W/ all the TTC talk

I'm starting to feel really guilty...

I know Im not ready- Geez my almost 2 yr old still sleeps in my bed, how in the world, can I have a newborn?

Our original plan was this summer, then we pushed it back to after RJ's 2nd b-day, then we pushed it to summer of 08' and now Ive got it in my head to go back to school for a MA in social work, and well- that will def. put TTC on the back burner for quite a bit.

Am I doing my child an injustice by not giving him a sibling until he is like 5 yrs old???

I mean- RJ was a surprise (the best surprise ever) and because he was a surprise a lot of things that should've been "finished", wasnt (ie: buying a home, finishing school etc...) So now Im trying to balance it all- and I just cant throw a baby in the mix...

I could of course have the babies first and go back to school later on, but I know I like to be home for the first year or so (like I did with RJ) and financially I cant do both (stay home and go to school )


I dont know- I guess Im just confused- Im a little concerned about the lack of desire I have to TTC as well- I know I want more babies- when is gonna hit me?????

Errgghhhh- Why cant storks bring babies, and money grow on trees?

Re: W/ all the TTC talk

Message edited 11/24/2007 10:15:10 PM.

Re: W/ all the TTC talk

Posted by monkeybride

Marissa you have to do what's right for you and your family. If you're not ready what joy will you get from having another one if you're stressed about it?
I *think* you're younger than a lot of us so you have more time. I'm 32 and DH is 38 and we want to leave the possibility open to have a 3rd if we decide we want to without feeling too old.
I don't think it's an injustice. Look how many only children there are that are just fine. Only you know what your family needs right now.

Re: W/ all the TTC talk

i would go back to school first... i went back for nursing when i had a 3 year old and got pregnant my last year in school.. it was really tough financially, emotionally and physically... personally, i really don't think the age difference matters much... Gavin and spencer are 4 years apart and love each other to pieces! and my sister and i are 4 years apart as well and very close!


Eta: social work is a tough business to be in... its emotionally draining and very hard not to get emotionally involved.. even more so than nursing IMO... i give you alot of credit for wanting to dedicate your life to it! you must have an enormous heart and a great deal of patience!

Message edited 8/13/2007 9:09:53 PM.

Re: W/ all the TTC talk

Don't feel bad at all. We just decided to ttc, and Ava just turned 3. Get everything done that you need to do for you..... then you can ttc.

I went through a ton of guilt and was torn for the last few years. Then a few months ago, something just clicked and we made the decision.

Enjoy your beautiful boy for now, the rest will come later!!

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My kids are 5 years apart and my sister and I were 5 years apart. I don't think there is anything wrong with waiting.

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Don't feel guilty. My children are 7 years apart and my son loves his sister to pieces and she adores him as well. As soon as he walks in the room she starts to giggle and get excited. He is a big help as well. You have to do what is right for you and your family. Plus I liked the fact that I had so many years of just me and Nikolas. I know how you feel since the baby bug has hit quite a few on this site. Try not to make you think about it more. When it's right for you and your family is when you should TTC. GL with your decision.

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I am waiting until my dd is 5 because I will have to go on bedrest again at 20 weeks maybe even earlier, darn cervix.. I want as much time w/ her, while she is in her "only want the mama stage" I think it will be fun starting all over again in 5 years.. lol..

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There is nothing wrong with waiting...I am closest with my brother and we have an 8 year difference! Do what needs to be done so you are totally ready for the new baby

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My brother and I are 11 1/2 years apart. First he was like my son. Then a brother. Now my best friend. My sister and I are 4 years apart and she is my best friend in the world. I love the age difference. Hence one of the reasons I am waiting.

Sometimes I gotta admit, when people talk about ttc again, I am like "damn I should be too," but when I think about it, its just not right for us right now and its also not what we truly want.

RJ and his brother or sister, whatever the age difference will be a wonderful big brother. He will love and get along with his sibling whether they are close in age or not. If you know now is not the right time for you, then it isnt. You want to be just as happy with your 2nd child as your 1st. Thats why I am waiting a bit too.

Now I just have to stop looking at all these gorgeous newborns pics so my biological clock stops skipping a beat!

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I'm glad I found this thread. My dd is 3 year and I feel like I should have the bug to ttc. I have been considering it but not really trying to hard. Most of my friends have their 2nd already. I have 2 older brothers and I am closest with the one 13 years older than me and he lives out of state. So I know you love your sibling no matter what but I was starting to wonder if there was something wrong b/c I wanted to wait a little more.
I'm glad to see the age differences are there any more out there?

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Nothing wrong with waiting at all. For most of us it's an age thing. I want to be done in my early 30's. You have plenty of time

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My son and daughter are 7 years apart and I think it's great! I also had my son young at 18 and was not ready for #2 uintill now @ 25. my son is so in love with her and sings, talks and plays with her all the time.. I catch him on the video moniter sneeking in her room to look at her and talk to her when she is asleep! It's so cute! It is also a very big help that he is older and can do more on his own like get himself dressed, sleeps later, and can get himself a snack or drink when hungry. It makes taking care of her SO much easier!

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Marissa, I have been thinking and saying this for a few weeks. I have these conflicted feelinsg as well. I am 30, but we think 2 will be it and that those two will be 4-5 years apart. That still scares me because that means next summer or fall we will have to be serious about TTC. I had what I call a scare last month and it made me realize how NOT ready we are for another.

Dh is contemplating a major career change and I have carried a lot of the weight bread winning-wise (which is fine) but the thought of having two kids right now

Bella is all I need. That may change tomorrow as she is speaking full sentences and I miss my little baby...but it is what it is right now. And right now is not the time. I would also like some friends and family to get PG so Bella could at least have some company at parties and BBQ's...

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Patrick is 4 years older then his sisters & it worked out great for us. There isn't any set amount time that is better IMO.

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There's nothing wrong with waiting, you need to do it when it's right for you and your family.

I didn't plan on having #2 until DD was at least 2-3 years old and it's been hard on me mentally adjusting as well as financially since they are 14 months apart. Lots of things now have been put off and re-examined.

Do what you need to get done now, RJ will love his new bro/sis and at least you won't have 2 in diapers at the same time

Re: W/ all the TTC talk

we are pretty much in the same boat. And we decided that waiting is fine we are young 28 and have that option. We will probably have 4-5 years between bryan and the next one. I always think maybe Im doing him a diservice by waiting but I know i have to do what is best for myself in this situation. Me and my brother are 7 years apart. Growing up i wanted a close sibling but it also had alot of advantages too. I got alot of alone time with my parents and I never was jealous of my brother simply because we were always at different stages and never had the same needs. Also im was mommys helper- iloved caring for my bro and I know I was a big help to my parents because I baby sat aLOT.