Those who live with in laws??

In the near future it appears that DH, DS and I will be moving into the upstairs apt in my in laws house. Now I adore my in laws. Seriously, I refer to the family as the "brooklyn italian waltons" my fears are 3 fold:

1- is that my MIL is very opinionated. its easy to dismiss stuff now b/c i'm 3 blocks away and she cant see if i do what she "suggests". living upstairs feels a little harder. lol

2- DH and I the normal couple who fight on occasion. sometimes its a spat and other times we are at each other's throats. here its a fair fight - 1 vs. 1. I'm scared at his parents' (a) they can here us (b) they will get involved.

3- its a beautiful house and they keep everything in good condition but with that said there are things I'd want to change about the apt. A few of them I'm sure they wouldn't have issues with i.e., painting the apt, replacing a door that gets stuck. But I'm nervous a few other things I'd like to do may be a problem: painting/removing the wood paneling in the hallway that leads up to the apt. its very dark and difficult to see.

also how do you handle ???

Re: Those who live with in laws??

We live in the middle apt of my MIL's 3 family house. She lives upstairs from us.

1. My MIL is very opinionated too... I love her to death...and she has never been a problem. She gives me her opinions...sometimes I agree with her and other times I don't. I do whatever I feel is right with my family and I have no problem being honest with MIL. I think its the only way of being able to keep a great relationship...just be honest. I'll usually say...that's a great idea...thank you...but I prefer it this way. The biggest thing with DD so far was when she was little and we would swaddle her to sleep. MIL made this huge deal that she thought it was torture and cruel and refused to swaddle her. Soooo....when she babysat at night and DD fussed and refused to fall asleep...I told her...try the swaddle and she fell asleep instantly....then MIL got it! haha!

2. DH and I don't really fight...but we tend to make snotty remarks to each other and sometimes in front of her. Never once has she gotten involved! I think that she tries not to be "that" MIL. And even if she did get involved....im sure DH would say something to her. Like i said before...if something bothers you....you or your DH should say something....so that it never gets to the point where you start resenting them for anything. You guys are all adults. Maybe before you move in you can hold a meeting where you share with them your thoughts and concerns....so you can openly discuss these things with them beforehand.

3. We have made changes to the out apt. We just asked her first. Since it was to make the apt. nicer....she had no problem with any of this.

RE: Our bedroom in underneath hers...so we usually put music on....are relatively quiet...or just have fun in other rooms of the apt. hehe!

Re: Those who live with in laws??

We live with my ILs right now. We don't have a separate apt.

1. My MIL is so nice and generous to us. She does have her opinions and she states them and I either agree with them, politely disagree, or just don't say anything. They are doing us a huge favor letting us live there so we try really hard to make it a nice living situation.

2. DH and I fight occasionally and I'm sure they've heard us a time or 2, but they've never said anything. A lot of times we fight at night after everyone's asleep so I'm not sure how much they can/do hear.

3. We haven't made any changes because we are living in their house, not an apt. If there are changes you want to make I would have both you and DH sit down with them, or just DH since it's his parents and discuss the changes you want to make.

As for we usually do it at night after everyone's asleep and we usually have the TV or music on, or in the morning before everyone wakes up. We try not to be loud.

Re: Those who live with in laws??

1. she gives me her opinion and if I agree I do, if I don't, I don't. she doesn't take offense if I don't listen to her at all. she is actually really good about deferring to me, almost too good.

2. she does NOT get involved. never has and never will. she really respects her "place" in the sense. the only thing she will do if she sees me getting really heated is say something like "take it easy" or "don't worry, be happy" hey, cut her some slack..she's not from here.

3. she could care less what we do to the place. paint, floors, furniture. as long as we leave her room alone, she doesn't care what we do.

my MIL is probably the most awesome non stereotypical MIL's that I have ever met. I know she thinks I am a little insane. I know she doesn't always agree with me....but she NEVER harps on it. usually I make her laugh b/c she's never seen anyone so ridiculous. but I honestly believe she cares for me very much, and only wants me to be happy and make a happy life for her son and grandon.

oh, the sex thing...we bought a country house. Luce wouldn't exist if not for that house. and maybe pre Luce Wed night church night. but now, exhaustion takes care of that anyway.

Re: Those who live with in laws??

We lived with my IL's for 18 months; however 12 of those months they were down in GA

Basically; the original agreement was that they were moving down south and we would "lease to own."

She let us re-decorate as we saw fit; although other than the kids bedrooms- we didnt change anything; because I didnt want to put money into it until it was officially ours (THANK GOD- I didnt!)

My MIL- is very opinonated; but Im a tough cookie! I blew off as much as I could, but we had a few doozy blow outs...Ive learned over time that more I "let slide" the more she tried to pull over on me... Stand your ground; you'll learn quickly when you need to speak up!

DH and I actually became CLOSER living there... We fought often about my IL's previously to living there... My DH just thought I was too sensitive; but after living there he saw for himself; it was like 5 years of justification... As far as bickering goes; we always try to keep it behind closed doors because of the kids-so it remained that way- adding the IL's to that mix wasnt difficult!

It was very very difficult for me to live there; but we didnt have a private apartment... I started to feel like the live in maid; and became very stressed/depressed over the situation...

My kids were spoiled rotten; and alot of my rules were dismissed... I am now busting my butt to get my kids back in a routine that I find reasonable/acceptable.

I would do it again; because it allowed us to save money to buy our beautiful and my children adored being so close to their grandparents... but could I do it long term... Nope..never!

was very odd in the begining; but eventually we just got over it...Our bedroom was at the total opposite end of the house; we'd lock the door and just be as quiet as possible!

Message edited 3/3/2011 2:21:36 PM.