We just found out we're pregnant- now for the tough decisions

We just found out we're pregnant and are so excited- but now we have to start thinking practically about how to give our little bundle of joy everything we want to give him/her.

We live in Manhattan in a nice apartment with a VERY good deal- however, we know that we can't have a baby in this apartment. I make a good living and DH has just opened a very successful business, but we know things will change dramatically when we have the baby (financially), between housing costs (I need to be in the city since I work here and want to spend as much time with tihe baby, and not on a train), daycare, health insurance for the baby and everything else that comes with a baby.

We decided to leave the city while I'm pregnant to save on rent and expense and (gulp) live with my mom in Long Island during my pregnancy and move out right before the baby is born. We both get along with my mom and it is very generous of her to offer. But still, we're grown people who have been on our own for the last 10 years. It will be a big adjustment, especially to DH who is very respectful of my mom, but not exactly the neatest guy. And my mom tends to nag- and DH would never talk back to my mom. We know this is best for the long term, but I am so concerned about the short term. Our new lease goes into affect tomorrow but I know we can cancel it and stay here for a few more months, but I am so sad. It will definitely be a strain on our marriage for the few months, and I am concerned about commuting while pregnant, since I have been working 10 minutes away from home. All my friends are in the city and my whole life is here. DH and I have been fighting about this for weeks, but he finally agreed it makes the most sense. We both have a lot of debt and this time will give us a chance to get out of debt and save a little before the baby comes.

Thanks for letting me express my concerns. I'm not telling anyone I'm pregnant yet, so I can't talk to my friends about it.

Re: We just found out we're pregnant- now for the tough decisions

First I want to say Congratulations and Welcome!!!! And about the moving in with your mom, just keep telling yourself "its only temporary" - it will help out in the long run, you'll pay off some debt. Take it from me, this time will go very fast and the baby will be here before you know it. The hard part will be the commuting, thats the part that would concern me.
Good luck in everything!

Re: We just found out we're pregnant- now for the tough decisions

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
I think you are doing the right thing. I am in a similar situtation right now. My daughter is going to be 5 in Oct. and we just got married in June. We having been living on our own for the past 4 1/2 years, and now i decided its time for us to move back to my moms to save money for a house. I intend on buying within the year- so its temp. but like you, its going to cause some stress, and adjustment to living with my mom(and brothers)agian.
You dont want to start a new life with a new baby in debt (they cost to much money), it might not even be that bad. After the initail shock of moving back in, you will adjust. Who knows... it might even help to have your mom with you during this time.
Good luck...

Re: We just found out we're pregnant- now for the tough decisions

Welcome!

Being pregnant and expecting a new baby are big enough changes in the beginning, without having to move twice and into someoen elses home.

How badly do you need to save the money. I would think about staying where you are for now and cancelling the other lease. Why cant you stay in this apartment after the baby is born? When they are little they really dont need much space and all you need is a bassinet next to you (thats good for at least 3 months). Then when things start to calm down a little you can move.

If you really feel you have to move now, then remember its only temporary. Time will fly, so enjoy your pregnancy.

Re: We just found out we're pregnant- now for the tough decisions

Congrats on your PG!!! As far as making a decision liek that....you and your DH have to sit and go over the best possible scenarios and the worst case scenarios and try to figure out how to deal with each one. What if your mom gets fed up with his "not so neatness"---how will he deal with it, how will you deal with it?

I know I've been a mess emotionally and the littlest things tick me off.

If it's all about the money, then go for it. It's a great opportunity. Commuting may be hard on you...several commuting moms-to-be on here have left work earlier than expected because the commute was tough on them. I drive 10 minutes to work, but I'm on my feet alot and I SO need to just sit on my butt all night because my legs hurt.

Sounds like your family gets along great and that is something to be thankful for. Could you sublet your apt to make some extra $$?? Or what about living between the 2 spaces...in the city for work, on LI for Fri Sat Sun??

Re: We just found out we're pregnant- now for the tough decisions

Congrats!

But why can't you have a baby in an apt? One of my best friends who lives in the city, in a small one bedroom was able to do it for about two years (then they were expecting again).

Re: We just found out we're pregnant- now for the tough decisions

Thanks for all your suggestions- our apartment is a weird shape- so we just couldn't have a baby there. We could fit a basinette in the bedroom, but there wouldn't be a lot of room for a changing table, dresser, etc... we barely have enough room for our own stuff. We are actually looking for a large one bedroom to convert into a 2 bedroom after the baby is born.

My mom is very patient and will be able to deal with DH and I living there. She has a bf in Brooklyn and said she would spend some more time over there, to give us privacy.

It doesn't make sense for us to keep the apartment in the city for the weekend because we have to pay rent- and that's what we are trying to save. It is purely a financial decision and I hope to move out a month before the baby is born. I have to call my landlord and ask them to cancel the lease (it starts tomorrow- I told them this may happen and they said they would work with me). Its just so sad. But I know I will be out of debt in a few months (except for educational loans) and DH will be out soon. It's just so hard!

Re: We just found out we're pregnant- now for the tough decisions

Congratulations! Only you and DH know what decision is best for the 2 of you. DH and I moved back in with my parents when I was 9 months pregnant and stayed for 7 months because we were doing major remodeling work on our house and couldn't live there. The time FLYS by and honestly my mom was a great help to me during that time. Good Luck!

Re: We just found out we're pregnant- now for the tough decisions

Congratulations!

I'm in the same boat as you, I live on LI and am commuting to the city for work. How far out on LI do you live? My commute is about an hour on the LIRR...I pray to God that I wont have this baby on the LIRR or even worse, in the subway!

Re: We just found out we're pregnant- now for the tough decisions

congrats!!, after being out of my parents home for 6 years, DH and I moved back in with them. DH wanted to get a business degree, and I wanted to bank my checks for a house. We have now been there almost 4 years. We are leaving in a couple of months. It is the best thing we ever did. Totally out of debt. DH will get the business degree he wants, and we have a nice chunk to put down on a home. You guys will make it work!! Getting ready for baby, your year will fly by

Re: We just found out we're pregnant- now for the tough decisions

FYI my husband is involved in building a new condo building with 10 apartments in Ridgewood Queens. They are about 1200 sq. ft, private roof deck, 7 mins by train to the cuty. Will probably be completed by next spring. FM me if you want more infor I think you can be put on a list. They are selling between 450-500,000