Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

First, I want to say that *I* myself am not a schedule person. I am all over the map...

...but one thing I've learned about my DD since she's gotten out of the baby stage is that she THRIVES on a predictable schedule. She wakes up within 1/2 hour of the same time every day, wants to nap at 11:30 on the dot, and wants to go to sleep for the night at 7:30.

I've tried to get her to be more "flexible", but it never ends well...it ends up with a cranky toddler and an exhausted mommy & daddy.

My mom doesn't agree with the fact that I let DD dictate the schedule. She thinks that DD should be adapting to MY schedule.

Today was the perfect example of this: My aunt & uncle are in town from Atlanta, and my mom left me a message saying that they were going to meet for lunch at 2. I told her I wouldn't be able to make that, because Ryleigh would still be sleeping. She kinda at me and then left.

Once DD was down for her nap, I put the ringer on the phone on silent so I could nap too (I'm 37 week pregnant so this is pretty much a daily occurrence with me these days).

I woke up to find FOUR messages on my machine from my mom, asking if I was coming to lunch. WTH???

So, instead, we were going to have dinner at her house. My mom knows that Ryleigh eats around 6:30 and goes to bed about an hour later.

No phone call or nothing, she shows up unannounced at my house at 7:15, gets mad when she finds out that DD has already eaten, and even more angry when she finds out that no, I will NOT be coming to her house for dinner 15 minutes before Ryleigh's bedtime.

Does anyone else take flack from friends or family members for sticking to their LO's schedule?

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

YES and it's so annoying! More than once we've been invited to a party/dinner at someone's house at 6 and had to decline because it was like 30-45 minutes away and DD goes to bed at 7. They don't get why I can't just have her go to bed later. Same thing with a wedding we have coming up later this month - the extended family can't understand why I won't bring DD to a dinner reception that starts at 8! For the record I am bringing her to the cocktail hour so she can say hi to everyone so that is already a huge compromise on her bedtime.

I totally feel you!

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

i used to have a very ridged schedule w/ DS... then i had my DD and that all flew out the window.

not having a schedule makes life sooooo much less complicated.

but i do understand what your saying when it was just DS i felt the same way. and being pregnant didnt help either.

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

Not really bc I adjust her schedule to our plans. As long as she gets a nap at some point during the day and goes to bed around 8pm she's good to go!

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

Yes at times. MIL doesn't understand why if a family party starts at 2, we generally don't arrive until 3ish b/c I refuse to not let them nap b/c then they are cranky messes & not themselves & they don't have a good time & neither do I. They usually nap at 2, so I try to put them down a bit earlier so we aren't extremely late, but yes I get the eye roll when she asks, "oh did you hit traffic?" Ummmm no, they were napping (as if you didn't know).

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

I am very strict - some people don't get it but it's what works for us and I don't care what they think

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

DD is also cranky when her schedule is disrupted, but for some things I just go with the flow. For example, last weekend we went to the aquarium with her cousins. We got there early but left @ 1 1/2 hours past her regular nap time. She slept in the car on the way home. Was it her "normal" schedule - no, but she still got her nap, and still went down for the night at her usual time.

ETA: When I am invited to go someplace in the afternoon, I never leave until after DC's nap. I've never had a problem.

Message edited 6/4/2010 11:37:54 PM.

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

I don't get flack per se, but once in a while my ILs or parents will make a comment about me not wanting to mess with naptime or leaving a party early to get the babies to bed. But, my family also knows not to fuuck with me or else I will bite their heads off, AND I have very easy babies, so I guess they also think we are doing something right and therefore rarely make a peep. I feel that my DDs are only small for a small amount of time and it is my job to ensure that they have enough sleep for optimal brain development and overall physical development. They can party it up in a few years!

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

Posted by CJMommy

I am very strict - some people don't get it but it's what works for us and I don't care what they think

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

Oh God yes. DD will be 4 next week and I am still very regimented with her. She no longer naps (except on rare occasion on a longer car ride) but she has a 7:30 sharp bedtime every night. She will not sleep later in the am if I keep her out...so then shes down sleep and gets screwed up for days...all over 1 night out late. sooo...its just not worth it to me. I am constantly getting peoples comments because I wont stay out past 7 with DD. Its extremely rare...like Im talking 3 or 4 times a year I will make an exception. I am a single Mom and I know I will have to deal with Dds crankiness for days all by myself. Its bad enough that I know her Dad doesnt follow a routine on "his" weekends and she comes home a nightmare.

ETA I was always very very strict about DDs naptimes too.

Message edited 6/5/2010 7:36:11 AM.

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

I get some flack for sticking to my schedule....but i also make my schedule a little flexible...usually within an hour time frame i would say for nap/dinner etc.

But i am also always on the go, so my 1 year old's schedule does dictate things to a certain extent, i just try to plan around them. If it's around her nap time, i will usually go out about the beginning of her nap time and let her fall asleep in the car seat and then put her in the stroller to bring her wherever till she wakes up.

So while she sticks to the same basic schedule I don't make it so i have to be home at that time to stick to the schedule. And as for bed time, there are times where we're out past her bedtime and she will come over to us and just go to sleep on our laps or we put her in the stroller or pnp and she'll go to sleep.

So while, people get annoyed(including my DH) that she has to stick to her scheudle with naps, eating, bed etc. We dont have a schedule where it has to be and try to be flexible that way.

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

I dont get flack but people think my child is a circus clown who can perform when they want her to. They are disrespectful of her nap times (and they are nappers themselves). ONE missed nap on a Saturday, and the rest of the weekend is SHOT to hell for both her and us. This will NEVER happen again. If my child needs to nap, everyone else, including DH and me will come last. If they don't like it, too flipping bad. I snapped at someone last week because of it.

And when Zippy comes, my new home will NOT have an open door policy. You come when I tell you to come and not when it is convenient for you. Im sick of it.

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

DD can nap anywhere from 11 am to 3 pm....depending on what we are doing. Maybe I'm lucky that way. But I try not to let her nap schedule or any type of schedule run my life. I would miss so much if I did.

As long as she eats and gets a nap, she's pretty good. Sometimes she skips a nap or will take a cat nap in the car. She's usually ok.

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

I don't get slack from many people but I do tend to get annoyed at others that get annoyed when I won't disrupt the girls schedules a few days in a row. We had family in from out of town and my Mom wanted me to bring the girls in what would have been the middle of naptime. Normally I wouldn't mind but I have learned the hard way not to do this with 2 kids too many days in a row. We had 2 parties that weekend and I did not want a third day of the crankies from them both knowing full well that I would get no help from my Mom in calming them down when the crankies hit. She was annoyed but I did what was best for them both and my sanity!

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

I don't get flack, but I do get some eye-rolling and strange comments from my ILs. I have learned that my son is a wreck if he does not nap and go to bed at a decent hour. There have been some exceptions to nap and bedtime routines, but I choose carefully when we are going to stray from DS's routine and I know what I could be in for in the following days. This is one of the few aspects of my life when I can truly say that I don't care what people think! My DH and I make the decisions for our son based on what we know is best for him... end of story. Hang in there! It must be difficult to get into it with your own mother. I hope things get smoothed out!

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

My family is pretty understanding. DS needs his nap, without it we are all miserable, sometimes I can get him to go down a little early, but really there isn't much leeway.

Today he went down about an hour late and he was a bear!!! I had a heck of a time getting him to eat lunch and he was flipping out when I tried to change him (he never does this!). He cried the whole time I read to him, but if I tried to put the book away he'd flip.

The way I see it is he NEEDS sleep, he is only 17 months, sleep is a NECESSITY, not something we fit in when we can. If someone gets upset about that, they can go scratch.

We have a birthday party tomorrow at noon, right when DS goes down for a nap, I told my sister we would be late and her response was "that's fine, you'll get here when you get here" I'll try to put DS sown at 11ish so we don't miss much, but I won't bring him and expect him to make it without a nap.

Re: Toddler moms--do you get flack for sticking to your child's schedule? (A semi-long vent)

I hear ya! Personally, I don't care what people think or say...............in the end I have to do right by my DD. And the reality is there is no getting her on MY schedule. I can't make a toddler sleep when she isn't tired or eat when she isn't hungry. My DD is like your DD...........she likes to nap and be in bed for the night at the same time because it's when she is tired. She knows what she needs better than me so I too follow her lead. She likes to be napping between 11:50 and noon and she sleeps until 2-2:30. She is in bed for the night at 8pm on the nose. Sometimes things come up and I have to be a little flexible but I try to not deviate too much from her routine because like you said, it just makes for a cranky, irritable, little monster and then our lives become all out of of whack. Don't feel bad for doing what's right for your kid!