What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

Update- I'm so sad for dd. She was so excited to go to the party all week, helped me pick out presents, loved her costume (superhero themed party), and was in such a good mood headed there. Once she was there she seemed shy but overall okay. It was at a children's museum so lots to play with but mostly entertaining herself and not interacting with other kids. Many children were so I did not think it bothered her. The party was also super short. Started at 10 and by 11:30 favors were being handed out and many people leaving so not a long chance to interact. We stayed after the party was "over" and hung out at the museum for a bit longer.

Anyway, we got home and she took a bath and napped. After she woke up she seemed sad. I thought she was just tired but she all of a sudden looks at me with teary eyes and says "nobody wants to be my best friend." And I said "what do you mean?" And she said "at the party. Nobody played with me. They don't want to be my best friend".

Backstory is she attended a different daycare since since she was 1 and grew up with many kids in the class. She's been home since June with me on Mat leave and we switched her to a preschool that is less expensive but highly recommended. There had been a lot of turnover at her old school so we thought it was good timing. She has only been in school 6 times and seemed like she likes it but said today that "they don't want to play with me. They don't like me". The way she said it seriously broke my heart because dd is such a good girl and has such a silly warm spirit I hate to see her crushed like that.

Would you speak to the teacher or give it more time before you say anything? by speaking I mean asking her how dd and the children play together and if she often plays by herself or seems sad?

Ugh, not a great way to end my maternity leave




My dd just started preschool last week and was invited to a birthday party this Sunday. Most of the children have been together for years so I'm assuming most of the moms also know each other.

Obviously I'll be leaving the tube tops at home but do you dress nicely for these things? More specifically, I wanted to wear my new ankle boots with skinny jeans. Am I going to get the side eye? Do most moms wear flats? I actually find a good fitting boot more comfy than a flat with no cushion but I don't want to stand out.

It's at a children's museum.

Also, how much would you spend on a present/presents? They are twin girls turning 4. This is dd first bday party that's not family. Tia!

Message edited 10/4/2015 9:50:52 PM.

Re: What do you wear at children's parties?

I think you're overthinking the outfit. Wear whatever you want.

I'd spent $25ish per child.

Re: What do you wear at children's parties?

Re: What do you wear at children's parties?

wear whatever you want -
People always comment that i'm 'dressed up' - I'm not - I'm just not in yoga pants and a Tshirt KWIM?
Wear what you're comfortable in - it's not like you're going to show up in a sequin cocktail dress and if the ones that give you the side eye, you'll learn you don't want to be bothered w/ them (or their kids) anyway

Re: What do you wear at children's parties?

Thanks! Meeting a bunch of people who already know each other by myself makes me nervous can you tell

Ugh I'm only doing it for dds sake. I have so much to do since I'm returning to work on Monday from maternity leave

Re: What do you wear at children's parties?

Re: What do you wear at children's parties?

I usually wear jeans
Wedges or ankle boots

If it's summer, my usual weekend outfit, some kind of easy to thrown on dress

I don't wear flats- EVER- in my entire life. So no, you dont' have to wear flats.

Message edited 10/2/2015 3:36:50 PM.

What do you wear at children's parties?

Agree with above poster.

And I totally know where your coming from about being nervous, but don't. Go be friendly and be open. You might even meet some really nice moms. Ive met some really great moms at my daughters preschool that have become my friends.
Ive also met some women I wouldn't give 2 seconds of my time cause their rude, but these parties DO help you see whose nice. Whose not. And you learn about the kids too. Whose nice to your child. Who your child gravitates too and whose kid is not so nice. LOL
Just go and have a good time =)
And spend about $25 on the gift

Re: What do you wear at children's parties?

Re: What do you wear at children's parties?

Thanks, everyone! This is helpful. Especially since I see that 25 is the going rate! I was estimating it to be more and with the girls being twins kinda was hurting my pocket since I've been on maternity leave

I'm going with the ankle boots (they are like a thicker heel so I can still chase kids) and a slouchy top to cover the baby pooch

This is the first time I'm going to take my dd somewhere by ourselves since her baby brother was born this summer so I am excited about that part.

I thought it was very sweet of the twins mom to include my daughter since she just started so I hope the other moms are equally as nice!

Re: What do you wear at children's parties?

I usually wear jeans and a sweater or nice tee-shirt and whatever shoes I can run all around with my kid in. Flats, sneakers, boots, whatever.

Re: What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

Bump with update

Thanks everyone, I felt fine but dd was really down. Updated post .

Re: What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

Oh that is so sad. I would definitely ask the teacher how she does at school and maybe the teacher can work on helping her socializing with the other kids. She might need some help if they already know each other and there are little groups set up. Or the teacher might know which kids are really easy going and willing to play with new kids and set them up to play.
I am so sorry for the both of you, it's so hard sometimes.

What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

Aw that broke my heart. Your poor little girl. Maybe mention what she said to the teacher and she can help her make some friends in class.

Re: What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

You can tell her that her friends invited her to the party because they wanted to play with her.

I don't make a huge thing about making friends at such an early age: for both my DS and DD, all the kids played together & then did their own thing.

Re: What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

That would kill me to hear. They don't really understand the idea of best friends, but she must not be feeling 100% comfortable yet. I'm sure the kids do love her, but this is just her way of expressing that she is still unsure about the new school. I would 1) contact the teacher and just see if that is what she sees in school and if she can suggest anyways for DD to feel more comfortable and 2) set up a few playdates with 1 friend at a time that she likes from her new class. As a working mom, it is hard because a lot of times the friendships form over playdates and because moms know each other. I know you are just coming back from maternity leave, so your schedule sucks right now, but maybe if you can have a friend over, and get to know the mom a bit, she'll feel more confident.

Message edited 10/5/2015 6:02:30 AM.

Re: What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

If she's only been in school 6 times, you definitely need to give it more time. The other kids probably know each other from previous years. Is she only going a few times a week? I think that definitely breaks it up, too, since the other kids are probably there more. It's very natural, but I bet in another few weeks she'll have lots of "best friends!"

Either way, I'd bring it up to the teacher. She should be able to help her acclimate quicker, bring her in to other activities, and encourage more interaction between the kids.

Hang in there. As a mommy, it's really hard to see your kid struggle, but also know you're doing the right thing, and she WILL adjust. it just takes time. And 6 days is not nearly enough time.

What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

So heartbreaking. Definitely bring it up to the teacher and let them know she's feeling left out. They're so little and social interaction is a big party of what they're there to learn imo. The teacher should definitely facilitate getting her more comfortable with the other kids. Dd is very outgoing and just started preschool. I always tell her to try to play with the kids that seem shy or nervous so they'll feel better. I was a very shy kid so I know I would have appreciated that.

Re: What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

My dd was the same way when she started prek. She would come home and say no one wants to play with her. I lost it. I cried hysterically. So i spoke with her teachers and they told me the kids love her and she has a great time in school, never seems sad. Parties are a different setting. They arent confined to a class room where they sort of have to play together. My dd is still veryyy shy takes her a long time to warm up. But dont get upset i bet in school she has a really fun time.

Re: What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

Thanks for everyone's replies! It really made me feel better hearing from other moms their experiences and encouragement! It is my first day back so I will reply to posts later but I am going to take the advice and reach out to her teacher. I also reached out to the mom and just thanked them for the party and explaining the presents were some of dd's current favorite things.

Dd even drew pictures on their cards and asked me last night if the girls liked her present and if they opened it. Breaks my heart!

Re: What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

Posted by Lara&Aidansmommy

My dd was the same way when she started prek. She would come home and say no one wants to play with her. I lost it. I cried hysterically. So i spoke with her teachers and they told me the kids love her and she has a great time in school, never seems sad. Parties are a different setting. They arent confined to a class room where they sort of have to play together. My dd is still veryyy shy takes her a long time to warm up. But dont get upset i bet in school she has a really fun time.

Re: What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

Message edited 10/5/2015 10:29:53 AM.

Re: What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

Oh my gosh that broke my heart. DEFINITELY speak to the daycare teacher. In DD's class, since a new school year has started and there are a few new kids in the class they are specifically working on including everyone and playing with everyone. The teachers main rule is that no one can say "I don't want to play with you". I am especially sensitive to this as it's almost physically painful for me to make friends especially in unfamiliar situations.

Don't hesitate to talk to the teacher. They will definitely work on it with her and the class. She will be fine and even stronger for it.

What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

So sad for you and DD. I had this issue with DD last year when she was in a 3's program in pre school. I asked DD"s teachers all year long who she played with and their response was always that she parallel played and that that was normal at that age and esp since she was the youngest kid in class. I didn't make much of it bc DD seemed happy bbut toward the end of the year she would tell me that no one would play with her and that they didn't want to be her friend. My daughter to is the sweetest most loving kid so hearing that Broke. My. Heart. I spoke to the teachers and they said they would try to see who she would match up well with in class in order to get them to try to socialize -- but it was already the end of the year and I don't think they did much to make that happen. I feel like it effected my DD"s confidence to be honest. This year her pre-k teacher is wonderful and all the kids seem to play together, by design at least for the beginning of the year. She hasn't formed any attachments yet but at least she doesnt feel left out.
IN any case, definitely speak with her teacher, tell her your concerns and see if she has a particular closeness to any of the kids in her class or anyone the teacher thinks she may get along well with and try to schedule playdates after school if you can with that/those kids. That would be my advice. Good luck!

Message edited 10/6/2015 12:38:12 PM.

What do you wear at children's parties? Update super sad for dd

I also have twin boys almost 4 with a birthday coming up. Do what you can afford. I would suggest getting something for each one though.