and my mom still had to take the money I got as gifts and use it for clothes, school supplies, food.
I know what it feels like to be that kid watching all her friends have nice things and feel left out. I have FELT that and I NEVER EVER want my son to feel that way. thankfully at this time in our life (and in his) we are very fortunate to be able to give him the things we want to.
but it may not always be so. and I just don't know what I would do. seeing that face that I so love with such sadness. would I use my mortgage money to pay for the party knowing I'd get it back in gifts? or even my food shopping budget?
I can't honestly say that I wouldn't.
So true - if you've never had to want, it's hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes I think. I also grew up very poor, didn't have parties, and as a result, also didn't get any gifts and felt left out all the time so I have empathy for someone who wants to throw their kid a nice party.
Also, I agree with the other poster who said what's the difference between a party and using the gifts to pay for it and no party at all - there really isn't because without the party, there wouldn't be any gifts.
And for those who say, pick up a cake, have a few people over, grill some hot dogs, and call it day - first, even a small party at home would've been a real stretch for my family - we were barely scraping by - and second, had they thrown that kind of party, the gifts would've reflected that too as people do give different amounts based on restaurant v. home party and the fewer people, the less gifts - at least they did in my family, they do in many other parts of the country, and people with less money give smaller gifts (compare my family to DH's family - such a difference) - so again, I just don't see the difference.
ETA: I also just want to say that the people I know who have done this, just do not throw the kinds of parties that have fancy centerpieces, 6 courses, a dessert bar, expensive favors, etc, etc so I wouldn't assume that people are throwing wasteful, lavish parties just because they use the gifts to pay for them. But again, your frame of reference is totally going to affect your viewpoint here.
Message edited 8/6/2010 10:12:07 AM.
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| Posted 8/6/10 10:08 AM |
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dapnkap
Our 3 angels
Member since 7/07 4824 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Never, ever.
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| Posted 8/6/10 11:09 AM |
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JennyPenny
?
Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
I personally would not do it, but I can understand it.
I am having a BBQ for my DD's first birthday next week. It was going to be big, like her christening was, but then I decided we just couldn't afford it. I told DH we would just have something evry small with immediate family only. Then as the weeks went on I felt this awful guilt that I wasn't celebrating her very first birthday properly. So, I also invited extended family and a few friends. It is going to end up being about 30-35 people. It is probably going to come out of my house savings because we don't have the extra money right now. I would never take any money that DD got because it belongs to her, but I can see *borrowing* it to be returned at a later date.
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| Posted 8/6/10 11:23 AM |
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KangaMom
...
Member since 1/06 4593 total posts
Name:
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
Absolutely not. That is our responsibility to pay for a party and their money to save for their future...
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| Posted 8/6/10 12:43 PM |
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azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
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Re: spinoff to your child's gift money
No. I just wouldn't have a party or keep it to something I could afford.
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| Posted 8/6/10 12:50 PM |
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