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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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THANK YOU LIFAMILIES!
I found this article on in law relations and we sent it to FMIL. We'll see if she gets the message. The staff writer who wrote it must know my FMIL!
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Posted 6/5/05 10:34 PM  |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: THANK YOU LIFAMILIES!
 Jenn I posted this when this site first started this is so my MIL!
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| Posted 6/5/05 10:45 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: THANK YOU LIFAMILIES!
you too? It is my FMIL to a "t" I mean they must know her because it suits her 100%. I don't know how she'll react to it, but it's worth a shot, things can;t get much worse. Oh, and BTW, thanks for the advice, she actually agreed to come to counseling!
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| Posted 6/6/05 12:09 AM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: THANK YOU LIFAMILIES!
Posted by marymoon
you too? It is my FMIL to a "t" I mean they must know her because it suits her 100%. I don't know how she'll react to it, but it's worth a shot, things can;t get much worse. Oh, and BTW, thanks for the advice, she actually agreed to come to counseling!
I am so glad she said she'd go! It works. It helped my SIL and her hubby. Also I felt better knowing the therapist agraid with me and My MIL "apoligized"
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| Posted 6/6/05 12:41 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: THANK YOU LIFAMILIES!
We've been spekaing to Fh's aunt, who is FMIL's sister, and she's defintiey one to back up her sister, but now she's completely agreeing with us, so I'm hoping that the therapist like Doug' aunt, and I feel, any rational human being, will realize that D's mom is really acting nuts and will tell her so. I hope a 3rd partry perspective will reel this in a little bit. Did your SIL and hubby go together with both parents, or what? Cause in my mind it was the 4 of us. I don't think FH specified to his mom, and she similarly made no indication that his dad would come. Do you think it should be just he and his mom, cause that seems to be the root? I kind of feel like at this point it should be the 4 of us, b/c I think D and I need to be the united front here, and need to be related to as a couple, because that's how the relationship has to work. We're all involved. But I could be totally wrong. D called a counselor and he wants to meet with him first and I guess ask the counselor how to proceed.
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| Posted 6/6/05 12:46 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: THANK YOU LIFAMILIES!
While i see some good points this article makes, i also think it is a load of crap.
AND i think sending this to your FMIL was a immature decision on you and your FH's part. THat article would probably help you a little but imo, really would only put your Fmil on the defense. It pretty much accuses the FIL's of the "bad behavior"
and that isn't the best way to make ammends and rebuild your relationship...by pointing fingers.
I do not think, from what i have read, that this is solely your fil's. I think that your FH plays a BIG part in this equation that you are forgetting. Not to mention your own role.
Like i said, i think that the article has its merits but i am not buying into it 100%. And i think sending that article to your FMIL wasn't the smartest of decisions.
I think that it is wonderful that she has agreed to going to couseling and i think that i wouldn't put her on the defense BEFORE doing this. Only sets it up for failure!
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| Posted 6/6/05 6:54 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: THANK YOU LIFAMILIES!
While OI see what you're saying. EVERY SINGLE thing is says about the FMIL is 100% true in the case of FMIL. It 100% applies to the siituation. It's the truth that she needs to realize, and I thik the points it makes about dealing with your family and your in laws is good too. And honestly, I don't think FH and I have done ANYTHING to FMIL to deserve the way she's treated us. It's not always a two way street. Sometimes one side tries and tries and gives and gives and the other side stomps all over it. We just want my FMIL to realize that the way she's acting is completely irrational and unfounded and based upon her OWN problems, not anything we did or did not do. When her own sister agrees with that, I think it's a pretty safe bet to say I'm not making this up to make myself sound better. I've honestly done nothing bad to my FMIL outside of the realm of normal tiffs anyone would get into w/ any family member. And I've always apologized up and down for everything I did that was remotely wrong, or that SHE felt was wrong, even if I didn't.
Honestly, with the article, she couldn't hate us any more than she already does, so if there's a chance that she'll see it and realize that she's been acting like a psycho, I think it's worth it.
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| Posted 6/6/05 8:20 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: THANK YOU LIFAMILIES!
I am not saying that you are making anything up. But when you have posted about things and issues that you have gotten into with the FIL's. I myself feel that you haven't done things completely on board either (i know of course nobody is perfect). AND to be honest...your FH seems like a spineless jellyfish who makes the problems with your FILs WORSE. And those things are neglected to be mentioned in that article...It is tooo one-sided for it to apply to your situation. I think that your own FH is a BIG factor in this and he needs to change quite a lot as well.
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| Posted 6/6/05 10:17 AM |
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Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
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Re: THANK YOU LIFAMILIES!
I just found a grammatical error in that article and it is driving me nuts!!!
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| Posted 6/6/05 10:24 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: THANK YOU LIFAMILIES!
Posted by Juliet
I just found a grammatical error in that article and it is driving me nuts!!!
Don't keep reading then, there are about a dozen more at least!
Where's my red pen when i need it?
Red, you're 100% right. The articles leaves out or glosses over a lot of important issues. My FH has contributed to the situation in a lot of ways, but if you read my more recent posts on the subject, a LOT has changed and he has totally committed himself to standing up for me, and he's been doing a great job of standing up to his parents, and having a spine, and some other important body parts. I know it doens't make everything 100% ok, but I really personally feel that he's made a big change through all of the crap we've been going through recently, and he's come out a much stronger and much more capable person, and much much more dedicated to me. You're absolutely right, I can't say he didn't act like a "spineless jellyfish" at times in the past, but I don't think that describes him at all now. And the article did have a section about how to deal with in las and parents and how to set boundaries, etc etc. It didn't touch upon my personal feelings on the subject which are, if he can't defend you and be on YOUR side and protect you from abuse, then he's not worth it, hence the whole thing of me considering calling it all off, but somehow along the way, I think that scared some sense into him, and he's really been acting like the man he should be.  I appreciate all of your honest feedback, it's important not to gloss over the important issues at hand
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| Posted 6/6/05 2:52 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: THANK YOU LIFAMILIES!
Well i am glad to hear everything is going positively for you. IMO it is extremely important that your SO supports you and that you work together to solve problems...And it sounds like that your relationship has grown for the better!
Best of luck with the in-laws
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| Posted 6/6/05 4:18 PM |
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