VERY SCARED

Hi Ladies...congrats to all that got their BFP after miscarriage...and hopeful wishes to those TTC after miscarriage....
and hugs and kisses to those who have just lost...I was there last year exactly around this time when I found out I had issues with my PG...leading to a 5 month loss around xmas time.

Im PG again and I am SOOOOO worried. I know this is normal but I am so scared something will go wrong. I dread going to the doctor, thinking they will tell me something that will just end my last bit of happiness I have right now. These holidays bring back bad memories to me...I had a D&E days before christmas last year....I was just a mess.

Hopefully some of you ladies can shed some light on my situation and make me feel better..you always do.

Re: VERY SCARED

I think its normal to be scared... i dont have any advice im currently going through an m/c and i can definitely see myself having the same reaction as you when i do get pg again...

Re: VERY SCARED

being somewhat in similar shoes... pregnant now after a mc. Though your mc was futher along then mine which was at 11 weeks....

I know how you feel. It is hard to stay positive. But you have to find ways to do so. I think it's very important to stay positive and envision a healthy pregnancy and baby at the end.

One of the things I do, is I think about all the differences between the 2 pregnancies. This time around it feels SO different from the last. My symptoms are different, circumstances are different this time. Last time I got pregnant in Bora Bora... we were doing all sorts of crazy stuff like swimming with dolphins, jet skii's etc... things we wouldn't normally do if we were home. Flying for 2 days straights, etc.

I think pointing out the differences helps you think that it can and will turn out different this time around.

Also, I pray all the time. Like seriously all the time. If you don't believe in praying, which is fine, I think meditation is good too. Just sit and relax, close your eyes and bring yourself to a happy place where you can think of only happy thoughts. Think about your growing baby. And really focus on the positive and good. Ask the universe (I think all energy sources are connected somehow... sorry I have a bit of a hippy thinking... but it's also very calming) or whomever to please help keep you and baby safe.

It also helps to have a good sound medical team around you. I go to an RE. Do you as well? going to an RE for me keeps me feeling safer, because I know he is testing for more things than a regular OBGYN would. I know he is LOOKING for signs of things that could be wrong so that he can fix them... where as my old OBGYN would OVERLOOK everything or dismiss everything just saying that "i'm fine and healthy because I'm in my late 20's and I look healthy" I think having a good dr like an RE really does give you the peace of mine that you need such a scary and sensitive situation.

The real problem is that we all have a Pregnancy after Loss Mindset. We have seen the ugly and scary part of pregnancy. Just remember, that good things can still come. Just because we had a traumatic ending last time, doesn't mean this time will be the same.

If you find yourself getting upset and anxious, find ways to calm down... read something, talk to someone, eat ice cream... haha whatever works for you. Just remember that good things can happen to us too and we deserve it.

We can all be here for each other.

Re: VERY SCARED

i totally feel the same way. i am so excited to be pregnant, but i just have so much trouble even accepting that its real. i wont even go to the PG board yet im too scared ill have to leave in a week if my first u/s is bad. i feel like until i see a heartbeat and i know there really is a growing baby in there, that i have to be cautious about how excited i get. my m/cs were extremely early though and so far this pregnancy is a lot stronger (numbers-wise) than any of the previous ones. im def optimistic, as is my RE, but im still so nervous and i have a feeling that ill be nervous for the entire first tri and prob longer. im sure its normal although its sad that we lose the innocence of first pregnancy.

Re: VERY SCARED

Posted by FlowerWife

i totally feel the same way. i am so excited to be pregnant, but i just have so much trouble even accepting that its real. i wont even go to the PG board yet im too scared ill have to leave in a week if my first u/s is bad. i feel like until i see a heartbeat and i know there really is a growing baby in there, that i have to be cautious about how excited i get. my m/cs were extremely early though and so far this pregnancy is a lot stronger (numbers-wise) than any of the previous ones. im def optimistic, as is my RE, but im still so nervous and i have a feeling that ill be nervous for the entire first tri and prob longer. im sure its normal although its sad that we lose the innocence of first pregnancy.

Re: VERY SCARED

Ladies! You made me cry.! Thank you so much for taking the time out to write. I am trying to think positive. I'm trying to enjoy it....and I'm planning and thinking that at the end..I will have a baby. Its just such a weird feeling. I do pray..although not as much as I used to before it happened.

Some girls feel like pregnancy goes so fast but I feel like mine is going to go SO SLOW. I just want it to be June already where I have my baby in my arms!

Re: VERY SCARED

First, lots of hugs to you...you've been in my thoughts.

I will be completely honest with you and tell you that this whole experience is very scary for me. It isn't easy to stay calm. I remember the first time that I saw my high risk dr. this pregnancy he said that he knew I wouldn't feel relieved for 9 months...And, he was right. But, I just try to take things in little steps...Going to the dr. I am ALWAYS anxious...I always have a fear that something is going to happen. But, everything has been going great, so I have no reasons to think otherwise.

The best advice I can give is to try to keep yourself busy. I'm not very good at this myself, but I'm trying! I recently taught myself how to crochet, so I'm making a blanket for the baby now. I try to think of the future, and what great things we'll be doing. I've been having a bit of a hard time lately because we are coming up on the year anniversary of Sarah's passing. And the holidays are definitely not easy, like you said for yourself.

I wish I had some magic words of advice to tell you - but you just need to keep being positive, and KNOW that everything will turn out okay. You will have your baby to bring home.

But when fear strikes you, come on here! Email, FM, whatever you need to do...and people will be there for you. If I could speed up time for you I would!!!

Re: VERY SCARED

Posted by snowflake09

First, lots of hugs to you...you've been in my thoughts.

I will be completely honest with you and tell you that this whole experience is very scary for me. It isn't easy to stay calm. I remember the first time that I saw my high risk dr. this pregnancy he said that he knew I wouldn't feel relieved for 9 months...And, he was right. But, I just try to take things in little steps...Going to the dr. I am ALWAYS anxious...I always have a fear that something is going to happen. But, everything has been going great, so I have no reasons to think otherwise.

The best advice I can give is to try to keep yourself busy. I'm not very good at this myself, but I'm trying! I recently taught myself how to crochet, so I'm making a blanket for the baby now. I try to think of the future, and what great things we'll be doing. I've been having a bit of a hard time lately because we are coming up on the year anniversary of Sarah's passing. And the holidays are definitely not easy, like you said for yourself.

I wish I had some magic words of advice to tell you - but you just need to keep being positive, and KNOW that everything will turn out okay. You will have your baby to bring home.

But when fear strikes you, come on here! Email, FM, whatever you need to do...and people will be there for you. If I could speed up time for you I would!!!

Re: VERY SCARED

Posted by Exarina

You are also in my thoughts. I knew you would post on this
For me honestly after that NT scan I will feel ALOT better....and just hope things go smoothly....I know you are feeling worse off than I am. Its not easy...i think the best thing to do is just picture the baby coming home with us! Someone told me that if we think that we are worried now..wait until after the baby...and boy is that the truth!

Im glad your crochet. I taught myself about 2 years ago...I was thinking of taking a class to brush up on it. Its a great stress releiver..Your right about keeping busy. I had been working on some needlepoint for a while and i picked it up agian to finish it. Good advice =).

Getting through these holidays are going to be easier than they were last year but I will never forget.

Re: VERY SCARED

Posted by snowflake09

Posted by Exarina

You are also in my thoughts. I knew you would post on this
For me honestly after that NT scan I will feel ALOT better....and just hope things go smoothly....I know you are feeling worse off than I am. Its not easy...i think the best thing to do is just picture the baby coming home with us! Someone told me that if we think that we are worried now..wait until after the baby...and boy is that the truth!

Im glad your crochet. I taught myself about 2 years ago...I was thinking of taking a class to brush up on it. Its a great stress releiver..Your right about keeping busy. I had been working on some needlepoint for a while and i picked it up agian to finish it. Good advice =).

Getting through these holidays are going to be easier than they were last year but I will never forget.

I wouldn't say that I feel worse - it's different for everyone. What's a bit hard for me is that there are so many things that I have already gone through for someone that has their 1st baby - we have all of the furniture, we have everything...This coming Monday will be 1 yr since I had my baby shower...So, I don't even have those things to look forward to or distract me...And right now, that's one of the things that is so tough...hence why I'm trying to be creative! I figured that I want to actually make things for THIS baby...this way it is different...

I definitely think you will feel better after the NT scan...for me, it was one hurdle to get over...then, you can focus on the next!

You'll have ups and downs...I do all the time. And the holidays will probably be easier - but they will never be the same...and that's a tough thing for me to get through. This year is really going to be tough...

But you're right - picture bringing that little baby home! That will help...Right now I'm getting kicked by this little one, so that makes me smile

Re: VERY SCARED

I had my loss at almost the same time, so I can more or less relate

I know I am going to be really nervous going into my next pregnancy. Ever since the loss I have surrounded myself with so many people who have had losses at so many different times, that it just opened my eyes to the reality that these things DO happen! That's something I never knew much about before I experienced it myself.

The way I see it... I have no choice. I want to have a family and I want to carry a baby and I'm not going to let the fear and the "what ifs" keep me from playing the game. I will just have to take each milestone as it comes. I know I will freak out before each appointment- but I also know I will never take an appointment for granted. All I can do is hope for the best as I move forward from this and remember that ANYTHING can happen- but hopefully I will be spared this time.


Sorry I don't have any better advice. I'm still working on my journey to getting pregnant again. Once I reach THAT hurdle and begin on the journey yet again, maybe I will have something more thoughtful to say.

You have come so far and you have an angel looking down on you this time. That's just what I keep telling myself!!

Re: VERY SCARED

I hope everything is the way it should be! I know I'll be terrified when/if I get PG... BABY VIBES

Stay positive!

Re: VERY SCARED

OMG I totally understand ALL OF THAT! I too had a D&C two days before Christmas last year. I also am very scared to deal with all of that again. The only thing i can say is we need to trust that life has things planned for us. This includes a very happy & healthy child. Good luck & keep your self healthy.

Re: VERY SCARED

I'm very nervous as well. I can't wait for us to see the heartbeat in Nov, and then go into the 2nd trimester. But as a pp poster said, I'm totally focusing on the differences the good differences from this pg to the one I had a mc....I'm just trying my hardest to think positively, and as another poster said, I love my OB and he has me coming in for my third beta just to be monitored as closely as possible bc of my mc in August!!! I hope it does get better, bc the anxiety is a lot!!!

Re: VERY SCARED

I know how scary it can be. After 2 losses this year, I am now 18 weeks pregnant and I am terrified everytime I go to the dr.

The only advice I can give or rather, some words of comfort, it does get a bit easier as each week passes. As you reach each milestone you begin to breathe a little easier. For me, seeing the heartbeat helped -- then in between appointments I would freak out again. 12 weeks was amazing, seeing/hearing the heartbeat, seeing the baby sucking his thumb and actually waving at us made me fall in love. Now at my latest appointment we found out it's a boy and that everything is going GREAT!!! He has a healthy strong heartbeat, all my bloodwork came back normal, NT came back normal -- I am now beginning to enjoy this pregnancy.

And I am also feeling him kick on a daily basis so that eases my mind. The fear will never go away but it has calmed down for me. I will not fully calm down until I am holding him in my arms.

Good Luck to all of you with your recent BFPs. Think positive, say some prayers to St. Gerard, he works wonders. And when you fear the worst, just remember that we are doing everything we can, it is in Gods hands now.

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Thanks ladies- I know it will get easier as the pg goes on Love all you guys

Re: VERY SCARED

I can only imagine how you are feeling. We are trying again now and I know that I will be a wreck once I get a BFP. I will so happy but really nervous, I dont think that there is anything that anyone can say to make you feel better and I think we are all in the same boat, but I think you should take it one day at a time and try to stay positive. I believe in mind over matter. Staying busy cant hurt either.

Re: VERY SCARED