Toddler who will not stay in bed...desperate for help(long)

I am out of ideas and beyond frustrated. We have an 11 week old DS who is up a couple times a night still and my 27 month old DS has made bedtime a nightmare in our house.

Since he was born we have had sleep issues. We have done CIO 3 times, at 6 months, 12 months and again at 21 months. At 21 months he was in a bed so we had to put a gate on his door and let him scream. It took 3 weeks but then he got it and we had a month or two that was good. We tried that again when he started getting out of bed after the baby was born but he figured out if he shakes the gate enough he can get it off and he was kicking the gate so much we thought he would break his toes (he did crack a few toenails).

We talked to his pediatrician who recommended picking him up and putting him back in bed, no eye contact, no talking, no response. Well, it has now been 2 months and its only gotten worse. He can be exhausted, falling down tired and he will still climb out a million times. Last night it was 45 minutes of putting him back in. DH and I are tired, frustrated and losing our patience. We take turns putting him down so that we don't lose our cool and give him any reaction.

We tried a reward for staying in, he loves getting s stamp on his hand. It worked once. We tried a projection of stars on his ceiling, I even made a bedtime book with pictures of our routine showing him staying in bed. I'm out of ideas.

Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated. I hate the stress of bedtime, it makes me so sad that every day with my wonderful boy ends with this awful bedtime and battle of the wills. What else can I try?

Re: Toddler who will not stay in bed...desperate for help(long)

can you give him toys to play with in bed? We give DS cars or the crayola glow board, or something. He plays with them until he falls asleep.

Re: Toddler who will not stay in bed...desperate for help(long)

A few things.

Jack has a zillion stuffed animals in bed with him (had them in his crib too) and he can play with them for up to an hour before falling asleep)

Also, Jack is just in a full sized bed for about two weeks now and has just started to give us problems BUT - he will falls asleep on the floor. So, we let him fall asleep there and then transfer him once he's really out.

Re: Toddler who will not stay in bed...desperate for help(long)

He had stuffed animals, he threw them all out of his room one by one saying he didn't want them. After a few nights of that we put them in a basket and now he ignores them.

I would be fine with him playing with toys or anything if he would stay in his room. I just don't know how to get him to stay in his bed with anything. He just screams that he wants out of his room and wants to play.

I guess I could make a box of bedtime toys and take them away if he got out of bed.

Re: Toddler who will not stay in bed...desperate for help(long)

Bump for the afternoon crew.

Re: Toddler who will not stay in bed...desperate for help(long)

We close Kaydyn's door at night. Sometimes she falls asleep immediately and other nights she can be up for an hour and a half. Sometimes she cries and sometimes not. We took everything out of her room except a couple of stuffed animals and a few books. She'll wander around her room and eventually fall asleep, sometimes in bed, sometimes on the floor and then we transfer her to her bed.

Can you close his door?
Can you give him some things to keep himself occupied?
Maybe change his bedtime (either earlier or later)?
Maybe a reward chart?

Re: Toddler who will not stay in bed...desperate for help(long)

My son was very bad at bedtime for the exact same reason. The only thing that worked for us was a combo of cry it out and turning his doorknob around and locking it from the outside. It was a week of h ell, but we'd put him to bed one time and that was it. He screamed, yelled, banged, etc and every night it got a little better. He'd fall asleep on the floor next to the door or by his bed and then we'd go in and put him in his bed.

But he learned that bedtime was bedtime and it was not an option to fight because he wasn't going to win. Just remember, everytime you go in when he is throwing a fit, he wins. He got your attention and got you to do what he wanted...go into his room.

I know I sound like a hard as s, but some kids are so strong willed you need to be even stronger. Eventually he came to accept his bedtime routine and the problem disappeared and his reward was being able to leave his door open at night.

I know some people are very against closing a childs bedroom door at night for various reasons, but it worked for us and everyone is well rested.

Re: Toddler who will not stay in bed...desperate for help(long)

Thanks for the replies. I guess I might have to resort to closing his door. I think I was hoping for some magical fix that would be easier than redoing CIO for the 4th time! We have never closed his door at night before so I know it will totally freak him out on top of everything else. But, for my own sanity it might be worth a few rough nights. I do have a video monitor for the baby so I could set that up to see what he's doing in there.

I feel bad for him and for us, bedtime should be relaxing and peaceful, not a battle.