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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Where do you draw the line...
...between people bringing up their own experiences to HELP YOU with your's versus them TAKING OVER the discussion and making it all about them?
How do you tell the difference?
Is it just the AMOUNT of times they do it to you? Or is it something else?
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Posted 1/31/07 1:24 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
Not sure about drawing a line since I let the person have their say & decide from there whether to take their advice.
On here, for the posts asking for advice - which you are more qualified to give if you've had the experience IMO - I would say I'd want to hear what happened.
Maybe I don't understand the question.
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| Posted 1/31/07 1:31 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
Posted by nrthshgrl
Not sure about drawing a line since I let the person have their say & decide from there whether to take their advice.
On here, for the posts asking for advice - which you are more qualified to give if you've had the experience IMO - I would say I'd want to hear what happened.
Maybe I don't understand the question.
I guess I'm sort of talking about posts here.
Some posters I feel offer their experience to help out.
And others I feel turn it to be all about them. (I'm sure I've been guilty of that myself.)
So I guess my question is really, are there sometimes when you feel a poster has taken your post and turned it into their topic and how do you feel about that?
And if they do that consistantly, do you feel differently about them overall?
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| Posted 1/31/07 1:38 PM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
I've seen it, too. I've probably done it, too.
I guess if it were my post, i would probably say soemthing if i was annoyed and felt like my question went unanswered.
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| Posted 1/31/07 1:42 PM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
I'm not likely to get upset about it online unless it is really out of hand. It hasn't happened to me on LIF.
In person is when it bugs me and it's the frequency and the way it's done. If you tell your story and get back to mine, no problem. If you use every comment I make as an introduction to an hour long story about you, there is something wrong.
And yes, I will think less of a person if they constantly do it.
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| Posted 1/31/07 1:49 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
When I do ask for advice, I expect that people are going to give their experience or empathize with me in some way so it doesn't bother me.
I'm definitely guilty of it particularly on the other boards where I assume people are asking for the "What do you do about x?" is a request for the BTDTs.
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| Posted 1/31/07 2:08 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
I've been on numerous message boards and what usually happens is that there is a "majority" opinion and the few people in the minority get told they are wrong and why. Then, someone in the majority will make additional threads making fun of the person in the minority. That's what happened in the relationship board. Now, girls keep posting threads about strip clubs making fun of people whose opinions were against them. For your question, it's hard to draw a line because most people think that they are right and that's it.
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| Posted 1/31/07 2:11 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
Posted by Ellebelle1
I've been on numerous message boards and what usually happens is that there is a "majority" opinion and the few people in the minority get told they are wrong and why. Then, someone in the majority will make additional threads making fun of the person in the minority. That's what happened in the relationship board. Now, girls keep posting threads about strip clubs making fun of people whose opinions were against them. For your question, it's hard to draw a line because most people think that they are right and that's it.
But sometimes it's not even a debating issue.
Sometimes it's like the OP will say
"I can't wait to go to Florida"
And then the response will be:
"Oh, I know how you feel. When I blah blah blah" and it never circles back to the OP.
And I'm not necessarily talking about my posts, just more in general.
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| Posted 1/31/07 2:18 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
Posted by leighla
I guess I'm sort of talking about posts here.
Some posters I feel offer their experience to help out.
And others I feel turn it to be all about them. (I'm sure I've been guilty of that myself.)
So I guess my question is really, are there sometimes when you feel a poster has taken your post and turned it into their topic and how do you feel about that?
And if they do that consistantly, do you feel differently about them overall?
For the most part, I want to hear their experiences. When you are talking about posting -it's not like it's a back and forth conversation. You get to blabber on and on in your reply uninterrupted.
In person it's totally different. It annoys me.
On a forum, it's called hi-jacking a thread. It happens.  I've never had it consistently done to me, or seen it done over and over again by the same person. But I GUESS if I did I wouldn't think a little differently about the person. I don't know...I find this question a little odd and maybe a little passive-aggressive?
Judging by ElleBelle's reply it seems to be about something else, something more specific? 
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| Posted 1/31/07 2:20 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
Posted by BabyAvocado
I don't know...I find this question a little odd and maybe a little passive-aggressive?
Judging by ElleBelle's reply it seems to be about something else, something more specific?
That's why I clarified in hers. I'm not talking about my posts in particular.
Just something I've noticed more of lately around here.
And something that I wanted to make sure I WASN'T doing.
Thinking some of my past posts I was feeling like sometimes I was bring too much of my experience into the discussion, but then I started thinking "Well, if they are asking advice, isn't wouldn't they WANT to hear about other's experiences?"
So it was a combo post of: is it only me that gets bugged by this and is this something I need to be more aware of in my own responses.
Make more sense now?
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| Posted 1/31/07 2:34 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
I find it annoying if the OP is asking for help and/or advice and the thread gets hijacked to the point where no one is posting about the original question. I do think that if one is asking for advice, people would share their own experiences, if they are relevant to the question at hand.
The hijacks don't bother me as much if it is about a news topic or gossip type stuff. I guess I figure if someone is looking for help, it's kind of selfish to turn the post into another topic entirely.
Message edited 1/31/2007 2:40:03 PM.
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| Posted 1/31/07 2:39 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
Posted by leighla
That's why I clarified in hers. I'm not talking about my posts in particular.
Just something I've noticed more of lately around here.
And something that I wanted to make sure I WASN'T doing.
Thinking some of my past posts I was feeling like sometimes I was bring too much of my experience into the discussion, but then I started thinking "Well, if they are asking advice, isn't wouldn't they WANT to hear about other's experiences?"
So it was a combo post of: is it only me that gets bugged by this and is this something I need to be more aware of in my own responses.
Make more sense now?
Ah yes...
I think it's probably something we could all try to be concious of depending on the subject of the original post.
Like if it's not a serious post asking for advice - then I personally see nothing wrong with a little hi-jacking now and then... it usually makes for more interesting threads.
But, if it's ME asking for advice, I always want to hear all the stories.  It gives you so much more insight into the person's perspective and why they are saying what they are saying. Also, it's through all those little stories that we all get to "know" each other better.
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| Posted 1/31/07 2:49 PM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
I know exactly what you mean.
And I am sure I am guilty of it myself...but I will make an effort not to. ALthough I do notice it more with certain posts.
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| Posted 1/31/07 2:53 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
I don't like telling people what to do. So if someone asks a question about something I have personal experience in, I'll relate my own instead of giving suggestions on what I think they should do.
I know a lot of people don't see it this way but I type like I talk. In a normal verbal conversation, you don't diligently stick to the opening subject most of the time.
So while some people may see it as hijacking, I see it as the normal flow of conversation. And to me, those are some of the best conversations.
But if it is something serious and specific, you shouldn't hijack. Sometimes I'll see that, ignore the hijacker, and bring it back on topic with a question or comment.
Message edited 1/31/2007 3:41:15 PM.
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| Posted 1/31/07 3:40 PM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
Posted by leighla
...between people bringing up their own experiences to HELP YOU with your's versus them TAKING OVER the discussion and making it all about them?
How do you tell the difference?
Is it just the AMOUNT of times they do it to you? Or is it something else?
Usually it is their intent that does it for me.
Like I know one guy who just likes to talk about himself & most of it is BS anyway, but I have another friend who really has been through alot & I love to get her first-hand advice.
Did you have a recent experience?
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| Posted 1/31/07 4:28 PM |
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
OMG, I can NOT stand when you tell someone a situation or show them your new house (I had that happen recently) and all they can talk about is ME, ME, ME (or in MYYYY house - like I friggin' care)!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 1/31/07 4:30 PM |
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married53005
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/06 636 total posts
Name:
ERIN
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
I would have to say that some people or alot of people rather offer advise on their own experiences which would probably be the only way you would be able to give advise ....... I guess some people then think it opens the door for them to talk about what happened to them instead of just sticking the subject and helpin g you... Does that make sense????
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| Posted 1/31/07 4:31 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
Sometimes I will notice I have done this and Im embarrassed by it. And I will tend to go back and edit a post of mine to make sure its taregted to the OP.
I always tend to put personal experience in a post if it relates to it, BUT always think, OK, am I making this about me....
I think their are posters who have NO IDEA how to think this.
A certain few do it every single time and I avoid their responses, cause its just gonna be about their life story and not even HOW it relates to my questions, concern etc....
So I knwo 100% what you mean.
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| Posted 1/31/07 5:45 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
Posted by leighla
So I guess my question is really, are there sometimes when you feel a poster has taken your post and turned it into their topic and how do you feel about that?
And if they do that consistantly, do you feel differently about them overall?
#1 
#2 
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| Posted 1/31/07 8:53 PM |
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julz33
i run for bacon
Member since 5/05 20584 total posts
Name:
julz
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Re: Where do you draw the line...
If I am looking for advice or opinions I prefer when people share their personal stories. I have done it myself plenty of times... I feel that an opinion or advice based on an actual experience is more valuable than one based on speculation.
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| Posted 1/31/07 9:08 PM |
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