***Update***Severe seperation anxiety and Pre-school?

Update 4/23
So our meeting went well, they offered us an intergrated pre school prgram. This is GREAT, Noah NEEDS this yet I'm freaking out.

No-one seems to get how severe his anxiety is and I don't know how I nor he will deal with it.

i'm so scared, for him, for me having to watch him try to do this and for just being 100% overwhelmed.

His anxiety is physically and mentally exhausting me .

We have been going on playdates recently to get him around more children and its horrible. I feel isolated b/c I cannot even look away from him for a second, he melts down, he needs my constant attention. neither of us ends up enjoying it.

HOW will I get him on a bus? He has crying fits that result in choking and throwing up and I just fear they will make us take him out of the program and will I have taught him anything...will he just be worse off?

I cant find anything positive to think of, since we have seen NO progress recently.

And what the heck do I do with my twins if I have to drive him and stay there?

I am just really at my wit's end. I was so happy today we were offered all the services through the school district he needs, but reality is setting in.

Has anyone experienced it this bad? At this point, many are suggesting this is an anxiety disorder and not a phase, but he is too young to say for sure.

I heard all the stories of kids who had a hard time etc and then finally were ok in a week etc, That doesnt make me feel better when I think that Noah has been in his one school class for a YEAR now and all of a sudden cries throughout it.

If I don't push him to do this though, I fear he won't improve.

UGH....I hate this





Anyone experience this?

I won't know till Friday at our CPSE meeting if noah will be offered a pre-school, but I'm entering his in the lottory to get free preschool at a local integrated school anyway to cover bases.

IMO, he NEEDS this. He needs the socialization/structure if he will ever get out of this severe scared phase.

BUT....I dont know how the heck I will deal , or him for that matter.

He won't go with strangers, someone changing his diaper etc. Its gonna be a long road and I am just wondering if anyone's dc went through this and stories how they managed?

For the record, this is SEVERE seperation anxiety. And a pre school program is 2 and 1/2 hours.

I'm prepared to get a babysitter for the twins in the am's to help him with the transition.

TIA!

Message edited 4/23/2010 9:09:31 PM.

Re: Severe seperation anxiety and Pre-school?

One of the things I liked about DD's preschool is that they have the parents shadow their DC until they are comfortable enough to be there alone. So some parents go for a few weeks and others only one or two classes depending on the individual child. They slowly move you out of the classroom then to behind a mirror where you can watch them and the children don't realize you are there BUT you can come to them if they need you. I liked that b.c it gave the children time to adjust to preschool on their own terms but gave them independence/confidence at the same time.

Is there anyway you might be able to do something like that for Noah? Where you come the 1st class or two and follow him closely then slowly move out of the room (basically sit in a chair in the corner and kind of ignore - read a book - him but he knows you are there if he needs you) - then slowly move out of the room as he gains his confidence? There were some children who wouldn't leave their mother's sides for a second and this worked for them. They now love preschool and don't want to leave.

Re: Severe seperation anxiety and Pre-school?

When Jack started preschool it was the first real time he was ever away from me. I went in there thinking he would walk away from me and not look back.

It took him a month to get adjusted, and I'm not going to lie - it was pure hell. The owners of the school didn't think he was ready and told me to bring him back next year. There were times he was so hysterical that I would have to pick him up.

The only thing I can say is that I stuck to my guns and we stuck it out. After exactly one month he started to love it. He is still the very first one at the door when we pick them up so I can't be late ever. I was once and he lost it.

I think that you need to be confident in your decision to send him, and stick with it. Eventually they all learn to adjust. Some adjust right away, and for others it takes some time.

Re: Severe seperation anxiety and Pre-school?

Posted by Diana1215

When Jack started preschool it was the first real time he was ever away from me. I went in there thinking he would walk away from me and not look back.

It took him a month to get adjusted, and I'm not going to lie - it was pure hell. The owners of the school didn't think he was ready and told me to bring him back next year. There were times he was so hysterical that I would have to pick him up.

The only thing I can say is that I stuck to my guns and we stuck it out. After exactly one month he started to love it. He is still the very first one at the door when we pick them up so I can't be late ever. I was once and he lost it.

I think that you need to be confident in your decision to send him, and stick with it. Eventually they all learn to adjust. Some adjust right away, and for others it takes some time.

Re: Severe seperation anxiety and Pre-school?

Donna, I wanted to add that I used to go over the routine with him in the beginning.

I would say "Ok, you are going to go to school and see your friends. You are going to play outside, then you will do a craft, sing some songs, you are going to eat a snack and then Mommy is going to be there to pick you up after you sing your ABCs."

I have no idea if it helped but I always reminded him that I will be there to pick him up after snack!

Re: ***Update***Severe seperation anxiety and Pre-school?

Bump for my long update

Re: ***Update***Severe seperation anxiety and Pre-school?

I feel your pain 100%. Ava was exactly the same way. She got services for an eating issue, and also had/has a lot of anxiety.

She went to an Integrated Pre-school. Was it hard at first? Yes. But it was for her own good. She did great there. Is now finishing up Kindergarten and is doing great in school.

One thing that really helps and anxious child is routine, routine, routine. Keep things pretty much to schedule- every day. Eat, sleep,etc all at the same times everyday.

A chart is a huge help- even though he can't read, use pictures. I swear to you, that just by reviewing what will be taking place that day makes the child feel better.

Take him to the pre- school that you pick for orientation. Get books about going to school and really talk it up.

Do not, I repeat DO NOT, bring him yourself to the first day of school. If he is going to be taking the bus, then he takes it from day 1. I know it sound harsh, but if you vary from the norm with an anxious child, then they will always expect that.

Beg for the bus, it will save you. Brody was born 2 days into the school year and I had a c-section, it was impossible for me to drive her.

I know it is nerve wracking, but he will do great on the bus. There are car seats, a driver and an aid. He will be 100% safe- I promise. Also, at school orientation they will do a bus ride.

Will he freak out, maybe...maybe not. I thought Ava would have to be dragged on the bus like a cat going to the Vet, but she surprised all of us and went on willingly...then I went into the house and cried.

Also, don't shy away from social activities. I know it can be hard, embarrasing and at many times completely devoid of fun... butkeep plugging away, it is the best thing for both of you.

I know that this is very hard. I still struggle with it daily. If you ever want to talk, feel free to fm me.

Re: ***Update***Severe seperation anxiety and Pre-school?

Donna I'm so sorry you are going through this

Is this through CPSC? Did they offer him a social worker? Hannah had sudden onset severe anxiety and they had a social worker go with her and stay with her in the beginning. As another poster said, it is helpful to go over what's going to happen before hand. It's not going to be the answer, but it does help. and routine is key we rarely break the daily routine!!!

Message edited 4/23/2010 9:34:32 PM.

Re: ***Update***Severe seperation anxiety and Pre-school?

Don't have much advice, but hang in there!!

Don't stop going out and on playdates....you still need to get out for you! We are always free if you want to meet up and don't have to worry about me judging you or him!

And hopefully he will be challenged enough at school to kind of "forget" it, like at the park the other day --- once he got going on the playground he was OK

Re: ***Update***Severe seperation anxiety and Pre-school?

yes, definitely don't st going on playdates! (and remember evey child has their own issues...., never feel bad about it!! - we'd miss you and seeing (but not necessarily speaking to ) those cuties! so glad to hear it went well, you will work it out!!!

Re: ***Update***Severe seperation anxiety and Pre-school?

Posted by Charly

Donna I'm so sorry you are going through this

Is this through CPSC? Did they offer him a social worker? Hannah had sudden onset severe anxiety and they had a social worker go with her and stay with her in the beginning. As another poster said, it is helpful to go over what's going to happen before hand. It's not going to be the answer, but it does help. and routine is key we rarely break the daily routine!!!