strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

DD is 4 months. From 6 weeks, we gave DD a nap routine. go in, swaddle (now sleepsack), pat on back with some singing. she goes down fine for naps, can fall asleep on her own. she is working on getting a schedule going, naps lengthening and all. I always put her down under 2 hours after she wakes up. She STTN with no feedings. The problem is whenever we go out. As soon as it gets close to the hour and half mark or 2 hour mark, she is a mess and will not sleep in the stroller or car seat.

I almost feel as if she doesnt know how to sleep without the routine, or if its not in her crib or in my arms. I am sort of a stickler about her sleep and i'll admit, i let her sleep rule my days. Because of this, did I ruin her for sleeping elsewhere? I dont know of any kids who dont sleep in the carseat or stroller. I always assumed if a child was tired, they will sleep in one of these even if cranky. I am having a hard time going anywhere with her right now because by the time she wakes up, i feed her and get her out of the house, an hour has passed already and then by the time we get to our location, she is a mess 10 minutes later.

I dont even know if anyone can relate or has any advice. I know my friends and family dont - everyones kids sleep in the car or stroller. I just feel like I thought i was doing the right thing by giving the routine, but i feel like it sort of backfired on me at the same time. Thoughts? TIA.

ETA: I probably wasn't too clear in my OP. My main problem is that she WONt sleep in the car seat or stroller....so this is really hard on us and on her.

We have no problems going to someones house, we bring the pack n play and stuff. I can also rock her in my arms if we are at a restaurant. But the times when we run errands or such are super hard bc she doesnt sleep just anywhere. I thought maybe she was missing her routine (the ones i can do at home or at someones house/restaurant). That is what i meant by strict....i felt like she only knows to sleep when the routine is given to her. I Didnt mean strict as in she HAS to sleep at certain times. She dictates to me when shes tired, even though she is falling into a routine with sleep times on her own. She doesnt just fall asleep in the car seat or stroller, even if shes tired, like most kids. ts different when we are out at a place where she can sleep in a bedroom or something.

I guess the problem is her not sleeping in a car seat or stroller. she is 4 mos old and ive only seen her sleep MAYBE twice in the car seat, never in the stroller. This doesnt sound normal to me. I guess i was just wondering if my nap routine hindered her from falling asleep in either the carseat or stroller bc i do the routine every single time she sleeps since she was 6 weeks old. maybe this is the only way she knows how to sleep?

all the responses i get have children who can sleep in the car seat or stoller. im jealous!

Message edited 10/27/2010 8:03:21 AM.

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

I am new to this whole mommy thing, so I don't know what is right or wrong. But it sounds like its not working out for you guys.

I have a family member like this. She would attend all family parties late, leave early etc because of naptime. I knew from the start that I didn't want to be like this.

I follow a strict routine for bedtime but NOT for naptime. DD will usually just randomly fall asleep without me doing anything special. If we are home she will sleep from 10AM to 1PM. Today I had to run some errands so she woke up after two hours (when I took her out of the carseat when we got home). So, she was a little cranky - I just turned the lights low and kept the TV low and let her hang out and she just fell asleep again - even though this is not her normal naptime. When this happens, she adjusts just fine and will still STTN.

Some people swear by a strict nap schedule, so it is whatever works for you. But, I think 4 months is still young enough to switch up your routine if you want to!

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

Message edited 10/26/2010 4:44:25 PM.

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

DS is only 4.5 months old (so I am not claiming to be an expert ). We have a bit of a routine (wake up eat about 7am, play until DS gets cranky, then nap), but not strict on times, I let DS let me know when he is ready.

I usually wait to run errands until he wakes up, however, if we have something scheduled (mommy and me, play group, appointment, a visit) I will wake him up or let him sleep in his car seat. Sometimes it stinks and he is a bit cranky, but I wouldnt get to get things done if I LIVED by his routine.

We had to go to DHs grandfathers 80th bday a few weeks ago and both his family and mine were there, DS had to go. We brought his stroller and did his whole bedtime routine (minus bath)there (loud music and all) and let him sleep with his blanket in the stroller. He did great.

I think if you dont let up a bit with your routine, you are going to make yourself miserable when unforseen events arise and DC has to go with you and it is nap time. What happens if you are at someone elses house? Do you want to always have to leave?

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

Posted by jgl


DS is only 4.5 months old (so I am not claiming to be an expert ). We have a bit of a routine (wake up eat about 7am, play until DS gets cranky, then nap), but not strict on times, I let DS let me know when he is ready.

I usually wait to run errands until he wakes up, however, if we have something scheduled (mommy and me, play group, appointment, a visit) I will wake him up or let him sleep in his car seat. Sometimes it stinks and he is a bit cranky, but I wouldnt get to get things done if I LIVED by his routine.

We had to go to DHs grandfathers 80th bday a few weeks ago and both his family and mine were there, DS had to go. We brought his stroller and did his whole bedtime routine (minus bath)there (loud music and all) and let him sleep with his blanket in the stroller. He did great.

I think if you dont let up a bit with your routine, you are going to make yourself miserable when unforseen events arise and DC has to go with you and it is nap time. What happens if you are at someone elses house? Do you want to always have to leave?

Message edited 10/27/2010 8:02:47 AM.

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

What about doing a nap or 2 a day in the carseat or stroller at home instead of crib or pnp. Practice with her at home by doing your routine but sleeping there instead. It will take a while but I think she will get it

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

Message edited 10/27/2010 8:15:08 AM.

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

hhmmmm...I think it would take a few times before she realizes she should sleep in there. She might fuss for a while but I think if you rock them (And it may take a while to rock her to sleep) she will fall asleep.

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

Kids thrive on routines...they will need routine throughout their lives (cause that's the way the world works) and there is also some security in that. Don't second guess yourself at all. Sounds like DC has wonderful sleeping habits. The crib is comfy...sitting upright in a stroller or car seat isnt as much. The fact that your DC doesnt fall asleep in those situations is nothing to worry about. My DS will only fall asleep in those if hes completely over-tired, which isnt really a good thing. So, kudos on establishing good sleep habits!

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

Posted by LittleBlueBug

Kids thrive on routines...they will need routine throughout their lives (cause that's the way the world works) and there is also some security in that. Don't second guess yourself at all. Sounds like DC has wonderful sleeping habits. The crib is comfy...sitting upright in a stroller or car seat isnt as much. The fact that your DC doesnt fall asleep in those situations is nothing to worry about. My DS will only fall asleep in those if hes completely over-tired, which isnt really a good thing. So, kudos on establishing good sleep habits!

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

I have one of each.
#1 could sleep anywhere except by himself in a crib.

#2 needs her swing. needs 2 set naps a day.

We are trying to break her spirit. I can't stay at home all the time. She has started to get better. Slept in stroller yesterday and will fall asleep in carseat

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

My DD was the same way... still is at 20 months old. She NEVER slept in the car or stroller. Not even as a newborn. It had nothing to do with a routine or not (although she is her mothers' child for sure and THRIVES on routine), it's just the way she is. My DS (2 months old) seems to be the same way. He will not sleep in the car/stroller, etc. I can honestly say that my DD has never once fallen asleep in the stroller.

I remember when she was 6 weeks old we had to go to my sisters house for the 2nd Passover seder which was at DD's "bedtime" we brought the pack and play with us and the travel swing. She was beside herself because she was SO tired and would not sleep in either one. We ended up leaving and she SCREAMED the entire way home from my sister in Long Island until we got home in New Jersey.

Once we got into a routine with her naps and such, it really wasn't such a big deal. Yes, we scheduled her day around her naps, but you know what... at the end of the day it made for a VERY happy and well rested baby which in turn made for happy and well rested parents.

IMO, you have to do what's best for your baby.

Now that DD is 20 months old, we do try our best to stick to her naptime and bedtime routine and schedule and for the most part we do, but we don't let it dictate our lives.

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

I have been battling the same thing with DD - she is 4 months old. She has been STTN since about 6 weeks and her current bedtime is 6:30; she sleeps until 6-7.

She takes two naps right now....around 8am and 12/1pm. She also takes a short catnap in her swing in the late afternoon.

My DD also hates the carseat and will not sleep in it either. She tolerated the stroller when she was younger but wont nap in it anymore.

My approach for the last few weeks is to try and preserve her napping schedule as much as possible. If I need to go out, I definitely do it but I try to keep her schedule as much as possible. While I would love it if she was more flexible, she is SO much happier if her sleep schedule isnt disrupted. That makes for happy parents too.

Re: strict with nap routine- did i do more harm than good?

My DD also took 2 long naps a day and sometimes a cat nap in between.

I always went out and did errands, or would meet a friend for lunch immediately after her morning nap and bottle. That way I knew she would at least be content for a good 3 - 3.5 hours. She would nap from about 8-11, and then again from 2:30-6. So I knew that between the hours of 11:30 and 2:00 I was good to go out with her.

I will say though, that anybody who sees her at her bedtime is in awe as to how much she LOVES her bedtime routine and actually going to bed!