SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

I was thinking I must have done something t a certain friend that I have, as once I had the baby, I didn't hear from her as much....hardly at all. She brought gifts for x-mas, and begged for pics but has only made 2 attempts to see my son, since December. I have brought him to her one of those times.

So, a relative tells me it is likely because our priorities have changed. Did this happen to anyone else? What were you able to do to remain close to the person?

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

This happened to me. I had a friend who basically dropped me like a bad habit. After a while, I stopped calling/texting. I was like wait, I am the person whos life got busier and I am chasing you around? Forget it!

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

yeah... it seems to happen. I have single friends in Hoboken where I lived for a few years b4 moving in with DH here on LI. THe evites to parties became fewer along with the group emails.

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

We didn't lose touch but our relationship definitely changed. I wasn't available for spur-of-the-moment dinner's or after work drinks anymore. It was an adjustment all around but it worked out.

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

I have a group of 5 girls, we have been friends since elementary school (we are all 31 now) and we all had kids around the same time as each other, except one. We always made it a priority to see each other at least once a month....but within the last year, as our kids have gotten older, we barely speak. We havent gotten together since October. One of the girls is pregnant with her 2nd and we havent seen her, the other had a baby a year ago and none of us have ever met him. So for my group, it has nothing to do with childless vs. with children bc we are all (children or not) equally responsible for just not making the effort and being too busy, too tired.....too whatever since our kids were born.

Our one childless friend (who wants to have kids someday, she is also the only one not married) once expressed to one of the other girls, that sometimes she distances herself from us bc she wants what we all have and just hasnt found it yet. Then at the same time, we sometimes say we want just a day of the freedom she has to travel, go for drinks, do whatever.

So I think the kids have definitely played a role....for those us with, we just are guilty of the "toos" listed above, for those without, I know, sometimes it hurts to be around us.

I was thinking about it the other day, how I hope we all pull it together soon bc for all of us to remain fiercely loyal and best friends for 25 years and let all of go bc we are too busy, is just heartbreaking.

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

I'm going through this with my one of my closest girlfriends right now, and I'm saddened by it.

She's single and looking for love, living the life. I'm married with a 6 month old baby, and DH and I just bought our first house.

We are in totally different places in our lives. At one point were on the exact same page, and now we are on opposite ends of the book.

The distance between us isn't because I have less time for her. I can almost always get together given a day or two notice, which is typical for us anyway. Given her busy schedule, we always planned things out in advance.

But my priorities have certainly changed. I have a very routine life, and all of my non-working time is spent devoted to my son.

I think I've become too "boring" for my single friend. I've become too predictable, serious, and less fun to be around. I don't spend money or drink as freely as I used to.

I try to fit myself into her world when we go out, but it makes me feel awkward. I don't belong there. It must show too, because our dinners aren't the same.

Our friendship has stood the test of time. I really hope this is a phase for us, and we drift together again soon.

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

Posted by StayForever

I'm going through this with my one of my closest girlfriends right now, and I'm saddened by it.

She's single and looking for love, living the life. I'm married with a 6 month old baby, and DH and I just bought our first house.

We are in totally different places in our lives. At one point were on the exact same page, and now we are on opposite ends of the book.

The distance between us isn't because I have less time for her. I can almost always get together given a day or two notice, which is typical for us anyway. Given her busy schedule, we always planned things out in advance.

But my priorities have certainly changed. I have a very routine life, and all of my non-working time is spent devoted to my son.

I think I've become too "boring" for my single friend. I've become too predictable, serious, and less fun to be around. I don't spend money or drink as freely as I used to.

I try to fit myself into her world when we go out, but it makes me feel awkward. I don't belong there. It must show too, because our dinners aren't the same.

Our friendship has stood the test of time. I really hope this is a phase for us, and we drift together again soon.

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

To some extent, but I really make the effort to be there and not be all baby talk. Sometimes it is good to get out of the baby mode if only for a little while

Sadly, I rarely talk to someone battling IF because she is going through a hard time and she puled back. I really want to be there for her when she is ready. There also I keep baby talk to a minimum.

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

Everything about us talking or trying to get together, is always without baby...

What bothers me is that though, I have made the effort to not include my baby, she has never said..that she wanted to see him..fine, no problem.

It got so bad, that at my 30 b-day party (at my house) she was at my house for over 2 hours, and never even asked if she could a.) see his room, or b.) see him. It is very hurtful, and like a previous poster said, I agree that this may be past the point of no return.

I have been there for her through so much since I had baby, and she has yet to even ask how he is...

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

Yes I do have some friends that are still single and things have changed between us!! I wish it didn't but it did.

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

Went through it with my MOH. She doesn't even ask about DS...And I know I didn't even know the questions to ask before I had DS, but she doesn't show any interest AT ALL, never comments on pics (and I am not a picture wh0re where I send hundreds to friends who don't care...I'll send 2-3 pics every few months).

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

sure....I have a few friends who don't come around anymore...

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

I feel the same way. Almost all of my friends are single and childless. I am really surprised by how little I have spoken to them and have seen since DS was born. I know we are at different points in our lives right now and my priorities have changed but I feel like we have so much history together, Im sad that we havent spoken or gotten together. And its not for lack of me trying.

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

thank god for facebook..bec that is the only way we "see" each other anymore!

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

Re: SPR: Did you lose touch with "single" childless friends when you had the baby?

I made a very sincere effort not to have this happen because I felt that when I was single and childless, it was the other way around and some friends blew me off in place of their other mom friends or because they felt that it was somehow immature of me to remain single by choice. What has recently kept me from some old friends is geography. We still talk a lot and we try to get together. One of my childless, unmarried friends died last summer and I am so glad that I knew that I had made the effort to keep him in my life when our situations changed. I think that perhaps we all have to make decisions about which friendships are worth keeping. We may find that some are not worth it but I do not feel that any of us should walk away completely from old friends.