Went to dr last night... (LONG)

and after that my DH and I had a BIG fight. He just doesn't get it! He has one view and I have one completely different. My OB/GYN has also agreed with the Radiologist and says I have Endometriosis. It's at least a stage 2 because it's on my ovary. She's referring me to an RE at Duke. She wants me to be in the best hands possible and give me the best chance of having more kids. There is still a chance I could lose an ovary though. Basically what it comes down to is that I'm definitely going to need surgery (LAP) but she doesn't want me to have surgery until we're ready to start TTC#2. I've been ready, but my DH just keeps on talking on how we're not financially ready for another with daycare costs. He keeps saying how he wants another one, but we just can't do it financially right now. To me a baby doesn't come right away and I might not even get PG right away, and things financially will hopefully be better. But he can go on the "what if's". He says we can't just hope something has to change. This is what our fight was mostly about last night. My doctor gave us another option so we can "hold off" on TTC until our finances get better. I am against both of them. She said I can go on Lupron for 6 months. She said she doesn't hardly give out a prescription for this, or I can go on Birth control and hopefully it would shrink the cysts. She doesn't think it would help much, but it could help "preserve" my fertility until he's ready. She concerned about controlling the disease and preserving my fertility. I want that too of course, but I have never subjected my body to birth control pills before in my life. I HATE them. Besides the side affects it screws up your system and the Lupron... NO WAY!!! He doesn't think that taking birth control is a big deal. To me it is! I know millions of women take them, but it's not for me. I'm not being given a choice. Why does something that has to do with my body end up being in my DH control??? That's not right. Why doesn't he understand? He says I don't have to take the hormones, but then I must not want more children! How could he say that? I know he must be upset too, but he said some mean things to me last night. I don't think I've cried that much since I was a teenager. I just don't need this right now. Why can't he work with me? Why, Why Why??? We still haven't talked since the fight. This whole situation is just breaking my heart. I am so depressed today you have no idea. I would like to talk to him and ask him if he could meet me halfway. If I could wait on having the surgery for a couple of months and hope that things won't progress too much, and then start TTC. He seemed ok with her plan of being on hormones for 6 months then having the surgery and TTC. She just suggested that if we're not going to TTC in the next 6 months then we should go on the hormones. I know it's not what he wants, but going on the meds isn't what I want. He should compromise and start TTC in 3 months. To me I don't know how 3 or 6 months makes a difference, but maybe to him it does. I'm just hurting so much inside. By not doing anything is just lowering my chances to have a baby, and by taking meds will just screw up my body and it's not guaranteed to help. I don't know how to get through to my DH. I need him to understand and listen to me. I know EXACTLY where he's coming from about the finances, but my heart says it'll be ok. We'll find a way.

I don't want to ask for prayers since there are women on here going through worse things than me, but if I could ask for some hugs I'd appreciate it. I don't even feel like I'd make it through the day.

Message edited 9/22/2005 10:14:32 AM.

Re: Went to dr last night... (LONG)

I don't know what to say, but you have to have a sit down conversation with him with all of your concerns. Maybe write them all down and before you start talking say to him these are all the points that we need to touch during this conversation. I hope that he understands.

Re: Went to dr last night... (LONG)

Oh Wow...Im so sorry. You sound very hurt and scared, and I will pray that your DH starts to see what your going through. I hope that you can find a way to talk to him and make him see.

Im so sorry you feel this way today!

Re: Went to dr last night... (LONG)

Im sos orry, and also not sure what to say. You have to sit with him. Something this serious a matter you BOTH have to be on the same page. You should discuss all the options you have and what finances you are abl eto afford now as well.
I wish you all the luck, and keep us posted

Re: Went to dr last night... (LONG)

Ahhh Dh's....they just don't get it. They are very logical in their thought process and also big into denial. I think, your dh, said all those things out of fear. Fear for you having surgery, fear for not having another baby ...just fear. They say ridiculous things sometimes. The BCP are probably the least threatening to your DH. Perhaps, let some time go by. Let it all sink in for him. I have found with my Dh, that letting him have his 'time' often helps us be more productive in making changes.

Message edited 9/22/2005 10:49:39 AM.

Re: Went to dr last night... (LONG)

Melissa, I'm so very sorry You don't need the added stress of being at odds with DH during this very upsetting time