The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Opening prayers:

Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine.)

Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)

Overview:

Once we were slaves in Egypt.

Now we are free. That's why we're doing this.

Four questions:

1. What's up with the matzoh?
2. What's the deal with horseradish?
3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?
4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?

Answers:

1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time to make decent bread.
2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3. It is called symbolism.
4. Free people get to slouch.

A funny story:

Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)

Afikomen

We hid some matzoh.

Whoever finds it gets five bucks.

The story of Passover:

It's a long time ago.

We were slaves in Egypt.

Pharaoh is a nightmare.

We cry out for help.

God brings plagues upon the Egyptians.

We escape, bake some matzoh.

God parts the Red Sea.

We make it through; the Egyptians aren't so lucky.

We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)

The 10 Plagues: Blood, Frogs, Lice-you name it.

The singing of "Dayenu":

If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would've been enough.

If he'd punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, if would've been enough.

If he'd parted the Red Sea . . . (Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)

Eat matzoh. Drink more wine. Slouch.

Thanks again, God, for everything. Amen!

SERVE MEAL

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

this actually sounds like my family's sedar!

DH's family on the other hand... do it the orthodox way and we never eat until midnight!

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Posted by MrsRbk


DH's family on the other hand... do it the orthodox way and we never eat until midnight!

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

I have seen this before-- I love it!

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

I am definitely going to try to get this implemented!!!

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Cute!

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Of course, there is the even shorter story that explains most Jewish holidays:

They tried to kill us.
We won.
Let's eat.

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Posted by Jax430



Of course, there is the even shorter story that explains most Jewish holidays:

They tried to kill us.
We won.
Let's eat.

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Posted by Jax430



Of course, there is the even shorter story that explains most Jewish holidays:

They tried to kill us.
We won.
Let's eat.

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

yup, basically sums up every single Jewish holiday

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

I am forwarding this to FIL RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

You think if I printed this out, copied it, and passed it out at seder I'd get in trouble?

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Well - this might be the type of seder we have if I don't give birth soon - I'm due the 2nd night!

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Posted by mrswask

You think if I printed this out, copied it, and passed it out at seder I'd get in trouble?

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Well - this might be the type of seder we have if I don't give birth soon - I'm due the 2nd night!

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Posted by SweetestOfPeas

Posted by mrswask

You think if I printed this out, copied it, and passed it out at seder I'd get in trouble?

I am so doing that! I wonder if my Mom will go for it. My Dad would be easy to convince

Re: The Two-Minute Haggadah . . . . A Passover Service for the Impatient

Posted by mrswask

Posted by SweetestOfPeas

Posted by mrswask

You think if I printed this out, copied it, and passed it out at seder I'd get in trouble?

I am so doing that! I wonder if my Mom will go for it. My Dad would be easy to convince

I think everyone would laugh and then roll their eyes at me