today is a very bittersweet day...I am struggling with this..

Today, as we all know, is the first day of school and normally I would have spent the days leading up to it getting my class ready, etc....but this year, I am not...I am now a sahm with our new dd and I do love doing it but it was only partly my choice (the fact i am an untenured teacher made it a no brainer this yr)...but today is a tough day for me, I feel lost in a way..and I feel bad, like poor dh has all added stress and I guess I second guess if I should have pushed harder to come back this yr instead of being a little more baby preoccupied...I also worry that now I will have lost all my connecitons, etc (you know, out of sight, out of mind...)

I don't know, I guess I am rambling, and please don't flame me for any of this...I love being home with both my girls (older dd goes to school 2x a week!) but I am not sure, I just feel wierd and a little sad too.... and embarrassed for even thinking like this too...please tell me I am not irrational or weird....

Re: today is a very bittersweet day...I am struggling with this..

I don't find it strange at all. Fall always reminds me of getting ready for school, the excitement, etc...and I'm not a teacher. Maybe it's because I'm a sucker for new notebooks.

Also I don't think it's out of sight, out of mind. If any of my old co-workers who were terrific employees called me, I wouldn't hesitate to help them if I could.

Re: today is a very bittersweet day...I am struggling with this..

Are you kidding? This is my third "back to school" without being back to school. I've been sad each and every time...like something's missing, KWIM?

Like you, the choice was made for me a bit more than it was made by me. And even though I've been home for over two years now, I still feel a little stabbing inside especially during September. I walked through the park at 7:30 this morning with tears in my eyes.

It does get easier though (even though periodically I mentally calculate how much more time I have left on my sentence. Kidding...) and guess what? Tonight I do go "back to school." It's my very first parent orientation and my big girl starts pre-k on Thursday!! In some small way I'm back!

Re: today is a very bittersweet day...I am struggling with this..

nope not weird or bad at all for you to feel this way! i am only on maternity leave and feel a little lost today myself. i love what i do (school librarian) and love being with my kids but i still miss work. most people probably think thats nuts but it is what it is. 2 yrs ago i took the entire year off from work and i actually cried the first day school opened b.c i wasn't there! this time i have to go back nov. 30th so i am trying to savor this time home.
but don't feel bad for feeling that way! it's completely normal and acceptable! your being home with your kids is something you won't do forever and work will be there for you in the future if you choose. there will be more septembers to start a new school year....

Re: today is a very bittersweet day...I am struggling with this..

thanks everyone - i felt stupid to even write this post but figured better to get it out to those who'd understand....

Re: today is a very bittersweet day...I am struggling with this..

I am home on leave and feel so displaced this week. I love the first day of school and that back to school feeling. I kept reading my coworkers posts on FB last night missing it.

Re: today is a very bittersweet day...I am struggling with this..

its still not easier and stupidly I took a walk by our neighborhood school yesterday night...made me feel even worse...although my girls loved the walk which made me feel good! (we are loving the new city mni double stroller I bought!)

Re: today is a very bittersweet day...I am struggling with this..

Non-parent crashing here - but I wanted to tell you you're not alone. I left my teaching job just over 2 years ago for another career path, so for me it WAS completely voluntary, yet not a September has gone by since then that I don't feel wistful and nostalgic and sad. It's gotten a little better each year, and I don't regret my decision at all, but that feeling still comes back when the school year starts. I don't know that it will ever go away. Hang in there, and know that your feelings are normal and shared by plenty of other teachers