BTDT Moms I could use some advice

OK so my daughter is fine at home she can play independently and I don't have to be ontop of her. If she has 1 friend over she is usually fine too. Though sharing at this age is an issue but I think that's pretty normal.

But when I have to take her out to a birthday party or event-all hell breaks loose. She will CLING to me. I cannot be more than a finger tip away from her. We had to go to her cousins commiunion party yesterday and there was a 7 month old baby there- Savanah went to everyone and didn't care. But my daughter HELL no! I know my IL's can be a little overwhelming, there are a ton of them and they are loud, but this other baby was fine my daughter just swatted everyone away and screamed except for my BIL's BIL. Go figure.

Today we had my BF's son's 2 birthday party. She was the only child that had to have their Mommy ontop of them at all times. She wouldn't play with the other kids. At one point she was playing nicely with a toy- I was sitting behind her. I stood up. I didn't move from the spot I just stood up and she freaked. Completely melt down. She was definitely the specatacle of the party.

It was awful

She has done this several times before.

I thought, guess I was wrong, being that she is in daycare that she would be a little bit better than this when she is around a lot of kids, but NOPE! I mean she cries when DH drops her off but then she gets over it and plays and does whatever.

So can anyone offer some advice? I don't mind letting her cry a little and helping her to realize that Mommy is coming back, but I don't feel someone's birthday party or other party is the place for that. I would appreciate any advice because this Mommy is so frustrated.

Re: BTDT Moms I could use some advice

I wouldn't compare a 12 month old to a 7 month old since they're all at different stages of development with separation & stranger anxiety.

For the most part, I would ignore her if she started it at a party. I would tell everyone else to ignore her too. Eventually, she'll decide she wants to join in on the fun - or if not, you just have a shy child on your hands.

Re: BTDT Moms I could use some advice

Re: BTDT Moms I could use some advice

Posted by Nancy

Posted by nrthshgrl

I wouldn't compare a 12 month old to a 7 month old since they're all at different stages of development with separation & stranger anxiety.

For the most part, I would ignore her if she started it at a party. I would tell everyone else to ignore her too. Eventually, she'll decide she wants to join in on the fun - or if not, you just have a shy child on your hands.

I second this. A 7 month and 12 month old are on completely different pages in development. I've had the same problem and honestly, it's best to tell people to back off and let her warm up. My DD was like this until 20 months and now, for the most part, goes anywhere and I never see her (at a party or a friend's house.) Some of my friends' kids are still like this at 2-3. It's normal. Every kid is different. People do make you feel guilty though.

Re: BTDT Moms I could use some advice

Aw! Kids have different temperaments, its not fair to them to compare them to other kids (although we all do it!) She sounds shy to me...my son has never been shy at all. My daughter is more reserved but then comes out of her shell and runs around like a madwoman. I also know lots of kids who are like your daughter. Probably right now it seems like a terrible thing but it will resolve itself eventually. Shes still so little...

I'd hate to think that anyone was considering your 1 yr old having a meltdown a spectacle at a kids party. Not only do they all have different temperaments, they all ahve their own level of stimulation/overstimulation, hunger, lack of sleep, etc. to deal with that can factor into a child having a meltdown. I suppose Im not giving any advice that is helpful but I just wanted to offer support b/c I know the feeling of wondering "why" - like I said, we all do the comparing at times and tend to really zero in on the things our kids are doing or not doing. You are right though, this too shall pass. That's one definite thing I know about kids in my few short years as a parent, they are always changing and things that are an issue today resolve themselves eventually one way or another (and they you contend with some new issue LOL)

HTH a little bit

Message edited 5/7/2006 9:51:34 PM.

Re: BTDT Moms I could use some advice

Posted by Jamie

So can anyone offer some advice? I don't mind letting her cry a little and helping her to realize that Mommy is coming back, but I don't feel someone's birthday party or other party is the place for that. I would appreciate any advice because this Mommy is so frustrated.

Re: BTDT Moms I could use some advice

Posted by Calla

Posted by Jamie

So can anyone offer some advice? I don't mind letting her cry a little and helping her to realize that Mommy is coming back, but I don't feel someone's birthday party or other party is the place for that. I would appreciate any advice because this Mommy is so frustrated.

My feeling is that if she seems upset when you go away, don't go away. This is age appropriate behavior, and not something you can train her out of. She is anxious, and you make her feel safe. Parties are very overwhelming for many babies!

Re: BTDT Moms I could use some advice

I understand this as well my daughter will do this at times when wwe are at a party that there are too many people around she will cling to me and only me she won't go to Dh or anyone. IT is a phase cuz she is starting to come out of it

Re: BTDT Moms I could use some advice

Posted by monkeybride

Posted by Calla

Posted by Jamie

So can anyone offer some advice? I don't mind letting her cry a little and helping her to realize that Mommy is coming back, but I don't feel someone's birthday party or other party is the place for that. I would appreciate any advice because this Mommy is so frustrated.

My feeling is that if she seems upset when you go away, don't go away. This is age appropriate behavior, and not something you can train her out of. She is anxious, and you make her feel safe. Parties are very overwhelming for many babies!

I completely agree.

Re: BTDT Moms I could use some advice

Just want to make sure that you know that while I say there is nothing you can do about it, that I totally understand how frustrated you feel.