"The Talk"... but one step further

I have an on-going debate with DH over this issue, and I hope some of the moms of older kids might be able to shed a little light on it for me.

My DS, who is 10, is going to middle school next year. He knows the mechanics of sex. he knows that it results in babies, etc. He's been very open in asking me questions about stuff relating to sex, puberty, etc ("So-and-so said xxx at school... is that true?") I feel like Ds going to middle school means that an open conversation about birth control is in order. DH says absolutely not. He says DS is too young, and that talking to him about birth control gives him a license to have sex. He feels the same about talking to the girls abut birth control, when the time comes.

I got pregnant when I was 16, and had DS. I didn't know my options about BC, and a condom broke. I worked in middle schools and high schools, and saw scores of pregnant girls, girls who kept babies and girls who had abortions. My district doesn't do much in the way of sex ed, and I want my children to be educated in a way that I wasn't. I truly do not understand DH's point of view.

The way I see it, it is a numbers game. MOST kids are going to have sex before college. It is the way the world is. I feel like to say, "Just don't do it," is hiding your head in the sand. In a perfect world, I would LOVE it if my kids stayed virgins until they got married. The fact of the matter is that they aren't going to. SHouldn't they be safe about it?

Sorry this is so long, but this has been marinating in my brain for a while.

As a parent, how do you walk the line between educating your kids about this, and givng them, as my DH says, a "license"?

Re: "The Talk"... but one step further

I am all for age appropriate information and education, lay it ALL out there, give them access to everything they need and then it's in the child's hands to do what they can/will/wish to with that information.

I don't think it's giving a license per say, I just think giving teens the access to birth control and STD prevention like condoms is part of the FACT that they probably will experiement and using the above will reduce their risk of disease and pregnancy.

Since your son is 10, I'd say wait another year or 2, but by 12 sounds okay to have the talk. I think the fact that you are thinking about it is great, and sounds like he knows a lot already. We tend to forget that sexuality is part of a person from birth!

My SIL was just telling me about a text message she saw in her 12 yo DD's phone....another 12 yo boy was discussing oral sex! I believe that is the "thing" with kids in JHS now!

Message edited 1/8/2011 2:23:49 PM.

Re: "The Talk"... but one step further

I don't have older kids but I agree with the other poster. I think I would talk about oral sex and believe it or not anal sex. I hear what goes on in middle school through my friends with there kids and it is crazy.

Re: "The Talk"... but one step further

With the stuff my 7 year old is coming home saying I think I would absolutely have the talk when he was going into middle school. I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Re: "The Talk"... but one step further

My initial reaction is that I agree with your husband on this one. I would wait for about 2 years, however after reading all the responses to your question I realize that perhaps I am living under a rock... Anal and oral sex discussion with a 10 year old? Is that what parents have to do these days?

Re: "The Talk"... but one step further

Talk to him now and keep the communication bond open. The longer you wait the more you risk him being too embarrassed to talk to you.

I honestly can't see how talking to him openly and candidly about BC will give him a license to have sex.

Re: "The Talk"... but one step further

My SD just started middle school and I found out she was googling various slang terms to find out what they meant. Inadvertantly, she was enabling soft-core porn sites to pop up on my computer.

Check his texts, emails, etc and see what he's talking about with his friends. I think that will give you a better gauge has to what "level" he is at and guide you as to what type of talk is needed.

Brace yourself. Middle school age s ucks! I can't believe the difference in my SD between last year and this year.

Message edited 1/9/2011 11:25:41 AM.

Re: "The Talk"... but one step further

Posted by WhatNow

My initial reaction is that I agree with your husband on this one. I would wait for about 2 years, however after reading all the responses to your question I realize that perhaps I am living under a rock... Anal and oral sex discussion with a 10 year old? Is that what parents have to do these days?

Posted by Stacey1403

With the stuff my 7 year old is coming home saying I think I would absolutely have the talk when he was going into middle school. I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Stacey, what is he saying???? Please tell me know so I at least have 2 years to prepare myself!