Telling the families...

..that you dont plan on having kids? At what point do you tell them, if at all?

For various reasons, DH and I most likely wont be having kids. I've already pretty much told my mother.

The issue I'm having is his family. We were visiting them in Fla. recently, and his mom made an offhand comment about us having kids. I wasnt sure how to react. His parents are very non-intrusive in our lives, and would NEVER outright ask us when we plan on having kids. But I kind of feel bad, if she's sitting there waiting for a grandchild that will never come. DH refuses to tell them, and I dont know how to bring it up, or even if its my place to say something. How to handle this sort of situation?

Re: Telling the families...

When people ask, I tell them we don't want children.....of course that response always leads to more questions and of course usually the statement, "Oh your still young" .

The conversation did come up with his parents, more in conversation. His dad works in Manhattan and a lot of his clients do not have children. He told DH, he doesnt understand people who dont want children. Of course then DH told his parents that we didnt plan on having them. His dad was upset.

I usually dont bring it up randomly, but if the conversation of having children comes up Im always honest about my feelings. I dont care how others feel about the situation. In the end it would be me and DH taking care of a child, not others.

I guess it just kinda gets easier the more people ask.

Re: Telling the families...

We are still undecided about having children. It's very much up in the air and we probably won't be certain about it for a few more years.

Our relatives all assume we definitely want kids and just haven't had them yet but will soon since we've been married 2.5 years (we went to visit his aunt for Christmas and she was saying ".. since you two will be starting a family soon .." and I was thinking "what!?! why would she think that?" but I kept my mouth shut). I just ignore the comments and act oblivious.

I think my family (mom and brothers, I have a small family) wouldn't care at all either way. They very much feel that whatever we choose is our own decision to make and mind their business about it.

His family though, is another story. I know DH's parents can't wait to become grandparents. They drop hints (don't outright say it) quite often. I am kind of dreading if and when the conversation eventually has to come up if we decide not to have kids. I can't imagine their reaction So for now, we say nothing and just nod when they talk about our "future kids"

Re: Telling the families...

My mom has known since I was 18 that I would not be having kids.
My in-laws asked us, because my DH has a HUGE amount of health problems all stemming from a birth defect. I think it made them a little sad when we said no but they understood that it was not a whimsical decision and we 342 reasons NOT to have kids and no really good reasons to have them.

Re: Telling the families...

I really don't think it's something you have to announce like you would a pregnancy or an engagement etc.
In my opinion- it's none of anyone's business- and that includes my family.
If they ask- I tell them.
If they don't- they will figure it out eventually!

Re: Telling the families...

Posted by anonttcer

I really don't think it's something you have to announce like you would a pregnancy or an engagement etc.
In my opinion- it's none of anyone's business- and that includes my family.
If they ask- I tell them.
If they don't- they will figure it out eventually!