those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

32 weeks pregant now. my "shower" will be at 37 weeks..invites arent out yet.... Ive already started to feel uncomfortable sitting, running to the ladies room, back pain, braxton hicks, extreme tiredness... i cant imagine sitting through one in 5 weeks from now....

my bridal shower had like 45 people. it was fun & a surprise(although we didnt play bridal shower games which i specifically handed to my mom to play- instead she drew numbers out of a hat for prizes as a "game", and was at a restaurant i hated). there is alot of family/friends we dont see anymore. this shower would only be remaining family- and only be 8-10 people. For weeks now i've felt like its not going to be the same. that it will be weird with so few people. even if i invited friends it would only be 2 extra's

Dh says he knows me and I'll "regret it down the road if I dont have it", and thinks maybe he can see about having it bumped up so that im more comfortable & not upset.... ( i was in tears tonight) But i just dont feel like my heart is really in it, and i dont want to be the b*tchy preggo lady who had it moved up - and still wasnt happy with it. While i love i just feel
1. like its never going to come close in caliber to my bridal shower
2. its just going to feel like another family party, rather than a shower
3. a reminder of all the people we dont see anymore..
I dont see a solution that i will feel good with other than not having it,these feelings have been building for weeks now...

Plus- at work they'll be having a mini shower for me(so its not like i wont have any shower), after the baby is born he'll be christened & have a bbq afterwards(so we can actually celebrate him being there). And I already have the bassinett, video monitor, baby clothes, carseat & strollers, so its not like there is too much neccessities left

Re: those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

OK first Sorry you're feeling down....
If it were my call I'd say have it!!! I remember feeling really uncomfortable like you at 32 weeks, but around 36-37 wks I had quite a "burst" of energy, maybe hormones, maybe just the anticipation of meeting soon! My shower was quite small as well, but I had a fantastic time, it doesn't need to be 50 people to have fun, my sisters and mother did a great job and it was really nice :) I *despise* shower games so we didn't do any of those at either my bridal or baby shower, but if you want them for your baby shower just have a friend or different relative be in charge this time.
(As far as regrets only you can say whether you'd regret it in the future -- lots of people don't have a shower either for cultural/religious or just personal reasons so there's no harm if you really prefer not to have it though.)
You have a lot of "stuff" already but there are sooooo many things you'll need, every little bit helps, that's for sure.
Good luck in whatever you decide

Re: those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

I had my shower at 35 weeks and it wasn't bad at all. I actually don't think I went to the bathroom that many times. It was at my godmother's house so it was low key. I had about 10-15 less of people so I want to say about 20 people at my shower (maybe a little more) and I had a better time at my baby shower. My bridal was at a restaurant and I felt so rushed. My friend just had her's 2 weekend's ago and she was 37 weeks. It was at her mom's house and it was also low key. She seemed to enjoy herself and she just took it slow when it came time to open presents. Her niece helped a little with that .
I think baby shower's in general are a different vibe overall and I think you will have a great time even if it is a few people. I think if you don't have one it will hurt you more emotionally.
Get yourself a cute outfit and pamper yourself for that day and just enjoy

Re: those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

I never had a shower with my first. I had lost a set of twins the year before and everyone thought it would be bad luck to throw me one...

So I went through the whole pregnancy thinking that they were really good and going to surprise me only to find out once I had her that I wasnt going to have one...

I have to tell you that I do feel like I missed out on something..or rather..she missed out somehow...I dont know why.

Id say go and have your shower....

Re: those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

i thought sleeping on it i'd feel a little better in the morning, but i still feel like i dont want one. i know small showers can be fun- but 8 family members just doesnt feel like a shower.

maybe -part- of it comes from the fact last night i was asked a guest list after i told them it a month ago,and making it so late after i told them when people typically have them so they arent uncomfortable feeling. it feels like they dont care what i think(and i went throught that with my bridal shower already)
and i was already sad to start with that it was going to be so small(reminding me of all the people i dont see anymore, granted there is drama there and im glad i dont see those people now, but back then i didnt know, and it felt good to be surrounded by so many people there for me..) Then i start remember last night how my family commented afterward on dh's family not giving enough & not dressing up enough- which was the reason i was going to originally have 2 showers of 5 people so i wouldnt deal with that again.

then dh gets upset cause he thinks my family is ruining it for me,and wants to fix it, but its a combination of things, and it doesnt feel fixable, theres just too many issues. im in tears again because i really feel like it just dont want it and wont feel happy at it.

Message edited 3/24/2009 8:33:39 AM.

Re: those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

I told my mom no shower! she threw me a jack and jill shower, small like 20 ppl and I had so much fun, I was so glad she and my sister didn't listen to me why don't you have a jack and jill shower? we had it at a restaurant, it was very nice and even better bc the guys were there too!

Re: those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

I had neither and I regret both.

But I’ve been to plenty. I can say you won’t really be doing a lot of moving, so you can sit or stand as you see fit. Most attendees just giggle at the preggo for all her little trips to the bathroom etc. Heck that’s a game on its own… winner is the one who guesses number of bathroom trips in a two hour span! LOL

I really hope you feel better about this.

Every part of this pregnancy is an experience. Cherish each one, good, bad, ugly or uncomfortable. I SWEAR to you afterwards you can laugh about this (say about 2months after the baby).

I can’t imagine why your family is dragging their heels. I sorry about that too, but I hope you go through with it. Even with those who are no longer around that you WANT around, it will be nice to go through the motions to honor them. Remember, Fake it ‘till you make it! For those who you are glad aren’t around, well just think of all the fun their gonna miss!


And finally…. Take a stand. You want fun…? Well honey than you should have it. No one says you HAVE to do what they say (or rather don’t do anything cause they say so) get some close friends or family members to back you up. Lots of people want to play games and EVERYONE wants you happy so just ask. Give a list… let them take ownership of certain stuff and watch how badly they mess it up! Its hilarious. Remember it’s the thought that counts.

And like PP said. Get a dressy dress or something. It’s a great belly photo op! Have your Hubby rub your feet and your shoulders the night before and sit back and RELAX and enjoy it!

Bump it up sooner or not, its your choice. But I also agree with another PP around 36-37weeks you get a whole new burst of energy.

Re: those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

I think you should have the shower if they are offering to make you one. It is a way to celebrate this new life and member of the family. Life can be filled with too many of hte bad times, so you must celebrate the good ones! The end of the third tri. can be very uncomfortable but I hope the party makes you forget how you feel. Don't try to compare it to your bridal shower b/c it isn't the same thing...that party was for your and DH and this party is for your LO...though you will do all the work opening gifts and saying thanks.

Re: those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

I definitely say have it! I had a really rough pregnancy and then end was so uncomfortable. I was due in July and my shower was a sweltering day in June. My mom wanted to do it women only in some lame restaurant that she wanted to choose only because it was close to her. Well I had another idea so DH and I booked a room at Dave and Busters, invited our family but also our friends (invited men and women). We played really funny games, had great food and overall had a blast. We had a big screen projecting a soccer game in there too in case the guys wanted to watch. We "pretended" that my mom hosted but we did everything and paid for everything. At the end it was worth it for us.

Re: those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

I htink you shoudl have the shower, I'd try to get it bumped up though...37 weeks is teetering on your delivery date. Mine was set for 37 weeks, but I had her bump up 2 weeks, good thing because I had my little boy early.

Re: those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

If the offer is there, then I say go for it. My bridal shower came with a lot of drama and I didn't really enjoy it- but I would have regreted not having it at all. Then for my baby shower there was a lot of drama too. My mom and I were fighting for months, which has never happened in my life. So even though my parents paid for the shower, I planned everything from the invitations to the decorations to the favors. I wasn't looking forward to it, but it wound up being the stepping stone to make me and my mom make up.

Re: those that chose not to have a shower- did you really regret later on?

I almost didn't have one. I didn't want one. Looking back now I am glad I did have one. I KNOW I would have regretted not having one, that's why I decided to have one in the end. I am glad I chose to.

If you are on the fence, I say do it so you don't have any regrets. I agree with your DH.

Message edited 3/24/2009 1:28:21 PM.