Terrible two's and getting abused by my daughter...AND I MADE HER CIO FOR THE FIRST TIME-EVER!

Jules is teething really badly and has been just not herself this past week. Last night, she cried for an hour and a half. This is a kid who hasn't really cried for no reason siince before she turned one... she just never cries, even if she falls. So anyway, we had a really long day and her new thing is hitting. Her and my nephew-DAWNIE's-son are both watched by my mother and they will just walk over and swat at eachother and push eachother for absoutley no reason. It's a game to them. So my mother will tell them no fighitng and seperate them.

I noticed a few days ago she started yanking off my glasses laughing and say, "we're fighitng" and swat at me. The kid has no concept of what fighitng is and thinks it's a game. You can not tell a 1 year old to stop fighitng and expect them to know fighitng is a bad thing. It's like saying stop eating or stop running. To them, basically, a verb is a verb...THis went on for a good 15 minutes tonight where she would just lean over and smack me. SHe will be two in March and I am not sure if this is terrible two, or negative learned behavior from my parents, but I was P O'd. She caught me right in the eye!

As far as how bedtime works with her, she goes down at about 7. She has been going down at 7 since she was 6 weeks-no problem. By 8.00, she still hadn't fallen asleep and she was trying to beat me up! And it wa not funny-she really hurt me! We have a rule that she has to lay down with Mommy and Daddy until she falls asleep, or she can go right in to her crib and stay there by herself. She used to go down with a bottle at 7, but when we stopped the bottle at 18 months, we had to try it this way...

So by 8.20, my eye was tearing, my glasses were bent, my patience were shot and I had had enough. After repeating over and over the crib rule, I just scooped her up and put her in the crib and let her scream for 10 minutes straight. I watched the clock and by 10 minutes, it got lower and the sobs were more spread out. By 13 minutes, kid was out! My poor husband was more traumatized than she probably was, he stood in the hallway listening by the door the whole time. He was so upset! But I had had enough! I am usually so patient, but this hitting this is really getting to me! Maybe bc I was a teacher I know the whole discipline game, and I believe in praise when they stop rather than reprimanding, the whole soft spoken voice, the thanking when they do stop and the whole reverse psych theory, but I have had enough of this getting physical with her! I am pregnant and I was sick of getting whacked in the stomach by her every night this past week.

Other than this, I don't have one complaint. SHe is well behaved, polite, smart, amusing, easy going and generally very "compliant" of anything yuo tell her. No temper tantrums (yet) or anythign like that. You can walk through the mall holding her hand, she does not run off or anything...she is a really good child who understands it all.
But this physical stuff is really getting to me...

ANy other mother's experience this at two or do you think it's all the negative reinforcement-like I think it is...
It's hard to explain to people who reaised you to try a different approach without hurting hteir feelings... I could not ask for better care for Juliette, but I know my parents and I feel this stems from their discipline.

Re: Terrible two's and getting abused by my daughter...AND I MADE HER CIO FOR THE FIRST TIME-EVER!

I think that she wanted your attention & she got it by hitting you. She's only a month shy of 2. Not sure what your reaction was I think telling her if she hits you, you're not playing with her then walk away & ignore her could help you.

It may be a learned behavior from your parents or it may not be - either way she's old enough to know that she shouldn't be hitting. That's not to say she's never going to hit but it's not a game.

I think you need to be stricter with her on it now & reign in the behavior particularly while you only have one child to focus on. I know after I found out I was pregnant, I became one of the stricter parents because I thought of my time to teach him to behave was limited. Getting out of the car, he had to hold my jacket or place his hand on the car until I was ready to move.

Yes, this is defintely easier said than done. I would just do as much as I can in terms of changing her behavior before it's uncomfortable for you to lift her into that crib.

Re: Terrible two's and getting abused by my daughter...AND I MADE HER CIO FOR THE FIRST TIME-EVER!

It does seem that she wants your attention and tries to get it by hitting....like Barb said if you immediately tell her no then walk away from her she will soon learn that hitting does the opposite of what she wants

my neice did this and that is what my brother and SIL did and it took a little while but they stuck to their guns and she stopped

Re: Terrible two's and getting abused by my daughter...AND I MADE HER CIO FOR THE FIRST TIME-EVER!

Sorry you had such a rough night. I agree that it's for attention. I know it's hard to ignore her, but it sounds like it will help in this situation.

Re: Terrible two's and getting abused by my daughter...AND I MADE HER CIO FOR THE FIRST TIME-EVER!

No matter what approach you take, the key is to be consistent and not givve in. No matter how hard she cires and screams she needs to understand that there are rules to be followed. She will soon get the idea and things will get easier!

Re: Terrible two's and getting abused by my daughter...AND I MADE HER CIO FOR THE FIRST TIME-EVER!

Nothing is worse than typing a whole saga and realzing only when you hit "POST REPLY" that you are not signed in, lol...

She woke up at 4 last night and asked for milk. I took her in my room with her cup and she layed down for a few minutes. Then she tells me she isn't tired, she wants breakfast. So I get her a few O's, stick her in her high chair which I had in my room yesterday bc I was naseaus, and put the TV on.

At about 5, I took her out and tried again. She was ok for a few minutes, grabbed a fist full of my hair and said, "COme on Mommy! Let's fight..." and she was giggling. I grabbed her hand ans said NO! Fighitng is a bad thing, not a good thing. It hurts me and it's not a game. I flipped over and she got upset..she said You ok Mommy? I love you much. I said yes, I am ok but fighting hurts. So she turns to DH and swats him. He pretends he is asleep. All is ok for about ten minutes and I am falling asleep. ALl of the sudden, she reaches over and scrathes my face. She goes let's fight!!!!!!!!

I said NO! FIghitng is bad and if you can't be a good girl, you can't sleep with Mommy and Daddy! I picked her up, put her in her crib, threw her blankets over her back. I walked out, turned off the hall light and layed back down. She cried for 5 minutes straight and just passed out from exhaustion.

I have tried ignoring it on some night, but with her, usually reasoning works better. She is funny, if you make a compromise with her, she goes, ok, deal and gives you her hand to shake on it...

I AM the strict parent, my husband is mush with her... I have tried it all. And I realize she only does this at night. When she is overtired. Otherwise, I really don't have one complaint. Her speech is on a much higher level and you can have a full coversation with her and she understands it all.

Any suggestions are appreciates. As I am sitting her, she is swatting at my 5lb chihuahua... I will be back before the dog loses an eye... Poor Momo...

Message edited 2/25/2007 9:48:32 AM.

Re: Terrible two's and getting abused by my daughter...AND I MADE HER CIO FOR THE FIRST TIME-EVER!

Ok-so she hit me again with a pair of sunglasses. I said there will be no hitting in this house! I picked her up, plopped her in the crib, and walked out the door.

She screamed for a few minutes and once it was quiet, I walked in and went to pick her up. I said Juliette, you can not hit mommy. You hurt me... You need to be a good girl! She goes no, not sorry. Fighitng mommy? We fighitng.

I said ok, when you are ready to me sorry and NOT hit and hurt me anymore, you can call me and I will get you. I walked out and she screamed. 5 minutes later, it was quiet and she called mommy, I sorry!!!
So obviously she understood what I had meant. Brian gets her, and she bursts our crying Mommy, Mommy I sorry! No fighting! I sorry and she is sobbing... I take her and tell her she is such a good girl and good girls don't hit and hurt people. She is hysterical. THen she goes no hit, no hurt Mommy. SOrry Mommy! You ok mommy?

So after she calms down, she is very clingy and Brian takes her to his mothers. I call my mother and tell her the story-last night through now. She says, "That's so funny!" and she is hysterically laughing! W T F is so funny? I freaked out! I told her that from now on, she is not to use the word fighitng and she is to pick them up, remove what they are fighting over and seperate them, that's it. SHe is like ok, whatever... and she is still laughing!
Why must grandparents be so lenient!
I feel like the 24 hour struggle I have had with this child has just gone out the window.

Re: Terrible two's and getting abused by my daughter...AND I MADE HER CIO FOR THE FIRST TIME-EVER!