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littlejoy06
Love
Member since 3/07 6944 total posts
Name:
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Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
Well, my body is going CRAZY to get pregnant I can feel it, but financially, I just can't right now.
My BIL and SIL are having problems getting pregnant. She is 37 and I just found out that she had another miscarriage this weekend ( I didn't even know she was 8 weeks pregnant) we aren't supposed to know. He is so upset and doesn't even want to think about Mother's Day which I totally understand. It breaks his heart to even seen my DD.
Am I completely nut to suggest being their surrogate mother for their child? I know it would be hard. All I can think of is the episode of 'Friends', but I think it would be the greatest gift I could give them. They haven't asked me or even suggested it, but it breaks my heart to see them in so much pain. I'm worried about them.
Yes, it would be weird having my BILs baby inside of me, but all I can think of is their happiness!!!
TIA!!!!
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Posted 4/21/08 9:51 AM  |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
when my sister was having trouble in that way, I told her that I would do it for her in a HEARTBEAT...no questions asked....she is now pregnant after IVF 
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| Posted 4/21/08 9:53 AM |
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Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys
Member since 5/05 9306 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
I think its a wonderful gift and gesture. I do think though that before you make any suggestions, you talk to DH and both of you really think about having to give up that baby that you especially would have grown "attached to".
I dont think I could do it but I think you are right its an amazing gift!
PS are they even thinking of going that route? I think it might be weird to suggest unless you know they are lookign into alternatives.
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| Posted 4/21/08 9:54 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
Wow...I admire your love for your family to give so much of yourself. I had a great pregnancy and still feel that it does so much to your body during and after so it's a huge sacrifice...and a huge gift.
Whatever you and your sister decide..I just want to say how much I admire what you are willing to do for them.
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| Posted 4/21/08 9:55 AM |
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EmmaNick
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Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
I think it's a great thought! However, I dunno, you said your body is going crazy right now to get pregnant and you can't have a baby due to finances, so I honestly think you are already too emotionally attached to a possible pregnancy (if that makes sense).
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| Posted 4/21/08 9:56 AM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
I would have done this for my sister in a heartbeat.
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| Posted 4/21/08 9:57 AM |
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littlejoy06
Love
Member since 3/07 6944 total posts
Name:
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
Posted by Kelly9904
I think its a wonderful gift and gesture. I do think though that before you make any suggestions, you talk to DH and both of you really think about having to give up that baby that you especially would have grown "attached to".
I dont think I could do it but I think you are right its an amazing gift!
PS are they even thinking of going that route? I think it might be weird to suggest unless you know they are lookign into alternatives.
Of course I would wait a little bit longer before saying anything. I would talk to my BIL first. BTW, she isn't my sister. This is my BILs wife. I would be doing it for him not her. He is one of the greatest people I know and would be an AMAZING father.
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| Posted 4/21/08 9:58 AM |
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MrsBlueSash
Love my sailor
Member since 6/05 5793 total posts
Name:
Christian
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
That's a tough situation. While you are very generous, your SIL may feel even more inadequate with your offer. I would let them lead the way. If they start thinking about adoption or surrogates on their own, then I might approach them. Of course, after you have gone though all the discussions with your DH.
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| Posted 4/21/08 10:16 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
I think it's wonderful for you to offer. I think if you're not close enough to really know what the issue is your amazingly generous offer could wind up backfiring.
A few things come to mind - they may not know what the issue is. It could be an egg issue, implantation, etc. Many of which - you may not be willing to help out with, ie would you donate your egg? would your DH donate his sperm? Now picture them raising a child who is genetically yours in a way that may not be consistent with what you'd do. Picture them getting divorced, picture them being strong displinarians while you may be more laidback. I think it's hard enough seeing a relative parent what some might deem as ineffective. Picture offering up that gift & then having them make the muliple decisions you disagree with.
I know what you're going through having seen many friends & close relatives go through IF issues. I never imagined I could see someone I love hurt so much that I could physically feel hurt for them, to lose sleep over it, to worry about their mental health when they start to lose it over seeing another friend pregnant, to put off my own pregnancy in hopes that they'd get pregnant first so it wouldn't hurt them. But I did. IF is absolutely devastating secondhand. I can't even begin to imagine it firsthand.
There are things you definitely need to consider - and would need your DH to be completely onboard with it.
Also if you're offering it up to anyone, I would ask SIL not BIL. She has to be extremely raw over everything. Just picture BIL thinking it's a great idea & having him approach her when she isn't done trying it herself. Can you picture a MIL thinking "Well Sue can just do it for you." I would think it would make her feel extremely self-conscious.
Many hugs to you & bucketloads of babydust to her.   
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| Posted 4/21/08 10:35 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
I think this is a decision that you and DH have to seriously think about. Nobody can answer it for you.
I would say this: If it were MY sister, I would do it in a heartbeat.
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| Posted 4/21/08 10:46 AM |
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littlejoy06
Love
Member since 3/07 6944 total posts
Name:
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
Posted by nrthshgrl
I think it's wonderful for you to offer. I think if you're not close enough to really know what the issue is your amazingly generous offer could wind up backfiring.
A few things come to mind - they may not know what the issue is. It could be an egg issue, implantation, etc. Many of which - you may not be willing to help out with, ie would you donate your egg? would your DH donate his sperm? Now picture them raising a child who is genetically yours in a way that may not be consistent with what you'd do. Picture them getting divorced, picture them being strong displinarians while you may be more laidback. I think it's hard enough seeing a relative parent what some might deem as ineffective. Picture offering up that gift & then having them make the muliple decisions you disagree with.
I know what you're going through having seen many friends & close relatives go through IF issues. I never imagined I could see someone I love hurt so much that I could physically feel hurt for them, to lose sleep over it, to worry about their mental health when they start to lose it over seeing another friend pregnant, to put off my own pregnancy in hopes that they'd get pregnant first so it wouldn't hurt them. But I did. IF is absolutely devastating secondhand. I can't even begin to imagine it firsthand.
There are things you definitely need to consider - and would need your DH to be completely onboard with it.
Also if you're offering it up to anyone, I would ask SIL not BIL. She has to be extremely raw over everything. Just picture BIL thinking it's a great idea & having him approach her when she isn't done trying it herself. Can you picture a MIL thinking "Well Sue can just do it for you." I would think it would make her feel extremely self-conscious.
Many hugs to you & bucketloads of babydust to her.
I totally agree with everything. When I told them I was pregnant with my DD, my BIL cried. He cried for being happy and also for not having a child of his own. It just rips me apart inside. The reason I would talk to my BIL is just to ask his opinion on what she would think. I wouldn't want to insult her. I do pray every night that her body will allow this child to hold on. 
I've talked about this with my DH already and he said it would be my decision. Well theirs of course.
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| Posted 4/21/08 10:52 AM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
Posted by Summerrluvv
I think it's a great thought! However, I dunno, you said your body is going crazy right now to get pregnant and you can't have a baby due to finances, so I honestly think you are already too emotionally attached to a possible pregnancy (if that makes sense).
I completely agree.
Also, without knowing what kind of IF issues they are having, or how long they've been trying, what paths they are willing to take and not willing to take, your offer to be a surrogate might hurt them in a way you did not intend.
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| Posted 4/21/08 10:54 AM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
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| Posted 4/21/08 10:54 AM |
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littlejoy06
Love
Member since 3/07 6944 total posts
Name:
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
I totally agree with everyone. This would have to the the absolute last resort. I wouldn't mention anything until I knew the whole story and they have tried EVERYTHING!!!
Thank you Everyone!!! 
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| Posted 4/21/08 11:06 AM |
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
I had a friend who did it for a close friend of hers, and it really did affect her emotionally.... even though she was prepared...
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| Posted 4/21/08 5:20 PM |
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partyof6
b nice like u want ur kidz 2
Member since 7/06 7752 total posts
Name:
jeannine
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
I would do it in a second.
I have two dear friends struggling with infertility and put the offer out there...
I wouldn't think twice--its been on my mind for a long time.
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| Posted 4/23/08 7:16 AM |
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Diana712
RIP my beloved Brother Richard
Member since 5/07 6710 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Tell me I'm insane for even thinking this...
Posted by lastchance1222
I would do it in a second.
I have two dear friends struggling with infertility and put the offer out there...
I wouldn't think twice--its been on my mind for a long time.
Your the best!! I love you!
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| Posted 4/23/08 5:54 PM |
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