Those on the fence

What are your deciding factors?

Right now for us I am very torn. I feel like life is soooo busy already. I am always exhausted and on the go. Things will only get worse!!!!!!!!

Re: Those on the fence

i was thinking about this the other day and this is what i came up with:
1) I want to travel and having kids and traveling is not the most pleasant of all experiences.

2) I have to care for my husband, adding a child to it might bring me to my breaking point.

3) I do not want to join the club of parents who come in 15-20 mins late daily at work because their kid threw a hissy fit. I understand parenting is challenging but when it happens 2 times a week it is unfair.

4) As awarding motherhood is, my mothering friends seem to complain more about not having a life, being stressed, wished they only had one kid and honestly it scares me.

But what makes me want a child:
1) having someone to love unconditionally, to care for, to teach and to pass on my family heritage.

2) all the fun things that we could do together and the memories we can build.

And that is about it so if I am going to have one i am going to wait until I can not wait anymore then really make up my mind until then I will be happy to be childless!

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For us it is mostly money that is holding us back.

But I am 33, inching to 34, so if we are gonna have a kid, we need to start NOW. Esp. because we want more than 1 child We were on track until I got laid off and now make a tiny percent of what I was making.

But then i think, people who are REALLY bad off have kids all the time and are all right... DH has a good steady job that pays ok.... but me getting laid off right after buying a house has crushed us.

But waiting another year to have a child means I'll be getting close to 35, which is "the cut off" you know, so we really should try now.

..but I don't want to be worrying that much about money for the really of my life...

And around and around in circles my mind goes every day!!

Re: Those on the fence

Posted by LINewbie


And around and around in circles my mind goes every day!!

Re: Those on the fence

Posted by Jackie24

Posted by LINewbie


And around and around in circles my mind goes every day!!

me too!

Re: Those on the fence

i feel torn lately myself.
as some of you may know from past posts, dh and i were having troubles for a while. we very recently decided to give it another shot, after a 4 month separation.
i always thought i wanted kids... when dh and i first married, i wanted a baby right away. he wanted to wait, and i am thankful that we did - because of all our problems. i would NEVER want to drag a child through what we went through.
now with this 2nd chance, i feel like i am thinking with a clearer head and being more realistic. children put a big stress on a marriage... we are working to make ours strong. sometimes i wonder if it would be better for US, just to leave it as him and i. and frankly, i LIKE my life how it is now. maybe it's selfish - but i enjoy being able to do what i want to do when i want to do it. i have 2 dogs that i dote over, and love it. i don't feel like my life is "missing" anything. i definitely understand how some people have that passion to be a parent and wait their whole life to do so... is there a part of me that wants kids? watches other families and smiles, thinking what it would be like to make those same memories? absolutely. i don't want to regret my decision down the line. but right now, i really just don't know...
dh and i work crazy jobs. we are both police officers that work crazy schedules and have long commutes. child care would definitely be able to be worked out... i just feel like we already live hectic, stressful lives... and for me, just the act of getting pregnant would put such a kink into my career. i would be taken off the streets for the duration, lose my partner etc - i've worked so hard to be where i am. giving it all up is a major, major decision. some women's life goal is to be a mom. mine was to have a career as a police officer. it also weighs on my mind, with us both being in law enforcement - what if we both aren't there for the major holidays, or get stuck late on our child's birthday or can't get the same vacations to take a trip as a family or can't get the day off when our child is sick? it's enough for us both to deal with, there is a part of me that would feel guilty maybe not being there as much as we want to be for the *big* things.
dh used to get so tired of people asking when we were going to have a baby, right after the wedding. now i completely get where he was coming from. people ask how old we are (i'l be 29 next month, he'll be 30 in feb) and kind of give us that look like, you better get a move on! it's nice to read these posts where not everything is about having a child for everyone. it's a BIG decision for some of us.

Message edited 9/27/2009 2:26:29 PM.

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thanks, jackie it's good to find a group of people i can relate to

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DH and I are on the fence as well.... someone mentined that the age of 35 was the cut off age.. Sorry, I don't agree with that. Many women have a baby up to 37 sometimes 38 years old.. I have seen it happen. Some women in my family have had babies at 37 - 38 years old and the babies were fine. The pregnancy was fine also.

Re: Those on the fence

I want to have a big family but have no desire to be pregnant. I have my own weight issues and a possible heart condition. I'm selfishly opting to wait until I'm mentally prepared to feel worse than I already do! Plus- I love sleep!

Message edited 10/15/2009 6:46:01 PM.

Re: Those on the fence

I just wanted to say that for me, the decision was kind of made for me. I was back and forth, and DH was almost 100% AGAINST have any children. Then, I had some GYN problems, some fertility issues were brought up and we were in limbo for a few weeks.

That time, thinking that we couldn't ever have a baby - feeling like that. . . we KNEW immediately that we wanted one. It took that wake up call to kick us in the behind. We went from never wanting to kids to actively TTC in one GYN visit!

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I've been very torn by this, on one hand I really do want children but on the other I keep thinking about our ages (DH is 53 & I'll be 47 next Friday) also would it be fair to bring children into the world at our ages. I know that
DH would be a great Father and everyone has always told me that I'd be a great Mother. DH and I talk about having a baby, this is a very hard decision for us to make. I know that there are a lot of couples having children after 40, I'm just not sure of what to do anymore.