Struggling w/ this decision

Ladies, Im having such mixed emotions.
Dh and i DESPAREATLY want to move off of LI (for many reasons). SO we are starting the "reloaction process" slowly this wkd. We have been researching towns/cities upstate and this wkd we are going up to New Paltz to look around etc.

Well I am extremely close to my family and the thought of not being able to just run to the mall w/ my mom or stop by and see them is KILLING ME!!

On ne hand, i know moving is right for DH and i, but on the othe hand, Im scared to death!!!

Oh god, here come the tears...

Did anyone experience this or does anyone have any thoughts??

Thanks for letting me share

Just wanted to add= DH and i are not looking to relaocate to buy a bigger house etc. Its bc we do NOT like Long Island

Message edited 11/30/2006 1:31:44 PM.

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

DH and I actually had a serious conversation about this last night as well. My family lives in Rochester and Buffalo and his primarily lives on LI, so it's really hard for me at times. We thought about moving upstate to somewhere middle ground for us to visit both families, but make a life for ourselves. The only thing that is really keeping us from doing this is the fact that we get very well paid down here, and we'd take a pay cut to move towards Albany (that would be half-way for us), so although the cost of living is not as high, we're not so sure the risk is good enough for us right now. And if we ever wanted to move back to LI, we wouldn't be able to afford it.

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

I dont have much advice, but I wanted to give you some hugs.

We're talking about relocating within the next few years, but my parents plan on going as well.

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

I went to school in NP and the really nice thing about it is that you are closer than you think. You would only be about 1.5 hours from the city so you can get the benefits of living away from LI, but still easily go back to visit friends and family as a day trip.

Good luck with your decision!

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

I dont have any advice just wanted to give you some of these.... its a VERY hard decision to move away from family but you have to do what is best for you and your DH

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

its a hard decision. FH and I briefly discussed moving off LI.

But as a teacher, the places we looked to move he would take a severe paycut, and the salary schedules where he would hit max pay were very low. I would have taken a slight paycut. all our family lives in NY (my sister lives in Richmond, VA but we didnt want to move there)

so for us, it was either buy a smaller, older house here or buy a new, big house oos, with the cost of living and salary adjustments, we would have had the same $$ left over each month. We decided to buy here, bc we want to stay near our famiilies. we may move in the future, but it would be so hard to come back.

good luck!

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

Why are you thinking of relocating?

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

It is a very hard decision to make but you need to do what is right for DH & you.

I am going through this but on the opposite aspect. My parents are thinking about relocating to Maine (we have a summer house there & my brother is there). My dad is retired over 5 years now & my mom can retire from teaching this year. I know this is the best move for them considering they are on a fixed income & the ever rising taxes & cost of living in NY they can not afford to live the lifestyle they have become accustomed to. On the other hand, it is going to be extremely difficult for me as my mom is my best friend. I always stop there on my way home from work & we are constantly shopping together. For me, that means my entire family is going to be 400 plus miles away. No matter what I want to think, the reality of it is, if they have to go, they will. I will just make every effort to be there once or twice a month!

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

Just to echo what everyone else is saying, you need to do what is right for you and DH. While family is so important, there's no guarantee that they will stay put either.

Lots of I know it's a difficult decision. But NP isn't that far away that you wouldn't be able to easily see each other frequently.

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

Posted by Kissy331

It is a very hard decision to make but you need to do what is right for DH & you.

I am going through this but on the opposite aspect. My parents are thinking about relocating to Maine (we have a summer house there & my brother is there). My dad is retired over 5 years now & my mom can retire from teaching this year. I know this is the best move for them considering they are on a fixed income & the ever rising taxes & cost of living in NY they can not afford to live the lifestyle they have become accustomed to. On the other hand, it is going to be extremely difficult for me as my mom is my best friend. I always stop there on my way home from work & we are constantly shopping together. For me, that means my entire family is going to be 400 plus miles away. No matter what I want to think, the reality of it is, if they have to go, they will. I will just make every effort to be there once or twice a month!

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

My mom is my best friend too, and though I have lived away and gone to school away, I think for me now it is important to be near her. I see her all the time, we shop all the time together...She is such a support to me, and me her. When DH couldn't pick me up from oral surgery, she came. When my car broke down and DH couldn't leave work, she was there. We've talked about moving, but I also want my mom to be close to her grandkids if we have kids. I think she would be a great help to me, and I also want her to be a big influence in their lives. I started thinking about it...Who would watch my kids if I had a dentist appt and DH was at work? I take my support system here for granted but I don't know what I would do without them. My dad lives right near New Paltz, and it is basically 6 hours round trip. We hardly ever get up there. It's doable, but it's hard.

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

After our wedding my DH family ALL sold their houses and moved to florida. Brother Sister (her dh and 4 KIDS) Dad Mom Grandparents everyone. My brother lives in the same area they live in. My brother is the only one there (with my nephew he is a single dad). We serious considered moving there... and the only keeping me was my mom. We went to look anyway. The houses down there we just as much if not more then here. We were there in April and my DH thought it was hot Could you imagine him in AUGUST

You really have to think long and hard. If this is the right decision for you guys. Your family will know that you had to do what you did. They understand. And who knows.... Maybe they will love it there and move too I seriously think if we moved m y mom wouldn't be to far behind me (as much as she says florida is for old people and she doesn't want to go! And now one of my really good friends is talking about moving to the area as all of our family is...

In a few years its a possibility that we will sell our house here and move down there!

Message edited 11/30/2006 10:34:19 AM.

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

dh and i relocated to CT.
its 1 hour away.


i know moving is hard but if you will have a better life its worth it, imho.

here dh and i afford a nice home and pay lower taxes. and we see family 2x a month or more.\

another things that helped me was that
i just joined this volunteer group called the junior leage and i have met many awesome new friends and my schedule is FULL. it can be fuller if i want.

i am sure there is one anyplace you look.

good luck!

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

Your family won't be around forever so you need to do what's right for you and your DH.

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

This is really tough. Maybe through looking, it will help you decide.

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Chiming in here. Before we bought pur house here we looked at relocating to Arizona. We could have had a giant house cheap, but our salaries were commensurate. The only plus was that we would be near my parents and on the same coast as his parents. That would have been nice.

We weighed and measured everything and decided to buy in New York after all. We figured we would eventually bring my parents back here and we would be together.

We may not stay in NY either but either way we are making plans to be in the same place as my parents.

The distance is hard. My mother is very depressed. I miss them terribly sometimes even though I have a very full schedule and life. Can't imagine when I have a kid how hard that will be.

I can appreciate your dilemma. I wish financial circumstances didn't make my parents move but it happened. I never thought I would raise my kid (s) without their grandparents around.

Life has twists and turns and you have to make the best decision for you.

I just wanted you to know that others face the same dilemma.

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i really feel for you! i struggled with the same thing before i got married.
DH and i lived 2 hours apart the whole time we were dating, and we decided that i would move to his town after the wedding. so, now i'm 2 hours away from my parents and everythign i knew growing up. let me tell you- i was NOT HAPPY about it! cried a lot, didn't talk to dh for a few weeks while we were engaged because he was "making" me leave my parents, etc.
BUT, i can tell you that while its still tough, it does get a lot easier. i actually enjoy having my own life with DH now, and we got unlimited long distance on our phone so that i can call my parents whenever i want to. the biggest thing though is that it makes the times that i do see my parents even better. i make suer to get down there once a month to visit them and just hang out and spend time there.
so... not sure if this helps you at all, but i can say that it really does get easier and i think you have to do what you feel is best for you and dhs future...

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DH & I just moved to Orange County (Monroe specifically). So I can relate with your struggle. We've been up there for 2 months and I've seen my mom 4 times. Before OC we lived in Manhattan, but I saw my mom every single weekend and on occassion I'd meet my parents for dinner & a show. Now that my commute is much longer now, I don't stay late in the city. But it's doable. And New Paltz area really isn't that far from LI. I'd suggest Orange County for your move. It's beautiful and closer to LI than Sullivan (which I believe is where New Paltz is). There are a few ladies on here that live in Monroe - "affordable" and Monroe-Woodbury is a fantastic school district for the children you may have...it's one of the reasons we chose that town.

Anyhoo - that's my $.02.

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Re: Struggling w/ this decision

I have to agree with the other posters-We just moved to CT and lvoe it! It was the hardest decision, and we aren't that far from family... we are hoping to stay here as well.

I think you should do what is best foir you.. it always works out|!

Good luck!

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

DH brought this same subject up again this weekend.
We are very close with both families who still live here. DH wants to move OOS, not close.

I personally can't imagine living so far from family and friends to save $$ on a house. I would be isolated from everything I ever knew just to have a bigger nicer home, so to me it isn't worth it. Our salaries would undoubtedly take a hit too, making everthing pretty even, and traveling to see family would be so $$$, especially during the holidays.

DH makes a great living here and his main reason for moving is purely monetary, although he says living on LI stinks, the traffic blows and the people are getting out of hand.......

We are thinking of investing in a rental property upstate, which would help our income, and hopefully we can by a bigger house here in the future, or somwhere VERY close.....but it IS INDEED VERY HARD HERE.....

TO me, the trade isn't worth it, but NP is so close, you may not even feel the change.

Re: Struggling w/ this decision

Re: Struggling w/ this decision