What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

So at the end of the summer I had a few posts about how weird DH was acting towards me and being very short with me and just acting like a jerk. He got much better as the baby’s due date approached and the day of her birth and the days following he was INCREDIBLE! He even gave me a pushing present! He was home with us all last week and i can’t tell you how much he loves this little girl it’s so nice to see and it does make my heart melt but here’s where the problem starts...

Every year he goes on a golf outing for two guys who were killed in 9/11. This year it was week earlier than usual which meant that Allison was one week old (supposed to be two if she came on time) and I insisted he go to the golf trip. Normally he leaves Friday he ended up leaving Saturday very early and in his defense he offered to come home the same day ( its in the Pocono’s) I insisted that if he goes he stays over. He was so tired from the baby being up and then getting up at 5am Saturday and then to drive home late at night didn’t think it was safe. Now I wanted him to go and I promised him and myself this was not something I ever plan to throw in his face later on in a fight like" oh I let you go on the golf trip and I was home with a 1 week old” but.... he comes home Sunday all hung over.. Totally fine with me and expected. So all-day Sunday I took care of Allison. The only thing I asked him to do was to put the snap and go together so I could go for a walk on Monday morning.

He FINALLY did put it together at like 9pm (he was home since 1) Anyway he is showing me how to use it and it wasn’t working for me. He starts getting all frustrated and starts yelling at me so I start crying. This is not having to do with the baby and hormones I always cry if he gets like this. With him though if I started to cry it was hormones from the baby. When I was pregnant if I cried it was hormones from being pregnant. Before I was pregnant if I started to cry during a fight it was because I must be pmsing.
I HATE HATE HATE when he pulls that crap.. Could it be im crying because you are acting like an A$$hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????

Ever since this little argument about me not being able to work the snap and go (which I am fine with now) he has been acting like a jerk to me. He never calls to check in on us I have to call him and throughout the day I admit I call a few times when I need to tell him something or whatever. But then he tells me I am calling him too much and unless it’s an emergency save it up for one phone call or for when he gets home. ***!

I called him to tell him I called the ped yesterday to ask a few questions, which he told me to do and when I called to tell him he starts rushing me like ok ok I get the point. Then I tell him in the same conversation that I found out the babysitter is loosing the other two kids she watches so Allison will be the only baby there all-day long thinking this would make him so happy since he wasn’t thrilled about the arrangements and he is like ok whatever yeah that good. I was trying to tell him the turn of events as to why she would be the only baby.

Ok im sorry for my rambling but I am so upset with him and when he gets like this he is impossible to talk to. I am trying my hardest not to call him and you know what he will not call me I know it. He is working tonight as well as today so he will be home after midnight. I will be amazed if he calls.
Again he is great with the baby so I don’t think is a case of oh $hit I am dad now. He absolutely adores her it me he can’t seem to stand.


thanks for listening any advice appreciated.

Message edited 9/28/2006 12:53:38 PM.

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

my dh is like that at work too. very abrupt I forget he probably has people standing over him while I am on the phone

DH and I just had an argement last night about how he has no patience / time for me. you are not alone!

Most of the time i am able to blow it off.......I wish I had some better advice for you :

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

oh gosh im not a mom or married but here are some i do kno that men process things differently and while im sure he is thinking about u and the baby during the day maybe he is just verry focused on work and cant think about.. when ur both calm i would tell him how much it bothers u that he doesnt at least call to check in..also i wouldnt be calling him numerous times per day while he is working unless it is an emergency, and when he is relaxed u can sit and tell him what u need to catch him up on

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

Some hugs to you...

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

Everyone I know who is married says the same thing- when they call the DH at work he is too busy to talk. Its just work.

AS for the rest of it, I would just talk to him. To blame your emotions on hormones or PMS is just disrespectful. I would talk to him when you are calm and try to be as unemotional as possible. I find with DH the best way is to express how I am feeling and offer a solution that would make me feel better. and say "I feel that you are not calling enough/patient enough, etc... Do you think you could call me twice a day (or whatever you need) to check in. " I would also tell him that he needs to be more patient with you and not get so easily frurstrated when it takes you a little longer to figure things out. Also blaming your feelings on hormones is disrespectful.

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

thanks girls. i really dont think i call all that often like i said yesterday i called for a reason to tell him about the ped and the babysitter.

Its so weird its like i say his names to start a sentence and he says "WHAT" in this nasty toine and i just cant take it.

But i agree maybe if i dont call as much , serioulsy i was calling maybe 2-3 times a day i didnt think it was alot.
I know he is busy but... he also has a fairly laid back type of job too i know this for a fact. So to me it alwasy seems like he can sit and talk to whoever in the office or search the web but when i call he is too busy!

Illtry taking your advice of talkign tohim maybe this weekend but i knwo the end result its always teh same.

Thanks everyone

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

Hopefully talking to him will help him open up about whatever might be on his mind and you can get some answers. I dont think calling work 2 times a day is too much. You dont deserve to be talked to nasty........

I have to honestly say that when I look back, I was probably very mean to DH at times after DD was born. It lasted for at least 4-6 months where I always answered nasty and just didnt even want to look at him. For me it was just that I was so stressed with a lot of changes at the time and IL issues and felt he didnt really support or appreicate me. Im not saying this is your DHs problem or an excuse. But I think something must be bothering him and he is talking it out on you......

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

Yeah just try talking to him...

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

I think the way he spoke to you was unfair. During a calm time you need to explain to him that you want to be treated in a more respectful manner.
In regards to calling at work- I don't know what he does but not everyone can talk 2-3 x a day. If he is asking you not to call that often I would do my best to avoid calling him. Wait till he gets home unless you really need him asap. Are you a bit lonely at home? There are new mother groups and that might be a great way for you to see adults during the day.

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

Is he just distracted at work and is coming off at abrupt? Not like it's an excuse, he still should'nt do it, but maybe that's it? Try talking to him about it when he gets home.

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

If I was you I would use the reverse psychology thing. Don't call him for a few days AT ALL-my husband and my SIL's husband pull this too-they own a co. together and are in a high stress environment. If I HAVE to call my husband the first thing out of my mouth is Hi, you busy? Don't call him for a week. If he calls you don't answer the phone every time. He'll start to wonder where you are trust me!

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

Posted by 04bride


funny you should say this i didnt call him at all today and at 4 he calls and says "Are you trying to prove a point? " Yes jerk i am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: What a difference a week makes.. Dh vent please read.. kinda long

Start off with a clean slate. Try to start brand new and speak to him about better communication from this point on. Now that you have a baby, you might need to speak to him more often (for your good or relay info about the baby) and needs to realize that and accept it. He also should think to check in - if he doesn't want you calling as often, maybe he should have a set time that he'll call you when he's available to talk. Hope you're feeling better