telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

I am hoping that you can advise me about what to do in a sensitive situation.

A friend of mine who lives far away from me doesn't know that I'm PG. I haven't told her yet because she had a miscarriage last year and hasn't been able to conceive since. I guess I am afraid to tell her, because I am afraid of saying something hurtful by mistake. Actually, I'm afraid that the news itself -- no matter how I convey it -- will upset her.

I know that I should tell her, but I don't know how. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated! Thank you in advance.

Re: telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

Having been on the receiving line of that situation, I would just come out and tell her. She will probably be very happy for you, even if it hurts a little. You can't change that in any way.

Just tell her you know it may be hard for her but she is such a special friend you wanted her to know. She will understand.

Re: telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

I agree with kara. It's better to tell her then to keep it from her. I am still in working on getting pregnant and will be doing IVF this month and would be more upset if a friend did not tell me then be upset that she was pregnant. Tell her!

Message edited 1/28/2007 5:04:58 PM.

Re: telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

Posted by karacg

Having been on the receiving line of that situation, I would just come out and tell her. She will probably be very happy for you, even if it hurts a little. You can't change that in any way.

Just tell her you know it may be hard for her but she is such a special friend you wanted her to know. She will understand.

Re: telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

I agree with all of the above - I would also not tell in any kind of public place - I know she is far aaway, so that may not happen, but tell her in a place where she can easily deal with it privately

Re: telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

def tell her, i told a friend we were pregnant and didnt even know they had been trying over a year and had fertility issues. She said she was happy for us but i could see she was really upset and sort of sarcastic. She finally explained all thats going on with them, and now i know that she is happy for us even though they are having isues, that was just her way of dealing with it (i was hurt at first by her response). I feel better that she knows though and dont really talk about the pregnancy unless she asks, which she does actually a lot b/c shes curious to know whats its like, for when she becomes preggos (as she is starting IVF in the next couple of months)

Re: telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

Message edited 1/28/2007 5:33:01 PM.

Re: telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

One of our really good friends was going through this for 2 1/2 years. We just came out and told them, we did not do anything cutesy. Then, when we were leaving, my husband turned to me and said I have a really good feeling that they are going to be pregnant really soon (My husband is not the type to say something like this). Lo and behold, a month later, they were pregnant.

Message edited 1/29/2007 8:06:56 AM.

Re: telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

I would basically tell her say over the phone but I would be prepared to not get any type of response or be prepared for the worst, her not sounding happy and let her know its OK if she needs time to be happy for you, you wouldnt expect any less after whats she been going through.

After dealing with infertility myself before getting PG, I wish any of my friends had told me it was ok to not be thrilled for them. I always was, but sometimes less so and I felt incredible guilt over that.


I think your a good friend for even trying to do the right thing by her and that will come across for sure, no matter what you say.

Re: telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

Thanks a MILLION to all of your for your insightful advice. I truly appreciate it. I am going to call her today!

Re: telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

I agree, I have a friend who is not probably 6 months PG and still has not "told me". I only know through friends. I dont know if I will ever be able to forgive her for that.

Yes it may have hurt, but it hurts way more being avoided and knowing that she couldnt even tell me.

Re: telling your news to a friend with fertility problems

Posted by karacg

Having been on the receiving line of that situation, I would just come out and tell her. She will probably be very happy for you, even if it hurts a little. You can't change that in any way.

Just tell her you know it may be hard for her but she is such a special friend you wanted her to know. She will understand.