Ugh -- FB & 12/13 year-olds make me so sad.

I am "friends" with one of my daughter's friends on FB. They've been friends since elementary school and I'm also friends IRL with the girl's mother.

This girl had some horrible things on her wall tonight that my daughter saw because she was sitting right next to me. I never really look at her friend's page because I don't have reason to, but I said to my daughter innocently "let's see what J has to say tonight...". Turns out she was cyber-bullying and trash-talking another student, along with some other real nasty stuff. My daughter was so sad -- she truly looked like she was going to cry. She is just so naive and this pretty much popped her bubble -- my heart really broke for her.

On the otherhand, it was a moment for a good learning experience. It was a good moment to explain to her why I don't want her to be a part of FB -- and she agreed that she doesn't want to be part of something like that either. It was also a good opportunity for us to discuss peer pressure, etc. She is just such a good kid and phenomenal student -- I wish I could shelter her from this crap.

Anyway, as I mentioned, I am somewhat friends IRL with this girl's mother. I'm no parent of the year and I've made plenty of mistakes, but your kid has dropped about 20-30 points in most classes in school. You see her getting a real nasty "I don't give a ****" attitude, you see her changing from one group of friends to another that do not have a good reputation, yet you buy her a laptop and let her join FB and Formspring??? And you think it's all ok because you are "friends" with her on FB and you are "watching" her on there??? Obviously not close enough my friend...wake up!!!!!

Message edited 7/6/2010 12:47:10 AM.

Re: Ugh -- FB & 12/13 year-olds make me so sad.

This is really depressing. I am worried about Robbie becoming a bit of a bully - it's something I am always on the watch for. I don't know when I will allow him to FB - I guess we'll take it as it comes. But I will guarantee that stuff like that would result in the IMMEDIATE dissolution of any on line networking accounts he might have.

And Noah - he's so sensitive. I am worried about him BEING bullied.

I do NOT look forward to Middle School. *sigh*

And to your daughter for being the type of kid who thinks that behavior is unacceptable and sad.

Re: Ugh -- FB & 12/13 year-olds make me so sad.

What do you do in this situation? Talk to the friend about her daughter? Bring it to the school's attention? Is it their domain if it's during the summer?

I do worry about bullying with both of my kids - both becoming & being the target.

Barbara - It's a testament to your relationship with your daughter that she even included you in that conversation.

Re: Ugh -- FB & 12/13 year-olds make me so sad.

Posted by nrthshgrl

What do you do in this situation? Talk to the friend about her daughter? Bring it to the school's attention? Is it their domain if it's during the summer?

I do worry about bullying with both of my kids - both becoming & being the target.

Barbara - It's a testament to your relationship with your daughter that she even included you in that conversation.

Re: Ugh -- FB & 12/13 year-olds make me so sad.

scary!! I know several people with kids around that age and I am FB friends with them and one of them, her DD is her FB friend so she sees what goes on and it's crazy. Am i that out of touch? I do not want to raise kids like that...does anyone? I can't even judge bc my kids are small and it's all easier said than done but for god's sake, to minimize it sounds dangerous IMO. I think some people still subscribe to the idea that if something was around when we were kids (like bullying which has always existed) that today's kids will get through it too. But the forums for bullying and the level it can brought to cannot be compared. Some parents are very immature too and it translates into their parenting. I definitely don't think I am the perfect parent and i know my kids arent perfect but I am a realist. I hope she gets a clue. it sounds like your DD has her head on right.

Re: Ugh -- FB & 12/13 year-olds make me so sad.

I'm with you. As a mother of an almost 13 year old, we are a no FB household.

Most of my daughter's close friends likewise do not have FB accounts. When she occasionally asks I tell her no and explain all the reasons that have already been discussed. I explain to her that at the end of the day I'm the mother, and although we can and do discuss anything, she'll just have to trust me on this one.

I do also "discourage" friendships that I don't feel good about and, frankly, don't feel badly about it in the least.

Message edited 7/6/2010 8:44:19 PM.

Re: Ugh -- FB & 12/13 year-olds make me so sad.

I have posted about this before. I want to know WHERE these parents are and WHY they are not looking at their kids fb accounts.
These girls are NASTY to one another and I think it is disgusting.