What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way too early in the am

I thnk this expression is a load of bs. It's applicable to the minor things like working hard or getting over minor things.

I think for the big things - the things nearest & dearest to your heart, it's not true. It weakens you, punches holes in your heart & makes you vulnerable like nothing else. I've seen friends that appear strong to everyone around them but insides are shells of their former self because of it.

So in your experience, true or false?

Message edited 7/12/2007 11:42:20 AM.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

Sorry, I don't agree.

I am so much stronger now because of the horrible things I have experienced that should have beaten me down completely, and didn't.

I know now if I could survive all of that, I could survive anything.

What didn't kill me, made me much stronger. Do I still crack, crumble, and cry? Hell yeah. But I also get up in the morning after everything and face another day. No matter how much I want to never get up again.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

I disagree...only because I feel that the large events initially destroy you, but I truly believe that no matter how damaged you may be - there is a strength deep inside that didn't exist before.
And the next time a shattering event occurs, you handle it better mentally and emotionally.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

True.

Barb, I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for having some very difficult years. I was very independent at a young age because my mom died. I was an incredibly hard worker in school and very much appreciative of my Dad paying tutition to parochial schools as a single parent. I never asked my father for a cent as a teenager and instead went out and jot odd jobs (Imagine many teenagers doing that today ) if I waned somthing. I know not to put up with dysfunctional people's cr ap because my dad remarried a woman who wrote the book in that dept... my radar has been pretty good in that dept for years now and I've been able to steer clear where others have been pulled in. If all of those things didn't happen I wouldn't have been strong enough to handle his severe stroke and recovery and be his advocate against the health insurance company and the company he worked for for over 30 year both of which wanted to deny him benefits he was entitled to. All of this has given me the ability to dig right in and do something when the going gets tough and not be emotionally paralyzed.

At the same time I put a lot of things into perspective and many of the things that most people complain about seem trivial ("small stuff") to me.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

I also think this expression is true.

I agree that the things we experience in our life make us the person we are today. If I didn't live my life the way I did, then I wouldn't be as strong and as independent as I am today.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

Barb - absolutely 100% TRUE!!!!!! I have always hated this saying - another one I disagree with is "Everything happens for a reason".
Bullsh!t - I believe these sayings make it easier on the person saying it. Not the person hearing it.

I think depending on the depth and severity of what a person has gone through will effect how they feel about this saying.

There are many lessons learned in life and people respond very differently to the same situation. I have gone through many life altering events and you are right. It punches you in the gut and makes you vulnerable. And that is something I do not like - being vulnerable. It is hard to have something shatter your life and to force yourself to keep going. I will never be the same person I once was due to events over the past 2 1/2 years and I mourn that loss. And I know it has changed many relationships for me. But there is no getting that person back, I can only try to survive being the person I am.
Before this, I would handle major events/tragedies and be very strong. I don't think I'll ever be that strong again in my life now.
And you know what, there are many times I will feel like the worlds biggest phoney putting on airs because I'm affected EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

True.

I think people who see things otherwise have something else going on or aren't yet past the troubling times. It takes time, but it definitely makes you stronger.

I think the people for whom this is not true need to work more to overcome the tragedies they've faced in life. Therapy, reaching out, etc. may be necessary if the person can't get past the bad stuff life has handed them. They should reach out, too -- because there is no reason to be living as only a shell of your former self. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's possible.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

I think its a true saying....

My weakest , most horrible moments have in the end only made me stronger now that they are behind me.


I see it as stonger vs. weaker.

And I am not weaker as a person for any of the heartache or hardtimes. I learned from it, and with learning comes strength.

IMO and my circumstances.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

I agree, and disagree.

When you're in the thick of something that shakes you to the core, and makes you into a shaking little shell of your former self, yes, I agree, it's unimaginably damaging and weakens your inner core. And, that can go on for months and months, maybe even years.

But, with that said, if you find a way to get through it by allowing yourself to feel, touch and taste every emotion it brings, no matter how hard it is to allow yourself to actually *feel* and accept htose emotions, in the end, I think you DO become stronger. At least, that's how my experiences have affected me.

Though, I agree with others - it also is a question of your own strength and personality. Some people allow traumatic or devastating experiences to shake them to the core and change them forever, for the worse. For those that don't allow that to happen, in the end, they do become more in touch with themselves, and their own strength.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

Message edited 7/12/2007 9:09:01 AM.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

For me, its made me weaker in some respects but stronger in others.

Just when you think there is nothing left inside of you to keep you going, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again.

You know that I've been through this, on numerous occasions. And you know that I'm a mess inside and have the strong outter shell. But I do know that it has without a doubt made me a stronger person. It has forever changed me, but its made me who I am today.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

I disagree, if it was BS I would not be who I am today. My mom died when I was 16, my dad died when I was 24. Have I wilted up, become weak and lost my willingness to go on? No way! I still went to my HS graduation, I still moved away to school. I followed my dreams to NY, where I found a wonderful man and a happy place in my life. I even got married without my parents and I will continue to go and be strong.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

wow..

I'm in the midst of turmoil and hardship. I feel that at any given moment I will crumble under the pressure.

Then I remember that this too shall pass.

I was in the dentist's chair back in January getting a cavity filled. I was a big chicken and was freaking out about it. It was done and over with. Two months later, Freddy got sick, two months after that I had to have a route canal..didn't freak out, didn't care about it..it was done and I walked out laughing. Go ahead, hit me with route canal..it ain't nothing.

Colonoscopy on the horizon..used to totaly freak out..nah, whatever..it will be fine. Even if they tell me my Crohns is back..I'm not worried. It was the #1 thing I was most afraid of back in February...now, not even a little scared even though I had major abdominal surgery to correct it..it can come back and make me sick but it won't break me. I have bigger fish to fry.

Very little can bring me to my knees now. Only the current situation with my brother is hurting me. I know that this will get better soon too. I just have to stay strong and positive. We will get through this too..even though right now it feels crippling, I know it won't last forever.

So, to sum up..I believe that it made me stronger. I am a different person now and even though I wish some things never happened, it will make me a stronger more knowledgable person in the future. The situation taught me a lot about myself and the people around me.

Now, if I can only lose the 10 stress pounds I put on over the last few months!

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

I believe that hardships do make you stronger and put everything in perspective of what really matters in life.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

I remember thinking the exact same thing and saying it to my sister during a really hard time.

But now looking back on it, I realize it did make me stronger b/c i came through it and now know how much i am capapble of handling.

But I think it is hard to agree with this expression in the midst of a hard time.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

I disagree only because for me, this year has been a total nightmare. My mother was going through alot this year (Around March-April). She was in so much emotional pain, it KILLED me inside. I was in a state of depressioon so bad, I totally lost myself.. Although my life was great, knowing she was miserable just destoyed me.
SInce then, she has gotten much better (thank god). After seeing what she went through and going through those horrible weeks, I feel that any other problem I encounter could not even come close to comparing. I've learned alot from that experience- and because of that, I remember that things in almost every situation can indeed be worse. Believe me, theres always a "worse" situation. No problem in my life so far ever came remotely close to what I have experienced this year- I will never forget how I felt- this experience has made me a stronger person.

I truly believe that god only gives you what he feels you are capable of handling.

Message edited 7/12/2007 10:09:28 AM.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

I both agree and disagree.

to me, the mind/spirit is like a muscle. in order to make it stronger, it needs to tear a little. and as it heals, you realize you can "take" a heavier load...without those rips, the muscle does not grow.

BUT, those deep tears...those wounds that take years to close...though they may not "kill" you, they rock you to the core.

they scar you.

and even though they, too, heal and help you to realize that you can bear the brunt of it, bear the weight of it...

the scar tissue grows there too.

it's an addition to your very self. it changes your very being. for better or for worse, it does not leave you the same.

and you feel that scar. it's sensitive. it's a place that can more easily be hurt again. and unconsciously, you protect it. you ache for it.

sometimes being changed is worse. b/c you may not end up the person or in the place you wanted to be.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

I think that the weakness is temporary. Surviving it and surviving it WELL is where the strength shines through.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

depends on the person and the event. I think some things may not kill you, but they are so emotionally devastating that you really might as well not go on. I know of one guy whose wife and daughter was murdered, he really was a shell of a man for the rest of his life. He never got over it.

Re: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - deep thinking way to early in the am

I think perhaps the expression should be, "what doesn't kill you *can* make you stronger." I think a lot of it has to do with how you handle the experience and what happens following the rough event a person experiences.

The deaths of my parents were probably the two most difficult events I have dealt with thus far and they still affect me. However, there is a part of me that never wants that ache or a small amount of that pain to leave me, because it's a reminder of the great love I had in my life and I find that it makes me more sympathetic to what other people might be experiencing.