What do you wish you learned before your first?

I am going to be a horrible mom. Besides what I read on here and doing random searches online I have done no research at all. I haven't read a book or magazine about parenting or giving birth at all during my pregnancy. DH didn't want to do any classes so I didn't bother signing up. I getting really nervous because my due dates in 36 days and I feel unprepared. To make it even worse, a Co worker and I were talking about the birth and she's like we'll you've atleast done the classes and I said I haven't done any and she's like WHAT!?!?!

So for those of you who already have children do you have any advice on what I should read up on before this child is born?

Message edited 9/30/2016 10:30:49 AM.

What do you wish you learned before your first?

Don't bother. A book can't teach maternal instinct. It's all trial and error and there are no magic formulas for parenting, you just learn as you go. Every baby and parent is different so you find the things that work best for you, everyone else be damned. Books and classes just give an abstract idea of what parenthood is like. Don't sweat it, everything comes naturally.

Re: What do you wish you learned before your first?

You don't need classes at all. You'll figure it all out for your unique baby. At the beginning they just need enough to eat, a clean diaper, and to be held a lot lol. Nothing really prepares you for it anyway until you're actually doing it. You will do great.

Re: What do you wish you learned before your first?

You don't need any book or magazines, sounds cliche but your mama instincts kick in. The only class I took was at the hospital after birth on how to breastfeed and wash the baby. One thing that I will also mention is something no one told me is about the baby blues and PPD, just read more about it if you can.

Re: What do you wish you learned before your first?

You can't learn parenting in a book.
You can't learn how to push a baby out of your whoha by taking a class.

These are things that can't be managed like a job or a project.

That is the first and only thing you need to know before having a baby. That it's not like anything else you've ever done and you can't research it to death.

For the record I took no birthing classes at all. When it came time to push the nurse asked if I took a class. I said no, and she told me how to push in about 20 seconds.
And then I did it.
Women have been having babies since the dawn of time and there was no such thing as these classes.
They somehow did and so did I and so will you.

Anything learned in a class would have been out the window anyway when I was in the heat of labor and pushing.

Message edited 9/30/2016 11:00:56 AM.

What do you wish you learned before your first?

Nothing. I had experience bc I worked as an infant teacher in a daycare but really nothing can prepare you for labor or parenting. You'll catch on quickly.

You will question everything. Everything. I have 2 kids under 3 and I still have moments of wtf do I do?

Re: What do you wish you learned before your first?

You are NOT going to be a horrible mom. I read up online a lot about labor and birth but literally nothing about being a parent. I felt a little lost and overwhelmed at first, but I just let the baby lead the way. She knew when she was hungry, tired, gassy, whatever. She tells me when she's ready to sit up, try rice cereal, roll over, etc. I don't think reading any books would've made me more or less prepared. Honestly, they probably would've made me neurotic! You got this mama!

ETA: And I only read up so much about labor because it scared the sh!t outta me!

ETAA: I did read up about breastfeeding because I know so many who have struggled. But honestly, that wasn't even super helpful. Stupid articles like "you may experience some nipple discomfort in the first few weeks." I don't know the pain threshold for the person who wrote that but it felt like I was having my nipples sawed off with a butter knife. I learned a lot more by speaking to moms who have BTDT.

Message edited 9/30/2016 11:12:52 AM.

Re: What do you wish you learned before your first?

What I wish I learned before having my first is to have enough confidence in my own maternal instincts & follow my own common sense. At times, I allowed others to upset me due to my own lack of confidence & ability To stand up for myself as a mom when my first was born. An example, dh's grandmother commenting on me washing my firstborn hands before eating & saying I'm over protective. In the past, I may have just not washed them so she wouldn't say comments like that. Now I respond with, whoever thinks I am overprotective it's their problem. I'm teaching them hygiene & that's that. I only took cpr. You don't need a Lamaze class. The nurses walk you through everything during labor. Don't worry. You will be a great mom & tell others to shut up.

Message edited 9/30/2016 11:14:01 AM.

What do you wish you learned before your first?

No book or class can prepare you- I read nothing, took zero classed. Literally nothing.

I don't know about what I could have learned, but I wish someone had told me how hard being a parent really is. I don't think I ever thought it would be easy, but I didn't realize it would be so hard. I remember feeling like I'd been lied to. I was waiting for the "this is the greatest thing ever" moment and, at least for me, I didn't get that at first because all DD did was scream. So, it's hard. And its ok to feel lost and think "wtf did I just do?" Accept help if you can.

You won't be a horrible mom. The fact that you're concerned enough to think that proves it!

What do you wish you learned before your first?

To answer the question - to not listen to others and do what I felt was right for our baby

As for being a horrible mom I 100000% disagree! The fact that you are concerned about it, shows you care and are a GREAT mom. Honestly, looking back, we took the Lamaze and child caring classes - waste of time. The hospital taught DH how to put a diaper on and give baby a bath. I didn't follow any of the Lamaze stuff I learned. I didn't even know when my water broke!! When baby gets here, you will figure it out. It's going to be ok. Our ped guided us a lot and I followed some stuff I read on here. Each kid is different so just follow what you think is right.

Re: What do you wish you learned before your first?

Nothing can prepare you. Literally nothing. I didnt take any classes prior to my first. When it came time to push, my nurses and doctor told me exactly what to do and when to do it. Even if I had taken a class, I would have forgotten it all in that moment. The nurses will tell you when to push and when to stop pushing each time you contract. And they will explain to you how to push (mine used the comparison of trying to push a poop out...bear down like you're constipated and trying to get this giant poop out). If you plan to use a epidural, Lamaze won't help you anyway. Those are breathing techniques to get you through the pain. And prior to the epidural, the pain was so intense that even if I had learned Lamaze it wouldn't have mattered...the only thing I could do to make it through each contraction was hold my breath and close my eyes and pray for it to stop.

Once baby is here, there is STILL nothing a class could teach you. Because EVERY baby is different. It just takes time to learn their particular needs and cries. And I'll be honest...it's scary as sh!t at first. I remember never knowing if he was hungry, or over tired, or just needed to be held, or if something was really wrong. I remember thinking "how do I know if I'm feeding him enough" or "how do I know when he should be taking naps". The truth is, in the beginning you don't. You follow their lead and eventually you'll gain some confidence as you get to know each other. It took me about 2 weeks to learn his cries and then things got a lot better from there. The doctors and nurses will give you a general guideline of how often and how much to feed, and then you kind of go from there.

This is my second and even though I have a lot more confidence than I did with DS, I'm still nervous. So, if you're feeling unprepared or nervous, just know that it's a NORMAL feeling. You're not alone. Most mothers (even 2nd or 3rd time moms) feel this way!

Message edited 9/30/2016 11:55:43 AM.

Re: What do you wish you learned before your first?

Don't worry you will do great! Forums like this are really helpful if you have questions. I toke a child birth class and honestly I don't think we got anything out of it. Parenting is hard but you learn as you go plus each child is different. It is a new experience everytime!

What do you wish you learned before your first?

I would take a few hours and read a little on childbirth just so you know what to expect. Also think about the things that are import to you--do you want a drug free birth? Do you want to be able to walk around while in labor? There are lots of birth plan forms free online to give you an idea of things you may be asked during labor. I found being prepared with a birth plan helped me stay calm. My dd turned face up while I was in labor and it changed some of my plan but it helped that I had thought things through and did not panic.
The best parenting advice I can give is trust your instincts--of something doesn't seem right question it. Do not be afraid to speak up just because you are a first time mom. My dd pediatrician always tells me to just observe my dd- he says when you are looking for specific behaviors and milestones you often miss the obvious. Also, do not be afraid to ask for help if you feel overwhelmed.

What do you wish you learned before your first?

i took no classes. i read some pregnancy books, but no parenting books.

2 things i wish i had known or realized.

first, if you are having a vaginal delivery, don't start pushing until you literally feel like you can't NOT push anymore. with my first, i started pushing too early and my delivery was long. my second, i waited and waited as long as possible and it went much quicker.

second, trust your mommy instincts. if something doesn't feel right or worries you, go with it. asks questions, see the doctor, whatever you need to do. and believe me, once you have that baby, your mommy instincts will kick in.

Re: What do you wish you learned before your first?

Oh no, don't think you are horrible mom! You are not! I'm right behind you with 56 days to go, having my third baby. I'm also starting to get really nervous and feel unprepared.

With my first, I took a Lamaze class, but it really didn't help me much at all. Research childbirth online if you feel you need to. But I think it's fine without.

I do think if you plan to breastfeed, then reading about it online (kellymom is a good website), in a book, or taking a class is worth it. I had no idea what I was doing with my first and had so many problems with it.

Other than that, just go with it. Nothing can prepare you! It'll be great!

Re: What do you wish you learned before your first?

::Crashing::

Never took any classes, didn't read any books, didn't follow any of the "popular" rules. in fact, i did everything "wrong" according to most parenting advice.

My DS is now 6, amazing sense of humor, loves math, does well in school, is the best behaved kid at any event, love by kids and adults alike.

Give yourself time, get to know your kid, and go from there. Your baby will let you know what he/she needs. Just trust yourself and you will be fine.

What do you wish you learned before your first?

I didn't take classes or do much to prepare got child birth. I didn't see the point and figured an epi and the nurses would get me through. Even with a cruddy nurse I managed fine!

I did read about breastfeeding bc I was dead set on being successful. I read the book breastfeeding made simple which I found really helpful to understand how it all worked. I also browsed kellymom.com which had a lot of great info.

Re: What do you wish you learned before your first?

You can read all you want but at the end of the day, it's all just a wing and a prayer. I am on my third kid and I still don't know what I'm doing sometimes. You will figure it out. Don't worry

What do you wish you learned before your first?

You can't really have expectations. I thought I'd do a lot of things differently....For one I said i was going to be firm about no cosleeping and he ended up in our bed for 10 months because he got soooo many teeth early that he had a tough time STTN, I didn't think I'd BF for longer than a few weeks but ended up with an oversupply so I continied to BF and pump for 10 months, i thought id hand make all organic purees, this baby decided to skip purees completely, in some ways I felt like he may have taught me how to parent him.

And you can somehow function on very little sleep. Also, I learned to do inventory before leaving anyplace. In the early days I was always forgetting stuff! One being my cellphone on my bumper :/

What do you wish you learned before your first?

Don't worry! You'll be fine! The only class I took was the one the hospital gives where you see where to go when you go into labor. But if you don't have time to take one, don't worry, security will guide you in the right direction when the time comes.
I also took a class the hospital offered which was how to bathe your baby. These classes were offered during my hospital stay. I think there was one in breastfeeding, but I found my nurse to be very helpful with that so I didn't feel the need.

Our moms and grandmas raised their families with no classes or manuals. You'll be ok! Hugs!

What do you wish you learned before your first?

You will be a great mom! Nothing can prepare you for becoming a parent.

I wish people told me that recovery sucks. Maybe this isn't true for everyone, but the first few days were really rough for me.

You may not fall instantly in love with your child. Your hormones will be all over the place and you'll be so sleep deprived that you'll think - wth did I just do, but don't worry you will eventually love your lo SO much!!! I promise!

You will sleep again. It might take 2 years, but there is hope.

Breastfeeding can be very challenging! If you plan on sticking with it, find people who are supportive.

What do you wish you learned before your first?

Thank you everyone for your support! I am still nervous as he'll but atleast I feel better about not having taken classes.

What do you wish you learned before your first?

Here's what I learned, that I wish someone had warned me about-
1) Breastfeeding is HARD!!! Like super hard. Like can I even do this, or do I go to formula, or do I pump and bottle feed? Nothing wrong with any option, but I didn't expect to have such issues. Each kid is different and DS#2 latched fine. DS#1 lost 18 ounces in 4 days due to an undiagnosed tongue tie.
2) Don't let people guilt you AT ALL! Yes enjoy every moment, but also don't feel bad about getting things done, having things to do outside the house, and the whole balancing act of it all.
3) Baby boys get erections EARLY! LOL

That's all I got :)

Edited to say- I took classes and loved them, but I am a planner and wanted to be mentally prepared for each step bc that's me. BUT they are def not needed. Sometimes its better not knowing!

Message edited 10/5/2016 12:34:20 PM.