Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

Martha Stewart's daughter Alexis is going to be discussing how she spends $28k a month trying to get pregnant and how her mom feels about it.

Lisa Ling is also doing an expose on "Wombs for Rent" which looked like it might be upsetting, just as an FYI.

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

I just watched the preview on Oprah.com. Apparently, women on the other side of the world are carrying babies for American women. I am going to guess it is a lot cheaper to do that than to pay an American woman to do it. I am not sure how I feel about that, but then again, I do not know the whole story. I would have to watch to form an honest opinion.

Wombs for Rent

As far as Alexis Stewart goes. If she chooses to spend her money that way, she is no different from any other woman who does the same. She is blessed to not have to worry about where the money comes from, but I am sure her grief is the same as any other woman who would give anything to have a child.

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

There are other people in my situation(RPL) that choose to go with surrogacy...I have heard in the US it could cost $25,000 for s surrogate...I don't have that kind of money so I can kind fo see the ration ale. I don't know that I woudl do it becaus of health concerns but it is interesting. I am going to DVR it as well

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

Just watched this --- made me cry.

However 28K - a MONTH? I wonder who her Dr is?? Cuz that's a loooooooot of $$!!

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

Just when I was about ready to watch her with a scowl on my face, OPRAH surprised me with a little compassion.

The first part of the show followed a couple from CA to Anand, India. There there was a fertility clinic that used surrogates to carry babies for couples from all over the world. This particular couple went through the IVF process in India to have their embryos implanted in a surrogate. In return, the surrogate will be paid a sum equivalent to 5-6K (NOT including doctor's fees), which, in India, is apparently like "hitting the lottery" because the living conditions are so poor. The surrogates must have at least one living child already. The rationale is that they are less likely to form attachments to the child she is carrying for someone else. The surrogates are monitored constantly. They stay in the clinic for the 2ww and the last month of the pregnancy. The other months, they are in a surrogate's house where they can take classes and have some education.

The money is invested by the doctor in the clinic so the women who are the surrogates can provide their already existing families with a safe home hundreds of times better than the ones they had before. The homes are in the woman's name so the taxes/fees (not remembering what they call it there) are less than they would be in her husband's name. The contractors used by the clinic's doctor are legitimate and therefore the families do not lose money.

The woman who was a surrogate is not only able to provide a home for her family, but perhaps a better education for her children. American, European and couples of other cultures use this as an alternative to surrogacy in this country that can cost upwards of 80K. Thats a huge difference.

The second part of the program followed Alexis Stewart in her trials and tribulations to get pregnant. She has spent up to 28K per month in her IVF process at 42 years old. Some months she has viable embryos and some months she does not. She went through 3 failed IVF cycles.

She seemed to emphasize the importance of checking fertility BEFORE you decide to have children. She felt that if a woman or a couple waits too long by choice, like she did, there options would be limited. Perhaps there is some validity to that argument. In my case, checking fertility before I was married was not an option as I would not have had kids as a single woman.

She also said how Hollywood paints a pretty picture of how so many older stars are getting PG in their mid 40s when they do not speak about those who can't.

I think this is the gist of it. Forgive me if I left anything out.

Message edited 10/9/2007 5:59:27 PM.

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

Now for my opinions after my tears.

We are a little over a year in our TTC journey and almost half of which was spent under the care of an RE. There has been a lot of heartbreak and tears in a relatively short period of time. We have a ways to go before we would consider surrogacy in this country or any other but we would never rule it out in either place if we had the means and ideal situation.

BUT in order for us to use a surrogate in another country, I would more than likely have to quit my job. This couple traveled across the world for weeks at a time. Neither DH or myself could do that. It would end up costing us a lot more than 6K independent of the flights back and forth to get there as well as hotel stays. How this couple did that I do not know. I'm pretty sure the woman went alone a few times - I couldn't as I would need the support of my husband. We simply dont have that kind of time. Would we do it if we could? Probably. But it is not an option for us right now - we are nowhere near that place in our journey.

As far as Alexis Stewart is concerned, she makes no bones about where her money comes from and I venture to say she is probably using a very expensive and popular doctor. I liked her brutal honesty.

Her mother is a publicly traded company and has millions. If my mother had millions, she would do the same - no questions asked. In fact, she offered to help us, but we are not IVF patients and everything we have needed thus far has been covered under our insurance. When I told her how much it would cost, she was like "Oh I had no idea." I simply couldnt fathom having the kind of money the Stewarts do.

I felt just as bad for Alexis as I do for any other woman/couple going through this. The desire to be a mother/parent burns in so many of us. It just goes to show you that even being the daughter of a millionaire doesn't guarantee anything.

Message edited 10/9/2007 6:08:32 PM.

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

You are right. There is a stigma. But I don't think it is a stigma of shame - just a need for privacy.

It is very possible that the Arquettes and others like them privately donate money to support infertility special interest groups or lobbyists. Maybe they simply want to enjoy their time with their daughter before taking on what could be a very time consuming task. I'd do the same.

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

Of course, I forgot to DVR.

Leslie, thanks for the recap!

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

There was actually an article in Glamour, I think in the Sept. issue about surrogacy in India. It was very informative, and from what it sounds like, the women who are surrogates there are chosen very carefully and are very well taken care of. If a couple decides that surrogacy is the right option for them, I can see why going to india can be such an attractive plan.

Re: Tomorrow on Oprah (Tuesday 10/8)

I was prepared to think negatively about the surrogacy in India and I actually came out of it wishing I had known more about it before and really think it is helping both Us and those women and have no negatives at all about it.

Wonderful show IMO.

Actually surrogacy in the US can run upwards of $75K and it was reported to be about $12K there ( and that includes the egg retrieval and transfer!)