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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Starting to feel overwhelmed again
My father moves into his apartment on October 2nd. In the meantime, he's like a lost puppy - he can't pack up his stuff, he can't make the necessary phone calls, he can't even pick out furniture for himself. I love my Dad, but I almost feel like the parent here, having to push him out of the nest, and encourage him to do things for himself. He's 72, fully alert, mentally, and can get around with the help of a cane. But, I can't tell him that - it will hurt him too much.
So, instead, I'm once again shouldering the brunt of everything. I'm spending my days making calls, setting up his new dialysis, taking him to Ikea and Sleepy's to pick out his new furniture, etc. DH and I will be packing up his stuff, picking up his furniture from Ikea and setting it all up in his new apartment before he moves in. It's a lot to handle, and of course, of COURSE, the only person who offers to help in all of this, isn't my two brothers, but instead, my mother. I desperately want to take her up on her offer for help, but my father feels so uncomfortable around her that he has asked that I don't leave any tasks to her.
I'm so frustrated. I wish I could disown my brothers 
Message edited 8/22/2007 2:35:51 PM.
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Posted 8/22/07 2:34 PM  |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Starting to feel overwhelmed again
 Is there a way to leave your dad with your DH or someone else and take your mom up on her offer? Let her help out where/when she can if she's offering. And if you have to explain it to your dad. That you need some help.
Good Luck
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| Posted 8/22/07 2:41 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Starting to feel overwhelmed again
Posted by Mssissy
Is there a way to leave your dad with your DH or someone else and take your mom up on her offer? Let her help out where/when she can if she's offering. And if you have to explain it to your dad. That you need some help.
Good Luck
I tried to explain that to him last night, but the look on his face just made me feel so terrible, so I just can't talk to him about it again, and unfortunately, most of what has to be done, has to be done with him, so there's isn't much she can do.
Thank god for DH...
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| Posted 8/22/07 2:44 PM |
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JessieQ
Rest in Peace baby Rogan
Member since 6/07 1122 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: Starting to feel overwhelmed again
So sorry you have to go through this, shouldering the burden by yourself is tough.  Maybe as Mssissy suggested you could ask your mother to help in some way that he doesn't have to exactly know or see (or maybe knowing that it is overwhelming you to the point of asking her would be the nudge he needs to start to do things on his own?  ).
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| Posted 8/22/07 2:46 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Starting to feel overwhelmed again
Call your brothers and demand their help. Don't ask, tell them they must help and you cannot do it.
Time to light a fire under their butts.
Why is it only your responsibility?
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| Posted 8/22/07 2:53 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Starting to feel overwhelmed again
Posted by Blu-ize
Why is it only your responsibility?
Because I'm the only responsible one. The oldest lives in VA, and quite simply doesn't care - he didn't even bother to call my father until 5 days after his surgery. The other brother lives in Philly, but he's an 8 year old trapped in a 34 year old body. Everytime I ask him to help he hems and he haws, gives me a serious guilt trip (i.e. "But I really wanted to go to the gym today..."). I'm just tired of it.
Besides, the one who lives close decided August would be a PERFECT month to spend in Israel, mooching off of our cousins while they vacation, knowing full well all of this was happening in the September/October timeframe. So he isn't around to help anyway.
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| Posted 8/22/07 2:57 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Starting to feel overwhelmed again
Beth, this is so unfair. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
I have a wierd idea- what about asking your neighbor for some help? You have been helping her out tremendously, and she has leaned on you so much. Can you ask her for a little help- maybe come over to help with some packing?
It also may make her feel better, she can help out and think about some else instead of focusing on herself.
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| Posted 8/22/07 3:02 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Starting to feel overwhelmed again
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by Blu-ize
Why is it only your responsibility?
Because I'm the only responsible one. The oldest lives in VA, and quite simply doesn't care - he didn't even bother to call my father until 5 days after his surgery. The other brother lives in Philly, but he's an 8 year old trapped in a 34 year old body. Everytime I ask him to help he hems and he haws, gives me a serious guilt trip (i.e. "But I really wanted to go to the gym today..."). I'm just tired of it.
Besides, the one who lives close decided August would be a PERFECT month to spend in Israel, mooching off of our cousins while they vacation, knowing full well all of this was happening in the September/October timeframe. So he isn't around to help anyway.
call them today and demand their help. I'm serious. what do you have to lose? I know it's easier to just do it yourself, but I'm learning that I'm not superman and I can't. I have been asking and I have been getting help.
You need to demand it. Your brother in VA can hop in his car and drive up for one day to help you. The 8 year old can make phone calls and the gym rat will hav to get flabby for one freakin day. Tell them either they help or you are shipping your dad off to them.
Also, you may need to have a little tough love with your dad. He's an adult and needs to do things for himself. Remind him that he brought you up to be independent and you learned that from him. It's ok to push back.
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| Posted 8/22/07 3:50 PM |
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