UPDATE!!! Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

My MIL is really sweet. A while back she asked me & DH for ideas of what to get me for Christmas, she wanted to spend around $300. So nice of her. There is absolutely nothing I want or need for that amount of money (I don't need more clothes or jewelry or anything else, even stuff for the house, I just don't really want more stuff), so DH told her this & she said she'd get me a couple of gift cards so I could pick out what I want when I want. Great! I really appreciate it.. Well I guess she changed her mind, MIL picked out a Coach bag for me for Christmas & bought it for about $300. She emailed it to DH afterwards. He showed me the email. I really appreciate the thought, it was so very generous of her and she is very sweet, but not only do I not like the bag at all, it's not a style I'd wear due to the strap not being the right length & the color isn't practical, I don't want an expensive bag at all. My bags get beat up & I don't want something I need to worry about or maintain, I'd rather have a $25 bag from Target.

Would it be rude for DH to email her back & ask her to return it & just get me gift cards (or the $25 bag I like from Target if she must LOL), because he thinks it's not a style I would wear & the money would better be spent another way... would this be rude??? I don't want to hurt her feelings. I also don't want either of us to come across that we don't appreciate her generosity or that she picked out something for me, because I do, but I also don't want her wasting money on an expensive bag I'll never use that will gather dust.


UPDATE!!!!!!!!!
DH emailed her.
SO it wasn't purchased off of Amazon after all, she just used Amazon link to show us the bag (she said it was purchased from a private seller in Arizona).
Second, MIL didn't pick it out. FIL did. And she wants to still give it to me so his feelings aren't hurt that I don't like it. She told DH to let me know ahead of time so I can act like I like it when I open it. She said she doesn't care at all if I never use it and she doesn't care if I don't like it. And she won't return it to get me gift cards or anything else instead, because she wants FIL to feel good about picking something out that I like (even though I don't actually like it).
I think the whole thing is bizarre and a huge waste of money, but apparently she doesn't care about wasting money (I already knew this), and I have to accept that they can spend their money any way they want.
I'm still thankful they got me a present.

Message edited 12/14/2015 9:21:28 PM.

Re: Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

I'd let her give it to you and then return it for something more your style.

I'd feel funny asking her to return it

Re: Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

I wouldn't have DH say anything yet. I'd feel funny admitting that I'd seen and criticized a gift before it was even given to me. I'd say a gracious thank-you when I got the bag and then I'd exchange it for something else. If she asks, you can tell her that after you tried it on with your winter coat (or whatever sounds right) that it didn't fit right, or the color didn't match. But that you were so excited to have a Coach bag that you exchanged it for one that you could wear all the time. (or, alternatively, exchange it for a fancy going-out bag that you could take to weddings or whatever, that way you don't worry about it getting beat up)

Re: Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

Re: Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

I don't know.

I think it is okay if it can be worded in a way where your MIL will NOT know that you saw it.

Re: Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

You might be able to return it to amazon yourself. Do you know if Amazon was the seller and what the return policy is?

Re: Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

If anything have DH say something BEFORE you receive it. That way there is the chance that you never really rejected it (she might suspect that you'd seen it though it can't be proven). If you return it on your own, she will notice that you never use it or that you got something else. No matter what, if you do not end up keeping the purse you will hurt her feelings to some degree. She'll think you don't like her taste. She probably wanted to get you something nice that she knew you would never splurge on yourself.

If you didn't really need the gift cards or $$, you can keep it and wear it when you go to visit her (probably make her feel good). If you'd rather be honest, just know that she will probably never buy you something so personal again (maybe a good thing).

Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

I do not think it would be rude to say something. She already asked, and was told what you would want and she agreed to get you GC so you can buy what/when you want. THAT would be the right thing.



If you prefer the $25 pocketbook from target than that is what you like and she should buy. Cloth, shoes, bags jewelry are very personal items.

I also agree with Christine, tell her before it is sent.

Message edited 12/13/2015 2:51:46 PM.

Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

If you return to Amazon they have to notify the buyer. I tried to return a tablet my in laws bought us last year because we did not need it, we have 4, but I didn't want them to know, we ended up keeping it because Amazon said they would have to notify the buyer.

Re: Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

I would have Dh tell her it's not your style..

Re: Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

Have DH say something. $300 is a lot for a bag you aren't going to use.

Re: Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

Have dh tell her "oh mom I really dont think that bag is something she would use/or her style. Are you able to return it?

Re: Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

To return a gift:

Go to the Online Returns Center.
Select Return a gift and sign-in with your Amazon account.

Enter the gift's order number and select Search.
Your 17-digit order number (or "Order ID") is found on the left side of your packing slip. If you don't have the packing slip, you can contact us. We'll ask for information to help us locate the order, such as the sender's name, their e-mail address, their phone number, and information about the item you wish to return.

Select the items you want to return from the order.
Enter the quantity of items you want to return (if applicable), and a return reason from the drop-down menu. For items sold by a third-party seller, you'll see "Submit return request." Some Amazon sellers review return requests before authorizing them.

Select how you want to send your item back.
Select your return shipping options and how you'll obtain your return label. Each return label is assigned to a specific return.

Note: If you choose to return via Amazon Locker, you'll be prompted to select a Locker location at this time. For more information about returning an item to an Amazon Locker, go to Return a Package at an Amazon Locker.

Put the return authorization inside your package and attach the label to the outside of it.
If your gift return is authorized, Amazon or the Seller will process your refund as an Amazon.com Gift Card after your return is received. The Gift Card will be added to the account you used to generate your return from the Online Returns Center. Once the refund is processed, we'll send you a confirmation e-mail. If you're the gift giver, your refund will be processed to the original payment method. All refunds are subject to our refund policies outlined in About Refunds.
Note: A-to-z claims for gifts purchased from a third-party seller must be filed by the original purchaser, not the gift returner. If you need to file a claim for a gift return, please contact the original purchaser or Amazon Customer Service.

Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

I would have DH say something along the lines of him not thinking its your style. It would be a waste of $300.

Re: Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

Re: UPDATE!!! Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

Update in original post.

Re: UPDATE!!! Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

Re: UPDATE!!! Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

That's weird. So basically, the gift is really to make your FIL feel good about himself.

I would try to return it to the store, or sell it yourself. Why keep something you really don't like and won't use?

Re: UPDATE!!! Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

I would just say thanks and see if you can exchange it, but be prepared that it is from a different season, or a knock off eBay seller. Where fil thought he got a good deal. But I agree, why tell your husband you are buying something expensive if you you're not that kind of girl.

Re: UPDATE!!! Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

Ok, so weird. I totally understand not wanting to hurt someones feelings over a gift they bought. But honestly Id feel worse about throwing away 300 dollars. Jmo of course.

Re: UPDATE!!! Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

UPDATE!!! Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?

I wouldnt have DH say something... Btw, my MIL does stuff like this all the time. I would take the gift and sell it on ebay. At least this way, you get something out of it.

Re: UPDATE!!! Tricky gift problem- would you have DH say something?