What do you think?

The step parents that have problems with the bio mothers are the bio-moms re-married? If not do you think if they were re-married maybe they wouldn't be so determined to try an ruin the relationship between the bio dad and step moms?

Re: What do you think?

ABSOLUTELY! My SD's BM is single and has never remarried, but has been in a long-term relationship. While in this relationship, she pretty much stayed out of our business, and got along really well with DH. Now that they broke up, the jealousy she has toward us and the unhappiness she has about herself and her life are so obvious. It's like she has nothing better to do than to stir the pot now that she's not in a relationship!

Re: What do you think?

I think she wouldn't be AS determined, because when she does get in a relationship she kind of backs off a bit, but that is now, after 6 yrs of alienation damage already

Re: What do you think?

I don't know to be honest. She has had relationships on and off since I met DH. She's much better than she used to be.

She didn't have such a great childhood and she's just a miserable person. You have to feel sorry for her but she's the type of person that so long as she is miserable she wants everyone else to feel that way. ALL of her relationships with people seem to be unstable....It's very difficult to keep track of when she's speaking to her mother, her sister, her father, her brother...its never ending. At least it's not just us!

Re: What do you think?

The bio-mom in my situation made sure she found someone immediately after DH told her him and I were getting married (did I mention that the guy she married is 15 years older than her )- not that age means anything but what I'm saying is that she found someone who going to support her finacially etc, with no young children that he would have to pay CS for...In my peticular case, I think to a degree- the husband grounded her a bit, but not enough, it probably would have been worse if he wasnt in the picture (if worse is even possible)

Message edited 8/25/2008 2:16:01 PM.

Re: What do you think?

DH's ex remarried rather quickly and is as psychotic as ever

Re: What do you think?

We don't have problems with each other - but thats because we try to keep the peace - but she has issues with DH sometimes with money and stupid things.... she has a long term boyfriend...

Re: What do you think?

I do have to attest that the relationship with the "Bio-mom" is cordial and the drama is minimal. but when it does happen and she is picking fights with DH, I believe its cause she is bored. When she is in a relatinoship we never hear from her, I always tell DH to tell her to stop dating losers so she can get married to a right guy and be occupied

Re: What do you think?

At times I believe that. Only because I know she is dying to get married and I am sure is jealous that he married already.

Re: What do you think?

I am lucky that I don't really have any issues with the BM, we do tend to have different rules in our house (DH and I are more strict) but that is about it.

But before DH and I were together, BM got married, she and DH were never married they were a college relationship that led to a PG. Anyway, when she got married her husband was very jealous of my DH. DH stopped by to pick up his son one day and stepped inside the house, out of nowhere BM's husband lunged at him, pushed him out of the house and tried to punch him. He had major jealousy issues (even though my husband and BM had been broken up for 5 years).

After I came into the picture, he slowly got better, not great but better. We still don't go in their house, even though BM has breastfed her infant son on my couch or comes in to let her 3 y/o use the bathroom, her husband will sit in the car instead of coming in our house(not that we would care). It is strange but I think there must be some kind of fear that BM and DH will get back together. It seems a little extreme, but at the same time it is understandable; being linked to your spouces EX for all eternity is a strange situation.

Message edited 9/12/2008 11:15:18 AM.

Re: What do you think?

Re: What do you think?

unfortunately, bm is no longer alive but when she was, i believe that if she had someone "on her side" so to say, she would have stayed out of our business.

Re: What do you think?

Re: What do you think?

It has helped. At first it made things a little worse because she met the guy, moved him in her one bedroom apartment WITH SD that was around 11 yrs old within a month, then got preggo right away, then a quick house purchase & shotgun wedding. SD was shell- shocked & that made things much harder. Shortly after that BM was overwhelmed with her new life & simply didn't have the time she had before to worry about how much money we were earning or compare. At some point BM remembered my husband is a great person to talk to & he lends a good ear, so she has gone back to wanting to tell him over the phone all of the stuff going on in her life when her husband isn't home, I really don't care. Its better than when they didn't speak.
SD on the other hand still totally resents her stepfather & her 2 year old half brother & often wishes it "was just her & her Mom again". In their house SD is allowed to disrespect her stepdad & be rude so that sometimes causes conflict when she tries to pull that crap here.

Re: What do you think?

bm in our situation has had numerous bfs during the time we lived in fl. she has lived w/them, they've lived with her, etc....if the guy she was with liked kids, she wanted ss every other weekend to show off her mommy skills - if the guy she was with liked partying more than kids, she offered ss to us for every weekend. when we first moved down there she said we could have ss every weekend - which is what we wanted...it worked like that for about 1 month, then the guy she was dating started getting his daughter more often and she wanted ss to spend more time with bf's daughter so she took back what she said and we went to every other weekend...they broke up, she started on the scene again, we got him everyweekend, she found another guy who thought it was cool that she was a mom and back to every other...and so on and so forth...my ss has been in public school for 5 yrs and duirng that time he's been in 6 different schools, lived in 8 different houses/apts and gone through countless new men in her life - each of whom he was told would be his stepfather...so to answer your ? - it depends on what the guy she marries is like...if he likes kids, we'll see ss less - if he doesn't we'll get ss more.