Very Confused--Warning, Long Post

DS has been having a rough time lately--lots of tantrums. Just to give background, he is almost 4, has PDD-NOS, and is attending a full time integrated PreK class. After his integrated PreK, he gets on a bus and goes to his old daycare for a few more hours. I pick him up at 6, which is the earliest I can leave work most days. DH works in the city and doesn't get home until about 8 pm. I work till 9 once a week, some weeks twice, and lately I've had to work a lot of Saturdays and Sundays too.

DS says he doesn't want to go to the integrated PreK every day lately--he says he wants to go to his old daycare. At first I thought he had a bad day at the new school, or they worked him a little too hard and he didn't want to go back. Today we had an hour long tantrum before school. I called his teacher after he got on the bus and asked how he's doing in school, told her about the morning and that he does not want to go to school most days. She said he seems fine in school, no noticeable difference in behavior, but he does seem tired. I would agree with this--we've tried moving up his bedtime, but generally he doesn't get to sleep before 9. Last night was 9:30, I had to work until 9, and he wouldn't go to bed until he saw me. This is what happens by the time we get home, make dinner, eat, etc.

DH and I are both frazzled. I feel like we work too many hours combined (I'm home early, but often do work after DS goes to bed). I am not sure if it's just that the two schools are too much for DS and he's reacting to his parent's stress, or if the integrated PreK is not a good fit for him. The only options that present themselves to me are to quit my job (going part-time is not an option) or to look for a babysitter in the evenings. I guess we could take DS out of his integrated PreK and just have him in one school, but working and coordinating therapy was such a nightmare this summer, I really can't see doing that long term.

I should add, my job has become VERY pressured in the last few months. We have a new Director, and many people here are working a lot of extra hours (hence the extra weekends for me). Before this switch, it was manageable, I had periods where I was very busy, but mostly manageable. I also think I might do a better job managing this change if it wasn't so quick on the heels of DSs diagnosis, we're still adjusting to that.

Thanks for letting me vent--all the problems my family is having are very jumbled in my mind, and I'm not sure what is really the best way to approach solving them--sometimes it helps me to get feedback and record my thoughts.

Re: Very Confused--Warning, Long Post

My DS also has PDD-NOS (he's 5 in Jan).

Five days a week he attends an integrated pre-K. M,W,F he's there from 9-1:30 and T,TH he's there from 9-11:30, gets on a bus, comes back home, has a quick lunch and attends a typical Pre-K (with a SEIT) from 1-3:30.

He asks "What school do I have today"? and I tell him the name of his AM school and sometimes I get "Ooooh, but, I wanna go to PM school".
He LOVES both, but, I also think he loves PM school more because it's pre-k and thats it. It's not OT, PT, Speech and ABA services.

It's definitley a lot on them. I was actually thinking that I may do the typical pre-k 3 days with a SEIT and let him go to ABA 2 days at the other school. I have to see if both schools are OK with it (I think they are, just have to make sure there is a SEIT avail. for him on the 3rd day).

I'm not sure I'd pull your DS out of the integrated school (is that where he gets his services)? If you do, maybe you can see if he can get services outside of school?

Just want to offer many and say I hope it gets better!

Re: Very Confused--Warning, Long Post

These little ones have such long days, I think it does all catch up with them after a while. Friday nights in my house - we are ALL shot.

As much as he may like the old daycare, I don't think I would pull him from the integrated class. He may not like it as much because they push him to do things. The preschool has trained staff who can push him and deal with the fallout of behaviors. I know in our case, I love our daycare and can't say enough nice things about them. However, the teachers and assistants there are not trained to deal with DS in the same way and often he is left to his own devices, as long as he isn't hitting or disruptive to the other kids. Most of the time I am fine with that, because it's afterschool or on school holidays that he is in daycare, but on an everyday basis, I know my DS needs the structure of the preschool, even if it tires him out.

Also, if you pull him out now, it may be hard to find good therapists who have availability at this point in the school year. Many of them who don't work FT in a school make their schedules in August/September and may not have room for new cases now.

What I am thinking about for next year is hiring a babysitter at home to stay with him afterschool until I get home. I know it will be more expensive than an afterschool program at school, but I think it will be much better for DS. I think after a long day at school, he might be better off just being home for those few hours. Is that a possibility for you now? Perhaps that person could even pick him up from school, so he doesn't have that long bus ride home.

Re: Very Confused--Warning, Long Post

Thank you both for writing--it really helps to see what other people are doing, and writing also helps me get a better picture of what is happening in my own life.

Yes, he probably dislikes the integrated PreK more because they make him work--that's where he has his therapy too, so it's not an easy day for him. And lately, he goes to the daycare late in the day--the kids have more or less finished the instructional component of the day and they play outside, read books, do puzzles, build things, it's more fun so no wonder he likes it better! But yes, it wouldn't be smart to take him out of the preK so quickly. I like his teachers and therapists (but for one, but I can't say she seems mean, I just don't think she's doing the right work with him). He adores his head teacher, and he has learned so much since he's been going there. He can now put on his coat, pulls his pants up and down by himself, he can write some letters, etc. Not sure he'd be doing these things in the old school.

The last month has been rough--it's just one of those times when you want to quit everything, stay home, and put your head under the covers, and good chance DS is reacting to his parent's stress too.

As far as my work, it's so much better that I have a job. The going is getting rough, but I don't know if it would be so different elsewhere these days.

Thanks for writing though--these are long days for our kids, and it helps to know what others are doing, how their children are coping.