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TiggerBounce
The Prince & Princess
Member since 7/05 4939 total posts
Name:
J
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SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
20 months ago we made a decision to move from Queens to Riverhead. The main reason for the move was my DH had an opportunity to get hired by the Riverhead Police Department (RHPD.) He is currently NYPD and still working in/commuting to Queens (Tue-Sat). At the time, I was a SAHM and Troy was 14 mos old – so making the decision to move was fairly simple.
I am now a full-time working mom and Troy (who will be 3 in May) is in daycare full-time. We all love the daycare (Kiddie Academy of Wading River) and the thought of taking him out makes DH and I want to cry (literally).
Today we found out that DH has reached the end of the road as far as qualifying for the RHPD. When we started this journey, DH said “If this doesn’t work out, we start packing and move back West (not to Queens, but not as far Easta s we are now).” We are at an ultimate crossroads. We talked VERY briefly today and DH says he wants to stay in Riverhead (he loves it out there) mostly b/c we love the daycare that Troy is in.
How do you, as a parent, deal with life decisions for yourself that will obviously affect your child?
If we move and move him to a new daycare, how can I know how this could affect him?
Has anyone made such a move with a child around this age?
I am “afraid” to stay in our current situation b/c it’s been hard on DH, Troy and me. DH is away from the house so much (as he works 4pm-1am) and he often says how he hates missing out on so much time with Troy. Also I’ve been waiting for the day when either DH would be working closer to home (and be home more) or we’d move closer to his job.
I’m an emotional wreck today!
Message edited 3/26/2010 3:01:16 PM.
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Posted 3/26/10 2:59 PM  |
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Smileyd17
kids
Member since 5/05 20997 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
I'm sorry things didnt work out for your DH.
As for your DC, I look at it this way, that they will always come into a new adjustment period and will manage to adapt to the change.
After daycare, comes nursery school or Pre k so there is going to be change for him soon and at that point, you will worry but find that he did/will be fine.
I think that Troy may miss his daycare but will adjust just fine when you choose to move him to another one.
That commute for your DH has to be a rough one and def takes time away from both you and his son.
I know if this was me, I would make the move closer and find another daycare.
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| Posted 3/26/10 3:09 PM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
Posted by Smileyd17
I'm sorry things didnt work out for your DH.
As for your DC, I look at it this way, that they will always come into a new adjustment period and will manage to adapt to the change.
After daycare, comes nursery school or Pre k so there is going to be change for him soon and at that point, you will worry but find that he did/will be fine.
I think that Troy may miss his daycare but will adjust just fine when you choose to move him to another one.
That commute for your DH has to be a rough one and def takes time away from both you and his son.
I know if this was me, I would make the move closer and find another daycare.
ITA. Right now Mason is almost 10 months and in a Kiddie Academy in Syosset. I love it and DS is so happy there, but if we were to move I know there are plenty of excellent daycares out there. I think the older they are the harder it is. Now is the perfect time to move DC.
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| Posted 3/26/10 3:12 PM |
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TiggerBounce
The Prince & Princess
Member since 7/05 4939 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
Thank you for responding. I feel like he will adjust (even if it does take time) but it's just such a hard decision.
DH says he'll deal with the commute.
Also our landlord is great, as is our apartment and neighborhood.
I thought I'd be happy with this outcome, but I am not liking the decisions to be made.
One thing I have learned as a parent, making challenging decisions that affect your child is NOT easy! 
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| Posted 3/26/10 4:24 PM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
I would think if your husband is going to stay in NYPD depending on where you work, it would only be fair to move closer to his job. Your husband will most likely have to commute much longer than your son will be in day care. Its hard making these big decisions.
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| Posted 3/26/10 7:26 PM |
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chelle
It's a Good Life
Member since 8/06 15404 total posts
Name:
Isn't it obvious?
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
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| Posted 3/26/10 8:18 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
We are in a similar place....
I do think we will end up going back to SI (DH is in Brooklyn, as you know) eventually, though we are at an impasse right now as to finding some place...but the commute is really terrible...
But you are working too, so that does make a difference, are you going to keep working after baby#2? If so, then that is something to consider. I'm not working, so a move for us wouldn't be such a big deal
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| Posted 3/26/10 8:27 PM |
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
Posted by EricaAlt
I think the older they are the harder it is. Now is the perfect time to move DC.
ITA.
we almost had an opportunity to live in London for a couple of years and we would have done it in a heartbeat because 1. it would benefit DH's career, and 2. the kiddos are young and if we were to do it, now would be the time...
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| Posted 3/26/10 9:38 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
Posted by doublestroller
Posted by EricaAlt
I think the older they are the harder it is. Now is the perfect time to move DC.
ITA.
ITA, even though it may seem hard at first
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| Posted 3/26/10 9:42 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
My DH works in the city and we live in West Suffolk. I originally didn't even want to consider moving out this far because of his commute but DH wouldn't have it any other way. He loves it here compared to Nassau and chooses to drive the 1hr a day in each direction to raise our kids in a place he loves. Good Luck
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| Posted 3/26/10 9:52 PM |
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mom2b
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 1072 total posts
Name:
x
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
I've moved ALOT with DS from the time he was 1y/o. Its much easier when they're younger. Your child will adjust don't worry. The thought is probably much worse for you than what the experience will be for your child. My last move my son was entering 5th grade  I was so afraid b/c most kids that age already have their group of friends. I was a wreck the first day of school and felt soooo guilty and terrible for him. Well by the first weekend of school DS had already been invited to a b-day party. I think moving so many times helped DS make friends easier
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| Posted 3/26/10 10:03 PM |
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TiggerBounce
The Prince & Princess
Member since 7/05 4939 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
Posted by KateDevine
We are in a similar place....
I do think we will end up going back to SI (DH is in Brooklyn, as you know) eventually, though we are at an impasse right now as to finding some place...but the commute is really terrible...
But you are working too, so that does make a difference, are you going to keep working after baby#2? If so, then that is something to consider. I'm not working, so a move for us wouldn't be such a big deal
When we first addressed the "what if?" about things not working out here I suggested a move to Hicksville (or area) as it's 1/2 way between both of our jobs. as for baby-yes I will keep working as I am just a surrogate for my SIL.
I don't even know where to begin to look for an apartment! Ideally, we'd like to rent a house (mostly for privacy) but an apartment is okay. When we decided to move out here, we were so lucky and found a place our first weekend of looking (but still looked at 4-5 other places).
DH will continue to work in Queens (unless something else comes up).
Thank you ALL for your input. I am anxious for DH to be home so we can talk!
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| Posted 3/26/10 10:54 PM |
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LoveBeingMrsT
Love my Boys!
Member since 12/05 4648 total posts
Name:
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
Posted by Smileyd17
I'm sorry things didnt work out for your DH.
As for your DC, I look at it this way, that they will always come into a new adjustment period and will manage to adapt to the change.
After daycare, comes nursery school or Pre k so there is going to be change for him soon and at that point, you will worry but find that he did/will be fine.
I think that Troy may miss his daycare but will adjust just fine when you choose to move him to another one.
That commute for your DH has to be a rough one and def takes time away from both you and his son.
I know if this was me, I would make the move closer and find another daycare.
sorry jill! ita with alll of this. he'll be starting prek and k soon enough and he's a smart and friendly child that will adapt easy enough. i think more time with dad trumps anything else too. i'd take some time to find a daycare and school district that you really like and then move closer west.
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| Posted 3/26/10 11:11 PM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
Posted by Smileyd17
I'm sorry things didnt work out for your DH.
As for your DC, I look at it this way, that they will always come into a new adjustment period and will manage to adapt to the change.
After daycare, comes nursery school or Pre k so there is going to be change for him soon and at that point, you will worry but find that he did/will be fine.
I think that Troy may miss his daycare but will adjust just fine when you choose to move him to another one.
That commute for your DH has to be a rough one and def takes time away from both you and his son.
I know if this was me, I would make the move closer and find another daycare.
ITA on all accounts!!!!
I dont know how he does it Jill. I definetely vote for you moving a little further west.
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| Posted 3/27/10 12:01 AM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
Posted by MsKitty1274
as for baby-yes I will keep working as I am just a surrogate for my SIL.
That is amazing...I had no idea I saw Lisa a few weeks ago at the park and she mentioned you were pregnant but I had no idea you were a surrogate for SIL
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| Posted 3/27/10 12:04 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
Posted by Smileyd17
I'm sorry things didnt work out for your DH.
As for your DC, I look at it this way, that they will always come into a new adjustment period and will manage to adapt to the change.
After daycare, comes nursery school or Pre k so there is going to be change for him soon and at that point, you will worry but find that he did/will be fine.
I think that Troy may miss his daycare but will adjust just fine when you choose to move him to another one.
That commute for your DH has to be a rough one and def takes time away from both you and his son.
I know if this was me, I would make the move closer and find another daycare.
I would do the same.
We have done 2 switches on daycares. The first was at 8 months old (not a big deal at all). The second my children were 2 & almost 4 years old. From my experience, transitions are much easier the earlier they're done.
I would rather have him in a daycare in the area where you are ultimately planning on staying - where he'll meet new friends for elementary school.
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| Posted 3/27/10 9:14 AM |
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usuk2004
I'm ONE!
Member since 5/05 5150 total posts
Name:
Farah
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Re: SPR: Making “life” decisions for yourself with your child in mind
I agree with everyone here - as difficult as it seems now, your DS will adjust. In fact, who's to say he won't like the new daycare even better? You just don't know. You have to do what's right for you and your DH, but if it were me, I'd rather move closer to DH's job so that my DH and DS get to spend more time together than stay farther away for a daycare.
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| Posted 3/27/10 10:47 AM |
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