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What a day
Well I guess I don't play well with others. I can do my job GREAT and i'm one of the best dispatchers we have, but according to my boss my co-workers are scared of me and I say mean things. I know I have issues and I have BEGGED for help, but nobody is helping me. It seems like things are fine and then 3months later I get called into a meeting. How do you tell someone they are your best but because they can't play well with others they are being moved to days to be supervised? I don't understand. I can do my job! They said so themselves, but because I follow the rules and don't "think out of the box" I need to be monitored by them.  This s*cks.....here's my qustion.......If somebody can do the job, and I mean giving the A game everyday, at what point do you say...ok this is who they are and people may not always like her but she's good. I feel so bad right now. It's like I have been in front of the firing squad. I feel like I have to change as a person....UGH....I hate this. How come I have to accept that Travis is just Travis or Annette is just Annette, but they can't accept i'm just me. I know what I need to work on..it's no secret, but if I ask for help from my managers, supervisors, co-workers, peers, and road people and nobody is helping what can I do! I feel like they need me to change, but are not willing to help me. Joe suggests I talk to my managers AGAIN about this with my new supervisor, but this wll be the 5th time I have said...Look I know I have an attitude issue, please when I make you mad, say something that offends you, or if you hear about something PLEASE tell me. I can't fix things if I don't know about them. At what point do you just say ok this is me and I cna't change without your help. You're not helping so maybe I should leave. I don't know what to do. This place has a hold on most EMS in my area so unless I stick it out I'll have to commute atleast an hour or more. Maybe Babies R Us is hiring
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Posted 2/18/08 7:12 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: What a day
 I'd be really careful what you say to people since it sounds like you are offending them in some way somehow...Maybe just lay low and be really quiet for a while.
To answer your question, we have an employee who gets the job done, but is very abrasive and people hate dealing with her. It wound up affecting her job because no one would help her, answer her questions, etc., because of her attitude, and she was let go. Maybe that was her personality, but I think working is 50% relating to other people and having that emotional intelligence to deal with others well, and 50% being able to do the job. If you know you offend people and you've been told others don't like you, I think you have to see what you are doing wrong and what you say that offends others. It's not really their place to have to teach you manners (or whatever it falls under).
Maybe they are just documenting this enough so they can get rid of you since it seems like they aren't offering you constructive help?
Message edited 2/18/2008 7:19:16 PM.
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| Posted 2/18/08 7:15 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: What a day
Have you looked into getting help for yourself rather than relying on others to do it for you? You say you've been begging for help, and that you know you have issues- why then have you not sought some sort of help for yourself?
Most compnaies provide some sort of mental health coverage (which is what this would likely fall under).
Yes, many times we have to just accept who people are and their little quirks. BUT~ if you are making someone's work environment hostile, that causes a decrease in moral for EVERYONE- so in effect, you are not the best you can be at your job.
How do you expect people to help you change? Change comes from within.
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| Posted 2/18/08 7:17 PM |
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Re: What a day
I agree with the above posters. Do you have an employee assistance number you can call for support?
I understand that people have bad days (everyone does), but it's not cool if you are having an attitude constantly towards your co-workers.
I have learned working in a similar field that we certainly cannot change others, but we can change our reaction to others---which often gains you respect and a decent rapport back.
In the end, like it or not, we are responsible for our actions. Blaming others is not going to help us solve the problem at all. It's only going to prolong it and make it worse.
Maybe you are not cut out for doing this kind of work. What you do is very stressful and I am sure filled with bureacracy that adds fuel to the fire at times. Maybe you can turn this negative into a positive and find something that would be a much better fit elsewhere.
In the meantime, since you acknowledged you have attitude/communication issues, I would still consider short-term therapy for that. Everyone in my book can benefit from some kind of therapy, so don't let the stigma get to you.
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| Posted 2/18/08 7:30 PM |
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Re: What a day
Ok let me clarify........I didn't know people were afraid of me, and I didn't know I was p*ssing people off. I have had 4 meetings with my bosses about this and I have said.....I want to change this, but if I don't know what I have said or done then how can I change it? I have tried being quiet, but then I'm anti-social, I have tried being myself but then i'm to loud, I have said to my shift and supervisor if I say something that upseats you PLEASE tell me right away. I can't fix something if I don't know about it. These people are my "friends" I say it like this because We all interact with eachother. Annettes daughter had a baby and I bought Aliegh gifts, Bobbi's son graduated from high school and I sent a card. Her husband did our home inspection. Here's an example....I guess last night I p*ssed off Annette because I checked the policy book about an issue. I get thinking outside of the box, but on everyday things why are we doing it wrong. Why even have rules and policy then. She said nothing to me and wrote me up. Fast forward to this morning and Rob asks why I checked the Policy book. Well I checked because if they wasy I was doig it was wrong I want/need to fix it. I NEVER said anything to her about how she idid it just asked why. I asked why because she was doing it for me, and I would have gotten in trouble. I didn't ask for help she just did it. This isn't just about me it's also about FAA regulations/saftey commitees/policy. I wanted it done right if it had my name on it. I don't need councleing I need people to help me. Ok here's how I see it, and maybe it's wrong.........I go into work me laugh, talk, p*ssed eachother off and go home. In the last month I have been wrote up 7 times and I just heard about it today and they said it didn't matter why! It didn't matter!? How can I fix something if I don't know it's broke! I am cut out for this job because I am good at it. I am the #2 communications specialist, this does not include supervisors, in our center as far as drop times.ProQA, customer service, and unit placement which are all reviewed monthy. I have tried fixing my issues, but clearly I don't know what they are because if I did I would not have had a meeting today about them.
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| Posted 2/18/08 7:57 PM |
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Re: What a day
Maybe I am missing something, but in your initial post you said you know you have issues, and an attitude and begged for help, on that that you didn't receive.
I would focus on the issues/attitude piece to start, because that is something that you admitted you were aware of.
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| Posted 2/18/08 8:01 PM |
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Re: What a day
Posted by mzsocialworker1
Maybe I am missing something, but in your initial post you said you know you have issues, and an attitude and begged for help, on that that you didn't receive.
I would focus on the issues/attitude piece to start, because that is something that you admitted you were aware of.
I know i'm loud and I'm the person that can tell someone they look great, but it comes out like thank god you showered today. This is a never ending battle for me, and I try hard to work on it everyday. My problem is that nobody is telling me what's wrong as it's happening. 90% of my issues are that what I mean and what I say come out different. I don't always understand what i'm saying wrong that offennds people so I need people to say...um excuse me but why did you say that. I have issues i'm workig on, but I do need help with it. I guess it bothers me that they keep saying as soon as we get anything negative about you we'll talk asap, and then 3 months goes by and mow i'm in a meeting explaining what i did 3 months ago.
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| Posted 2/18/08 8:09 PM |
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Re: What a day
Posted by medic6809
Posted by mzsocialworker1
Maybe I am missing something, but in your initial post you said you know you have issues, and an attitude and begged for help, on that that you didn't receive.
I would focus on the issues/attitude piece to start, because that is something that you admitted you were aware of.
I know i'm loud and I'm the person that can tell someone they look great, but it comes out like thank god you showered today. This is a never ending battle for me, and I try hard to work on it everyday. My problem is that nobody is telling me what's wrong as it's happening. 90% of my issues are that what I mean and what I say come out different. I don't always understand what i'm saying wrong that offennds people so I need people to say...um excuse me but why did you say that. I have issues i'm workig on, but I do need help with it. I guess it bothers me that they keep saying as soon as we get anything negative about you we'll talk asap, and then 3 months goes by and mow i'm in a meeting explaining what i did 3 months ago.
I know this is probably not what you are going to want to hear, but in my opinion, work, regardless of what we do, is not the same as being at home and with our friends. We need to often tone things down a lot.
I also don't think that as grown adults in the workplace, we should expect our co-workers to tell us if we are being offensive. Many people are just not confrontational like that.
I also think that as adults, we need to be conscious of what we say and how we act at all time. And take responsibility for that. Again, many people are just not going to tell you.
I think that since you do realize you tend to have a certain style about you and how you speak to others, you should really focus on changing that as much as you can.
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| Posted 2/18/08 8:16 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
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Re: What a day
Posted by mzsocialworker1
I know this is probably not what you are going to want to hear, but in my opinion, work, regardless of what we do, is not the same as being at home and with our friends. We need to often tone things down a lot.
I also don't think that as grown adults in the workplace, we should expect our co-workers to tell us if we are being offensive. Many people are just not confrontational like that.
I also think that as adults, we need to be conscious of what we say and how we act at all time. And take responsibility for that. Again, many people are just not going to tell you.
I think that since you do realize you tend to have a certain style about you and how you speak to others, you should really focus on changing that as much as you can.
I agree with this 100%. I always try to be on my best behavior when I am at work. sure I have my off days, everyone does. but this the exception, not the norm.
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| Posted 2/18/08 8:41 PM |
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Re: What a day
I've also been in plenty of work places where co-workers felt it was not their place to call someone on their same level out on their behavior, therefore, they let the supervisor deal with it.
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| Posted 2/18/08 8:51 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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Re: What a day
My work policy that has always worked....I keep in mind M-F 8-4
Friends are a luxury. Go in and do your job, avoid drama, conflict etc... When criticized...listen and do not argue. When you put more into it then necessary, that is where the problems arise. I have many solid friends working this way and I am looked at in a positive light as being flexible, creative, and empathetic. No one has to know whats going on in your head. IMO...keep the loudness out of the workplace. If you need to vent about something you are upset about (work related) seek a therapist bc they are better skilled then your paying workplace.
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| Posted 2/18/08 10:47 PM |
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Re: What a day
Posted by PrincessP
My work policy that has always worked....I keep in mind M-F 8-4
Friends are a luxury. Go in and do your job, avoid drama, conflict etc... When criticized...listen and do not argue. When you put more into it then necessary, that is where the problems arise. I have many solid friends working this way and I am looked at in a positive light as being flexible, creative, and empathetic. No one has to know whats going on in your head. IMO...keep the loudness out of the workplace. If you need to vent about something you are upset about (work related) seek a therapist bc they are better skilled then your paying workplace.
I also agree. I've never looked at any of my jobs as a place to go to make friends. If I do, well, that's an added bonus, yet, my career still comes first.
Maybe it's my profession, maybe it's me, but I try not to share a whole bunch of personal stuff with my co-workers. We have enough to relate to and chat about anyways concerning our day to day work.
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| Posted 2/19/08 6:15 AM |
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Re: What a day
You're right I don't want to hear it, but you all have excellent points. I think I need to just be quite do my job and retreat to my shell. I guess what bothers me is that it has nothing to do with the job performance, but me. Well tomorrow is my first day back on days so we'll see what happens. Thank you guys for the ideas and the tough love. I'll keep you posted
Message edited 2/19/2008 4:03:14 PM.
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| Posted 2/19/08 4:02 PM |
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bikramaddict
mommy-to-be
Member since 8/06 4376 total posts
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Re: What a day
i hope everything works out for you. 
as a temporary fix, perhaps consider speaking only when necessary and otherwise keeping quiet. nobody can blame you if you're not talking, right?
i'm not saying, nor do i think, this is the ideal solution, but it is a temporary one that may work while you sort your thoughts out.
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| Posted 2/19/08 4:13 PM |
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Re: What a day
Good luck at work and thanks for being willing to see things from an outsiders perspective. I wish more people were willing to take this point of view as well!
NO ONE is perfect when it comes to their jobs, and everyone can benefit from constructive criticism once in awhile.
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| Posted 2/19/08 5:48 PM |
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