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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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update on situation - still confused though.
Message edited 1/9/2007 11:33:34 AM.
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Posted 12/19/06 4:40 PM  |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
I still don't understand why he is so obsessed with Manhattan. The subletting thing can go either way
1) he has a taste of Manhattan living and realizes its not all its cracked up to be
or
2) he has a taste of Manhattan living and loves it...
but maybe you will love it too?
I don't know, I am not sure what advice to give you. It just seems so odd he is so obsessed about living in one particular place.
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| Posted 12/19/06 4:44 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
I still think that you have to be on the same page with your priorities.
I think I remember you saying that your DH works a ton of hrs?
He sounds like he lives to work.
What about living in the city does he love besides having a shorter commute?
Again, even a commute from an apartment in the city can be 25 minutes.
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| Posted 12/19/06 4:45 PM |
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lilacwine
only love...
Member since 5/05 2034 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
you've made it this far, so why not give the sublet a try -- or at least call the person back to see if they're normal
the sublet doesn't need to be in a convenient location...I'd suggest something on the UES in the low 70s, so you're a long walk from a very crowded subway 
I live in queens and one of my co-workers lives in the east 70s and it takes me 20 minutes to get to work in midtown west and takes him 45!
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| Posted 12/19/06 4:48 PM |
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Kate07
Feel better my little guy!
Member since 5/05 4476 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
Nothing against Manhattan, but if you are 25 minutes away, why does he HAVE TO live there?
Geez, I commute to work like almost 2 hours each way and I don' want to live there. It is fun to experience and enjoy the city - but I still don't understand why he HAS to live there and make you feel guilty
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| Posted 12/19/06 4:51 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
Posted by Kate07
Nothing against Manhattan, but if you are 25 minutes away, why does he HAVE TO live there?
Geez, I commute to work like almost 2 hours each way and I don' want to live there. It is fun to experience and enjoy the city - but I still don't understand why he HAS to live there and make you feel guilty
I know, I truly do not understand either. He literally thinks in black and white terms, he wants to live in the city, I posed doubts about the move, therefore I'm stopping him.
He says the other things he loves about the city is the convenience to get chinese food on the corner at 10:00 at night, walk to shopping, etc.
Message edited 12/19/2006 5:12:10 PM.
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| Posted 12/19/06 5:09 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
I think that one month is too short of a time and could possibly make your situation worse. If you are going to try it, I think you need to commit for a longer period of time. After only a month he may still love it and you may not have given it a sufficient amount of time. I would say if you are going to go down this route - go for a minimum of three months. I was definitely one of the proponents of you subleting your co-op and renting in the city for a while. What do you really have to lose by trying it?
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| Posted 12/19/06 5:09 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
I myself had to be dragged out of the city when I got engaged- and as much as I would love to move back there- I understand that it wouldn't work for both of us ( or me anymore I work in CT)
but my commute in the city was about 25 minutes walking accross town
if you both work in the city- it makes sense to live there- you don't need a car, gas or car insurance and living in the city isn't always more expensive then living on LI- for me it was cheaper- b/c I didn't have a car
I think if it's that important to him- it's something that you guys need to talk about and compromise on
for example- me and my DH were planning on buying a home on the south shore- well once I got a job in CT- and my commute became 2 hours on a good day- we talked about it and decided Westchester was fair for the both of us
I kind of think living in Great Neck where you live is a compromise already- but that's JMO- he obviously feels like he is missing out on something- but living in the city when you are married- is not as fun as living in the city when you first get out of school
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| Posted 12/19/06 5:10 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
Posted by Kate07
Nothing against Manhattan, but if you are 25 minutes away, why does he HAVE TO live there?
Geez, I commute to work like almost 2 hours each way and I don' want to live there. It is fun to experience and enjoy the city - but I still don't understand why he HAS to live there and make you feel guilty
I can see why he wants to live in the city even though they are already pretty close. I lived in hoboken and there was even a big difference between that and living in the city. Living in the city definitely has its advantages and disadvantages, but if you are 25 minutes outside the city or 45 minutes outside the city - you are still outside the city - KWIM?
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| Posted 12/19/06 5:12 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
Posted by lululu
I think that one month is too short of a time and could possibly make your situation worse. If you are going to try it, I think you need to commit for a longer period of time. After only a month he may still love it and you may not have given it a sufficient amount of time. I would say if you are going to go down this route - go for a minimum of three months. I was definitely one of the proponents of you subleting your co-op and renting in the city for a while. What do you really have to lose by trying it?
I agree with this- but 3 months might not even be enough time for him to get it out of his system
when me and my DH first started dating - he LOVED coming to the city to see me- after a year- he never wanted to come to the city again- but that was also b/c he was working in huntington- so the drive was crazy
he might not want to leave the city- and that's something you are going to have to think about-
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| Posted 12/19/06 5:12 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
Posted by Beth1210
he obviously feels like he is missing out on something- but living in the city when you are married- is not as fun as living in the city when you first get out of school
I completely agree - but since he never got to experience it, i think that it might be good for him to get it out of his system. Maybe if you just let him try it he will realize it's not all that he thought it would be . Kind of like the Grass is always greener mentality.
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| Posted 12/19/06 5:14 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
Posted by Beth1210
he might not want to leave the city- and that's something you are going to have to think about-
Definitely something you will have to consider.....
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| Posted 12/19/06 5:15 PM |
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veeandrich
LIF Infant
Member since 5/06 325 total posts
Name:
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
I wouldn't mention it again.
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| Posted 12/19/06 6:45 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
I'm not sure if I ever saw your orignial post so I really don't know the entire situation but, I live in NYC and I can think of one main reason why he would be dying to live in NYC - CONVENIENCE! My dh roles out of bed and walks around the corner to work and back again. We are within walking distance of most things so it is rare that we ever have to get on a subway or a train. If your dh works long hours and has a lot of work related activities in nyc i could understand why he would want to be there. For me, we both don't want to stay here forever - i.e. when we have kids but, for now - NOTHING beats the convenience. And although I could rent an entire HOUSE in a GREAT area in LI for what I pay for my small 1br - i suck it up because the thought of the subways and the train - twice a day, every day and at least 10 hours less a week of fun time with my DH - no way- nyc for me all the way.
My point - try it out. Maybe you will like it - it doesn't mean you have to stay in nyc forever and that you won't end up back where you are later in life. I find most of my friends move out of the city by their mid to late 30s so when that starts happening i doubt he will want to stay in the city! Also, if it is a temporary thing - why do you have to buy? Why not rent?
GOOD LUCK
ETA: I saw what you wrote about the chinese food and, honestly, the city is SO CONVENIENT. If i realize i am out of something - my DH walks downstairs and is back with it in 5 min at any time of the day or night. If i want shopping - i can go and be back in record time because i am surrounded by stores. Things are VERY easy here and if he has a difficult job and works late hours im sure he is surrounded by people with this kind of lifestyle and it may bother him that he doesn't have it this "easy."
Message edited 12/19/2006 7:11:55 PM.
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| Posted 12/19/06 6:51 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: more of an update on situation - still confused though.
Message edited 1/9/2007 11:33:21 AM.
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| Posted 12/31/06 2:15 AM |
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nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
Posted by veeandrich
I wouldn't mention it again.
I think the same thing... just let it go. Men are little babies some (most) times.
ETA: Do not give in. You'll end up moving into the city and you'll resent him for it because it's not what you truly want. Stand up for how you feel.
Message edited 12/31/2006 2:22:46 AM.
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| Posted 12/31/06 2:21 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
First - I am so sorry that you are going thru this....
Second, you say that all of your friends and family are against this move. Personally, I think that this should be a decision that you and your husband make together, alone. I know you are probably just trying to solicit advice but your friends and family have a biased opinion. Of course they dont want you to move away!!!
You are young, and you dont have children yet. Why not try it out? You may really like it! Just make sure that it is completely conditional - i.e. you will try it for x amount of time, but if it doesnt work out, you will move back. I would try to simultaneously sublet your apartment in GN for a year, while you rent an apartment in the city for year.
If you are really against trying it, then you have to tell him that it's a deal breaker for you and you are NOT going to consider it. However, I dont really think that's a fair....
You may also see that if you agree to do this, he may not even want to go thru with it. Also, make your hubby do all of the work as far as finding the place and subleting your place, finding movers etc.... He may realize what a pain it is and may realize it's not worth it.
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| Posted 12/31/06 9:02 AM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
I would do it for a trial period - say no more than 1 year. I am assuming your young, have no children, etc.... So now would be the perfect time to do it. Being that your DH feels so strongly about it, if you don't I am sure your DH will always feel like he missed out on something. It is about compromise, since it is so close your parents and friends could visit you. Look at this as a way to do some of the things in NYC that you would not have done by not living there.
ETA: lulu I just read your reply - Totally Agree with you!!
Message edited 12/31/2006 9:06:37 AM.
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| Posted 12/31/06 9:05 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
who is everyone that lives in the city? He thinks that everyone lives there?
We go into the city and hang out many times. You don't have to live in the city to enjoy it. I work there too and like working there and playing there but I sure as heck don't want to live there. Too many people in too little of a space.
I'm with you and I know you're stressed out but you have to come to a compromise if you are going to be happy.
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| Posted 12/31/06 11:53 AM |
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Kate07
Feel better my little guy!
Member since 5/05 4476 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: update on situation - still confused though.
I think you need to tell your husband to make up his mind before this cause some serious troubles in your marriage.
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| Posted 12/31/06 11:58 AM |
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