Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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This is just so insanely hard
 Silly me, I really thought, when and if the day came that my father passed away, I wouldn't be as torn up because, in a way, I've grieved his loss for the last two years when he was at his sickest.
Boy was I wrong.
Some days I'm ok - I forget or I'm distracted. Other days, when I have time to myself to think, it just hits me like a train. It's so god-awful - I miss him so much, I miss our talks, I miss him in my life, and I miss him in my daughter's life. He was my only real connection to family - without him, I feel like I'm completely lost, totally ungrounded, just flapping in the wind by myself.
I feel like everyday, no matter what my mood, whether I'm upbeat, distracted or busy, there's this constant, heavy, dark, sobering cloud hovering over my head, and I feel like this is it, this is how I'm going to feel the rest of my life, and I'll never be able to shake this feeling of intense, intense sadness and loss 
Message edited 2/26/2009 7:06:24 AM.
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Michi
My Love
Member since 5/05 31600 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: This is just so insanely hard
I know exactly what you mean. It took me a really really long time until I didnt just burst into tears at any give moment b/c the realization hits you. As prepared as you think you are, until it happens you really cant feel the feelings. Dont judge ur self for not grieving quick enuff, it really is a slowwwww process and a cycle of emotions.
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danielleandscott
My new 71 Super Beetle
Member since 5/05 13476 total posts
Name:
Scott
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Re: This is just so insanely hard
Believe me I know how you feel, but you have to give yourself time to grieve. If I am not mistaken, your Dad passed a way recently. Next friday it will be a year that my Dad passed a way. The first few months thoughts of my Dad consumed me morning nonn and night. I still think about my Dad and yes sometimes I can't tell stories about himw ithout chocking up. But there are time I can laugh about times we spent together and remember what a great person he was and how truly blessed we were to have him in our lives.
I know they say the first year is the hardest and so far it is.
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: This is just so insanely hard
Don't be hard on yourself Beth.
There are no rules or timelines when it comes to grieving the loss of a parent.
My Dad has been gone for 10 years and
I can randomly get hit with things out of the blue.
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: This is just so insanely hard
I know Beth. It hurts and aches- and people don't realize how long and think you should be "over it by now". But its takes a long time for the initial shock of it to go away... and then there is forever a hole left.
But my attitude has always been to see how lucky I was. Some people have awful fathers for their whole lives. You were blessed to have a wonderful father for so many years to watch you get married, meet your DC and to share the joy of your second pregnancy with you. That's a lot more than some people have- or even want- with their dads.
We are here for you whatever you need. 
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