UPDATED - Need advice re: bullies

Thanks everyone for your responses and FMs.

I did go to the school and made an appt. to speak with the principal. However, she ended up calling me last night and we spoke for a long time.

I guess with privacy things, they can only tell me "so much" in regards to the bully. I did find out that my son is not the only target of this boy, there are at least 3 other children being bullied by him. The principal assured me that the parents have been called in, as well as the school psychologist, social worker, and a "committee" of other district people.

My DS will never be in class with this boy again, and the boy no longer will have lunch or recess with the rest of the class. His teacher also called me and she told me that she keeps a notebook of "incidents" with dates and times and children involved. I also plan to start documenting everything. I also told DS to become a "tattle tale" when it comes to this kid... to tell anyone the minute he feels bullied by this boy.

Thanks again for all your support!

Message edited 5/18/2010 11:45:25 AM.

Re: Need advice re: bullies

I am so sorry you are going through this!

I will almost guarantee that the child is being reprimanded and possibly has had more than 1 ISS or OSS. From what I have seen, the schools don't generally let the parents know the exact actions that they've taken - just that they are actively working on correcting the issue.

However - at this point - I would venture to say that whatever actions they've taken aren't enough. I'd probably call the parent of the other boy and let her know what's been going on and see if there is another side to the story and if there is a way to reconcile the situation together. I wouldn't do it in an accusatory or nasty fashion - just let her know that you'd really like to have her assistance in figuring out what the difficulty is between the boys so that it can be addressed and corrected. If the parents are difficult or unwilling to work with you - then I would call the school and tell them that if they cannot guarantee your child's safety (emotional and physical) - then you will be forced to escalate the matter to the superintendent.

Good luck!

Re: Need advice re: bullies

Thanks for answering!

The thing with this kid is, its not an "issue" with him and my son, he is just a bully. Word from other parents is he was this way in K last year too. This year, his favorite target is my DS.

I have met the mom at various school things, and she lets the bully walk all over her from what I can see. Once at a party, he told her "Leave, I dont want you here" and she behaved like a battered spouse and cried. So I am fairly sure that talking to her will get me no where fast.



I just dont know what to do at this point.

Re: Need advice re: bullies

A friend of mine had a similar issue with her DS ( also in 1st grade)...The school called a meeting with both sets of parents and I don't know what happened at the bullies house after the meeting , but whatever it was- the bullying stopped immediately ...

This is not something any parent or child who is there to get an education should have to worry about...Good Luck

Re: Need advice re: bullies

Have you called the Board of Ed yet ? That may be another step in the right direction ...

Re: Need advice re: bullies

[I have met the mom at various school things, and she lets the bully walk all over her from what I can see. Once at a party, he told her "Leave, I dont want you here" and she behaved like a battered spouse and cried. So I am fairly sure that talking to her will get me no where fast.




This sounds to me that the problem is far bigger that this child being a bully. I'm thinking that one of the reasons you are not getting results from the school, is because they are aware of a much bigger problem that they are not able to discuss with you.

This is not fair to your child in anyway though. I would ask the school to ensure that your DS will not be in the same class as this other boy next school year.

Not sure if you've left yet to go up to the school, but I think you are better off making an appointment to speak to the principal & the teacher.

It may come down to you needing to involve the police - but I'm not sure how they would handle a 6 year old. Better they handle it. While in their custody, the school has a responsibility for your child's safety. They must shadow that kid on the playground. I say the kid versus your child because the bully will move on to the next target & the problem continues. Have you spoken to the school counselor too?

I don't think calling the parents would help the situation. Unfortunately, from what I've read bullies comes from an awful feeling of self esteem & a feeling of helplessness. It's possible the child could be bullied at home by his parent. In the end, it doesn't matter why though - the important thing is that it is stopped IMMEDIATELY.


Let us know what the school says.

Message edited 9/1/2011 3:12:38 PM.

Re: Need advice re: bullies

Re: Need advice re: bullies

So sorry!!!!!!!
There has to be someone who can help...school psych/Social worker. I would get devil-ish on the school, tell them that if they dont want the bully going to the psych/SW then you want your son to go for the harassment. Somehow they will find a way to take care of the problem. They are not going to want your son sitting in a psych/SWers office for harassment and this other child walk. that would look horrible on their records for not taking care of this.

Re: Need advice re: bullies

Posted by nrthshgrl

Not sure if you've left yet to go up to the school, but I think you are better off making an appointment to speak to the principal & the teacher.

It may come down to you needing to involve the police - but I'm not sure how they would handle a 6 year old. Better they handle it. While in their custody, the school has a responsibility for your child's safety. They must shadow that kid on the playground. I say the kid versus your child because the bully will move on to the next target & the problem continues. Have you spoken to the school counselor too?

I don't think calling the parents would help the situation. Unfortunately, from what I've read bullies comes from an awful feeling of self esteem & a feeling of helplessness. It's possible the child could be bullied at home by his parent. In the end, it doesn't matter why though - the important thing is that it is stopped IMMEDIATELY.

I know how hard it is not to take the 6 year old to the side & threaten to kick the cr@p out of him. I felt the same way & that was after someone teased my daughter on the playground. Yet another reason I should not be allowed to be a parent.

Let us know what the school says.

Re: Need advice re: bullies

Posted by twinkletoes807

Posted by MrsGmomof3

Part of me wants to call the police and file charges against this kid for assaulting my son.

I am so sorry that you and your son are dealing with this bully. I think going to the Superintendent (in person) and/or calling the Board of Ed will get the wheels moving. Just for your info, if you live in NY, a child is not held criminally accountable for his actions (ie. punch) until he is 16 years old. The age is a bit lower (13-15) for seriously heinous crimes. Good luck!

Re: Need advice re: bullies

honestly, I would speak to the teacher, and have her speak to the lunch person to make sure this doesn't happen on the playground. If nothing is done, I would go DIRECTLY to the principal to discuss this issues.....I would even go higher if I wasn't happy with how it was being hndled. Bullying is taken VERY seriously in my school...we even have a program dealing with bullying currently running in our building.

Re: Need advice re: bullies

I would either go to the police, or go to the superintendent directly.

Sadly, I learned last year that the school's no tolerance policy on bullying was b.s. My DD (then in kindergarten) got beaten up on the bus by a second grade boy and they did nothing to him.

I feel so bad for your poor DS.

Re: Need advice re: bullies

My DD was being bullied at school in Kindergarten, by a boy. Without me asking, the parents of the boy were called into school for a meeting when the teacher realized what was going on. The boy was disciplined at school(he lost recess for a while) I was also offered the option of a meeting involving the other parents, DH and I, the principal and the teacher. I knew the parents and knew this was pointless. However, in the end, it did stop. Only because the teachers, and lunch aids were all over it. I did eventually confront the father of the child at a birthday party after watching him do nothing while his son tripped my DD twice while she was taking her turn to bowl. This kid is a known bully at school.