Telling Friends/Family About IF

MrsMessina's post had me thinking!

Do you regret telling any of your family/friends about your IF?

Message edited 3/22/2012 9:27:41 AM.

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

Figured I'd be the first to answer!
Honestly, no- for me, I'm not sorry I shared w/ our family (most of the time ). For the most part it has stopped a lot of questioning that we would otherwise have to deal with- and with the exception of 1 or 2 people, everyone else has been great. My ILs even gave us $ for our IVF cycle, as our anniversary present this year. They told us they knew what the only thing we really wanted is, and they helped us as much as they could to try to achieve that (they're not always bad, just don't always think ).
We've only shared w/ 1 of our friends and that's b/c he kept bringing it up that his gf was expecting- and enough was enough. So we shared, and now he's backed off... though she was a real gem when I met her.
She told me when her son was born that we should come back up so he could pee on me- and that would make my fertility issues vanish

ETA: The few family members who even w/ knowing still say insensitive (not intentinally- just not thinking I guess...) things I have stopped updating- they have no clue where we're at- last time I left it that we were on a 'break' and that was that.
I also had a diff. family member think that I had cancer or something and call me out. He was actually teary-eyed b/c he saw DH following me upstairs w/ my meds a few nights in a row when we stayed at my ILs (my BIL) and was so worried about me. He's been really great too.

Message edited 7/30/2008 4:20:49 PM.

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

I keep thinking I'm not going to tell i"m not going to tell, but I have a big mouth and I cannot keep it shut. I go on and on and on about IF with all my friends and family. Oh well. I tried for like a second. Though sometimes I think I may jinx myself by talking about it too much. I'm weird, what can I say. I do avoid calling people because this is all I talk about. DH is tired of me talking about this all the time. I mean really tired of it.

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

I had mixed feelings about it. I had told my sister very early on, mostly because we are very close and she's also a doctor, so I would always use her as a 2nd opinion!

We ended up telling our parents what was going on when we moved to IVF. We both felt we would need the extra support during the process. My first IVF resulted in a miscarriage, and after the way my family handled it, disappointed me to no end (my step-mother who is a therapist no less, told me I was over-reacting ). We decided when we started cycling again we weren't going to tell anyone anything until we had something to share. My sister was the only one that knew I had started a new cycle, but I told her my beta was on a different day then it really was.

Now that we are getting ready to tell everyone I'm pregnant, I have no problem telling people what we went through. I have this need to educate people on IF because I hate that in this day and age there is still such a stigma associated with it.

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

We didnt tell any family until we were pregnant....then we filled them in.

It was way better for me not to have to deal with well-intentioned phone calls

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

In the very beginning we told no one, then as the years progressed and we had our failures I began opening up.

This last cycle (which worked) was actually kept secret - I guess because we had so much riding on it, I couldn't handle talking about it. Then we still waited until I was past 12 weeks to say anything.


You know the people in your life the best, none of our friends & family were/have ever been mean or malicious about our IF, if anything it may have helped some ladies go to REs.

Best of luck to you!!

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

Pretty much, I don't talk about it.

If my family and friends remember, they knew that I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2000. Since my wedding reception (yup, immediately after cutting the cake someone asked how soon we'd have kids), I try to be vague..."health issues"..."hormones out of whack"..."God's will"...but I'm now closer to 40 than 30, married for three years...

My family is also the type that everyone tells everyone everything. In graphic detail. There's a lot of, "pretend you don't know, but..." even when someone tells one person but not everyone.

So, for me, until there's something to tell, there's nothing to say.

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

Well since it's been almost a year long struggle for us, we recently decided to tell our parents. Believe it or not, even with all the questions they ask all the time it was a relief.
My mom even said she wishes I told her sooner so she could have been there for us all this time. Her reaction was totally unexpected.

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

We have told our family and a few close friends. I guess I should say my friends, not my DH's.

Truthfully, without having someone else to talk to, I would go crazy. Sometimes I need a girl to chat with about these things. IT makes me feel better to talk to my mom, sister or my best friend. They get all the girl crap we have to go through!!!

They have all been wonderful. Sometimes my mom will call a lot. She chats about anything, I think she is just worried beyond belief for me. I appreciate the calls and if I dont want to talk, no one pushes me.

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

No not at all. My family and friends were very understanding and supportive. It also stopped the "when are you having a baby?" questions, which was a relief. They all respected my privacy, and never asked unless I offered information.I am very fortunate.

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

I will never regret telling my friends, family and even my co-workers about my IF issues. They all have been such a great support system for me. DH on the other hand didn't want his family to know what was going on and that caused a huge fight between us. He felt embarrassed because we couldn't get pregnant and I told him that he wasn't the reason of why I couldn't get pregnant. I just had issues. It even got to the point that I told him that I was sorry that I was the cause of his embarrassed. At that point he finally got it. I got tired of his family asking us questions of when we were going to start having kids. I was very open with his mom on what was going on. My parents knew from the very beginning, that was just something I couldn't hold back from them. They helped me through so much during the time of my surgery and when I had my final IUI. The day that I got my BFP, I was at work and I just ran around the office like chicken with my head cut off telling all my friends. From all the hugs, kisses and even screams of excitement, it was great knowing that I had such a strong support system.

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

I am glad we told them. We find we have such a great support system & everyone is so understanding. They do inquire about procedures & what not but I don't mind it.

Also since we are the first to go through this on both sides of our family, it is a learning experience for them too. I know it will be harder when it comes time when we are pregnant bc we wanted to surprise everyone, but we will deal

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

I told my mom and she was supportive. However, it was annoying explaining the different processes to her each time.

My In-laws one mother's day said something, like "Maybe next year, you will be a mother" I got all red in the face and then told them what we were going through. They felt really stupid and apologized. And, to boot, my FIL is a Dr. at Cornell and never offered to get us an appt with their clinic! Go Figure!

My friends were very supportive but I found my greatest support came from the ladies here! They truly were my pillars of strength!

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

My family and DH's family have known all along. I feel better having a support system around me.
They will ask for frequent updates in the beginning, but will learn to space it out and just ask once in a while.

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

Posted by BA2008

I keep thinking I'm not going to tell i"m not going to tell, but I have a big mouth and I cannot keep it shut. I go on and on and on about IF with all my friends and family. Oh well. I tried for like a second. Though sometimes I think I may jinx myself by talking about it too much. I'm weird, what can I say. I do avoid calling people because this is all I talk about. DH is tired of me talking about this all the time. I mean really tired of it.

Message edited 7/31/2008 1:56:50 PM.

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

Welll..yes and no. I'm glad we told our family because they definitely have been there as support. I'm glad I told my boss because she has given me so much flexibility and I am grateful for that. But in a way I always feel bad....almost like it's SO private and yet here I am telling them about my egg retrieval etc....oh well, it is what it is...

Re: Telling Friends/Family About IF

We have recently come out of the IF closet, so to speak.

I was pregnant last year and it was ectopic. I had emergency surgery, spent a night in the hospital and required 24 hour care for a few days afterwards. There was no keeping this to ourselves. Due to the unique circumsatnaces surrounding my surgery, I was out of work for a month.

Everyone knew we would go back to trying when we were able and were wondering what was up and why I wasn't getting treatment at the 1.5 year mark.

We told our parents first and began to tell our friends and be more open about it a few weeks ago. I have a big mouth and it was killing me to not share. hard to lie when people ask what's new and you are focusing all your extra energy/time/money on IF.

Everyone in my life has been supportive and wonderful. We were private at first, but in the end laying it out on the table was best for us. GL!