What would you do???

I have written before about my SS, he is 17, graduating HS next weekend, we don't see him much at all now that he has his car and what not. He came with us yesterday for father's day, I thought we had a nice day and we dropped him off after. That night I was on the web and came upon his twitter page. He does not know we know about it. I seriously wasn't spying, I was looking something up with his name and up popped this twitter page. We never said boo about it, but since we don't see him all that much anymore, it was kind of our way of just seeing what he is up to. We've known about it for a while.

So anyway...last night I see he posted something and I seriously started to cry. It said....I am going to my dad's.....I would rather take a bath in acid.

Seriously, what do you say to that and do you say anything? Because seriously, it will be a cold day in hell before I ever forget what he wrote. I was so excited for his prom this week and graduation....now, I have no desire to go. I do not want to give him a gift either. If this is how he feels about us, why should we give him anything.

And again, if this is how he feels, I don't want him near my daughter or baby on the way. I don't need some fake arse coming around for 5 minutes to play with my kids.

I am seriously so upset and hurt by this.
I want to let him know somehow that we saw it....how?

Any suggestions?

Re: What would you do???

That's terrible! What a crappy thing to say!

You are really stuck between a rock and a hard spot. If you tell him you saw it, he's going to think you were spying on him. My co-worker is going through this situation with her college-aged daughter right now and it's tough. Now her daughter has her blocked on everything so she can't keep tabs on her. However, my co-worker was doing it to "spy". Even though it is on the web, it's a feeling of invasion of privacy to them.

I don't know that I would say anything. It's not going to help. Just keep doing what you are doing in trying to keep a nice, positive atmosphere with your family when he's around. I know it's not easy. There are days that I want to completely forget I have a SD but I keep in mind she is a pre-teen and they are difficult. I would still go to the pre-prom party and the graduation and try to forget about his comment, as hurtful as it was.

Re: What would you do???

I am sorry that happened, I could understand how hurt you felt seeing that. My SD did something similar to me when she was about 12. She had written in her diary how much she hated me, calling me all sorts of names and saying just flat out ugly things about me and she made sure to leave it on her bed with it opened to that page so when I went in to make her bed after she went back home, I was sure to see it. I never said anything although I was hurt b/c if I did my DH would have just brushed it off or accused me of snooping.

sorry I went on and on, just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel. I wouldn't say anything, b/c like a PP poster said, you don't want him to then make everything private - and it is a way to check up on him, but just keep it in mind going forward when he wants nice things from you and DH. The more my SD treated me like garbage, the less nice things I did for her.

Re: What would you do???

Thank you....we are going to wait it out til after the weeks events. But its going to be a tough week seeing his face. I honestly do not know what to do. We were going to throw him a party in July, but kinda feel like why bother....so he can write it stunk afterwards.

Message edited 6/21/2010 5:35:35 PM.

Re: What would you do???

Wow....that must have made you guys feel terrible

It's a hard call....I always try to think of it in terms of what my reaction would be if my own biological child ( or if your DH's son lived with you) said the same thing....As hurtful as it is, I bet he says similar things about having to spend time with his mom, grandparents, etc. when he rather would be with his friends "hanging out" ...Or to put on the "cool" front for his friends ( which is who is audience is on Twitter I'm sure)

Did he treat you both respectfully in person ? If so, as much as that comment is hurtful, I guess I would "try" to chalk it up to the age if you can...I remember saying some hurtful teenage punk things to my parents at that age and now that they are gone, I am sorry I did, but know it was just the age

Re: What would you do???

I am so sorry, that is so hurtful.

I think you should probably just leave it alone; I agree with PP that it sounds like a teenager being cool in front of his friends. Try to base your judgments on his behavior with you; teenagers aren't good at hiding true feelings. If he were that upset at having to spend the day with his Dad, I think you would have had an awful day together.

Keep your plans and try to let it roll if your back.

Re: What would you do???

I understand how you feel. I just want to say that it's perfectly ok to look up his twitter, FB, Myspace page. Kids today don't communicate and it's my only way of finding out whats going on with him. The only trouble with that is you cant say you saw it. I've caught my SS in so many lies thanks to this. Sometimes its not worth looking at, it just gets you upset/pizzed.

Message edited 6/22/2010 2:20:47 PM.

Re: What would you do???

I agree about trying to be cool in front of his friends as much as it sucks. How is your relationship with him?

My SD once told her mom that I was giving her nasty looks and then told her that my son was mean to her. She said it to get attention from her mom but since then I have kind of isolated myself from her when she comes over. DH has noticed and is hurt about it but what can we do. I can relate with you about not wanting to be around them sometimes. I try to remember the age and the changes they're going through. Sorry your feelings were hurt

Re: What would you do???

I played nice for prom today!! He was actually very nice...I just don't get it...he even wanted to take a pic with me. Maybe he just hates DH..lol....and not me. Oh well.

Re: What would you do???

I'm sorry you saw that, how terrible. My SD is going through this but not just with us, I see it in her attitude all around. The other day, she got into a fight with DH and "deleted" us both from her BBM and Facebook. I didn't even realize it since i'm so disgusted with her lately that I don't even bother keeping tabs but when she came over that weekend, we were laughing about something and she tried to send me an image on my phone and blurted out, OH I HAVE TO "RE-ADD" you!!. I made a comment that next year, in 10th grade, maybe she will start acting a bit more mature. She replied...probably not! ha ha ha ha. It may just be a "teenage" thing although my SS has never done ANYTHING LIKE THIS. My stepson is an angel, my stepdaughter (although I lover her crazy arse to pieces) is just a nut job. They were raised in the same homes, same guidance, got the same things...it's just their personalities. Don't read into it too much. He'll grow up eventually........one would hope!

Re: What would you do???

Posted by Bops

Wow....that must have made you guys feel terrible

It's a hard call....I always try to think of it in terms of what my reaction would be if my own biological child ( or if your DH's son lived with you) said the same thing....As hurtful as it is, I bet he says similar things about having to spend time with his mom, grandparents, etc. when he rather would be with his friends "hanging out" ...Or to put on the "cool" front for his friends ( which is who is audience is on Twitter I'm sure)

Did he treat you both respectfully in person ? If so, as much as that comment is hurtful, I guess I would "try" to chalk it up to the age if you can...I remember saying some hurtful teenage punk things to my parents at that age and now that they are gone, I am sorry I did, but know it was just the age