very bad day today

girls...today is a very rough day. I'll spare all the details b/c I'd be typing forever.

In a nutshell, I was invited today over in a few weekends to see a new baby and it affected me in a way that I was not expecting.

I'm really very unhappy I fear that I might be really depressed. Nobody seems to understand this. My DH is a nice guy, but really not a very good source of understanding in this situation. He really just doesn't get it...not at all. I just thank goodness for this board as a release b/c it is not something I can even discuss with the closest of friends.

Message edited 5/6/2009 12:47:55 PM.

Re: very bad day today

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I'm sure all of us girls on this board can relate. I really hope you feel better soon

Re: very bad day today

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. I really know exactly how you feel.

Many hugs and I am here if you need to talk.

Re: very bad day today

i am so very sorry you are going through this..

i think all of us on this board can relate, and in my situation i felt the same way as you did. its all normal.
unfortunately nobody understands or never will , unless they have been through it. even my DH doesnt understand the emotional part of it. he will always be there for me, but us girls go through the physical and emotional pain.

i hardly ever talk about this to my friends IRL. they dont get it.. i even lost one of them due to all this. i am happy that i have the girls on here to talk to, and now i am friends with a bunch of them, my husband thinks its great for me!

if you ever want to just chat, or talk about anything, i am always here to help! dont hesitate!

Re: very bad day today

I can totally relate. How you feel is perfectly normal. And that your DH cannot relate is normal too. My DH, which the psych degree, explained to me (when I thought my 3 m/c's didn't upset him), that just b/c they don't get upset like we do doesn't mean they are not upset. But they don't process it the way we do, they don't remember the dates of everything like we do. The loss happens in our bodies, our bodies go through the changes and physically feel everything. It's just different.

After my 2nd m/c I went to a therapist for awhile and it helped me tremendously. Don't be afraid to seek professional help if you think you need it, there is no shame is seeking help.

I too have lost a few friendships b/c of everything I have been through. Some women just don't understand the strain, mentally and physically and emotionally that you experience, especially when they have perfect pregnancies and no issues.



Always here if you need us.

Re: very bad day today

I read something recently that described miscarriage as a loss that you grieve going forward.

It really struck a chord with me. I thought I was doing well, but at times it just seems to get worse.

I'll see if I can find the article.



ETA: here's the link. scroll down about one screen.

Message edited 5/6/2009 1:10:12 PM.

Re: very bad day today

It will get better. Times like this are to be expected. They hurt so bad. I know it...we all do....but you will get through this. I remember thinking I will never get over this or past this. Its so hard when it hits that hard.

Get it out, be sad, its OK....Then dust yourself off and find that inner strength...for now anyway, you dont have to better right away or forever....just take it day by day


IF you need to talk anytime , Im sure we are all willing to listen to whatever you need to say to get it out .

Re: very bad day today

I agree with all of the posters - it is just so hard and we all know how you feel

What was surprising to me is that you never know what is going to be upsetting and what is not.

For example, I had 2 Christenings about a month after my D&C and I honestly was fine at both of them. I felt a little bit of sadness, but did not even shed a tear.

However, when a close friend of mine told me that she was PG and due 2 weeks after what would have been my due date, I had a complete meltdown. It was not a surprise to me as I knew she had been trying for a while and I was so happy for her, but I think it was hearing that she was due around the time I would have been due just ripped open the wound of the m/c.

And while I think the pain of a m/c will never go away, it definitely gets better

Re: very bad day today

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time, and I can DEFINITELY relate to no one understanding. Not even DH. People do'nt understand unless they have been through it, and even THEN sometimes they don't. Miscarriage effects people differently.

I can tell you it took me probably a full year before I started feeling good again. I was close to seeing a therapist but then decided to just forge ahead on my own. But if you feel that's what you need then you should definitely do it.

Re: very bad day today

I'm so sorry!! I can definitely relate, it hits me hard at different times, sometimes I'm totally ok around other babies, and sometimes I want to break down b/c I feel like I was robbed of motherhood and it makes me so angry/depressed. DH kind of understands but honestly I avoid crying in front of him at all costs b/c he tries to just push me towards being strong, and sometimes you need the occassional breakdown and emotional release.....this week is definitely hard for all of us who've miscarried- I'm glad we all have each other to vent to and get a shoulder to lean on!