Why is DH so careless with DD??? Anyone have the same problems???

Okay, my DH loves DD to death, but i find him to be a bit careless with her. I feel like i sometimes dont trust him with her. Not where he would intentionally hurt her. He would never do that. Just other things bother me. Example, he doesnt tighten the car seat well enough and I have always told him that it has to be more snug..that she can possibly fly out of it god forbid he gets in an accident. He usually buckles her in the seat when we leave but I have to check it before i drive off.

I feel as though i shouldnt have to check it. He should know better. It drives me nuts. He also never knows what and when to feed her. I have to constantly remind him and he doesnt keep an good eye on her when she is doign things. She isnt walking yet so thats not a problem. I dont know, maybe im just to paranoid that something will happen to her and maybe Im the problem. I feel like a bit of a control freak when it comes to her. It causes lots of fights between us because he doesnt do it "right" in my eye. And its just not those examples, there are a few more.

Is he just being a "man" or am I just being to hard on him? Does anyone else have these problems?

Re: Why is DH so careless with DD??? Anyone have the same problems???

I think you're being too hard on him. I know it's hard to let go and let someone else be in charge even for an hour, but you have to give him the chance to develop confidence and the only way he can do that is by trial and error like we all do. Constantly being told he's not doing it right or good enough is only going to cause him to give up, and then when you NEED help you'll be on your own! You just have to trust his judgement and let him find his way.

ETA - as for not knowing what to feed, that is normal. I've always been in charge of that and it changes as they grow and DH is not always up to speed on the latest addition/change.

Message edited 12/3/2007 8:51:59 AM.

Re: Why is DH so careless with DD??? Anyone have the same problems???

Re: Why is DH so careless with DD??? Anyone have the same problems???

I think that as moms - we don't like any other way - but our way. My DH is really pretty good with listening to me about things - but he does want to do things "his way" sometimes. I let him. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't.

As for the food - I always tell him what/when the baby is eating. Because we change things all the time I don't expect him to keep on top of the veggie of the week.

Dh will constantly roll or lift DS a ton of times right after he eats. I always remind him to stop bc he just ate. He never listens. But, he listens once he spits up all over him! Sweet revenge!

ETA: it drives me crazy the way DH changes DS's diaper. He won't have the new one ready before he takes the old one off. OH - and he only holds one leg up . Drives me up a freaking wall.....DH could care less!

Message edited 12/3/2007 8:56:44 AM.

Re: Why is DH so careless with DD??? Anyone have the same problems???

I think it's just a man thing. Their intentions are good - I think they just don't have that mother's intuition we have.

DH has no problem squeezing DD (1 yrs old, 23 pounds) in the infant carrier still because he hasn't gotten around to putting his new car seat in. He also didn't think much of using one of her stuffed animals and taking a little nap while she was crawling around in her room a while back. He thought, I have the door closed and I'm in here with her...what trouble can she get into. Or how she peed on the floor last night because he undressed her before her bath was ready. Just don't always think things through. Lots of little things. And we have the same issue with the car seat, he still can't figure out how to buckle her in good. I really think it's just a man thing and we have to pick our battles.

Re: Why is DH so careless with DD??? Anyone have the same problems???

Posted by missrock
You are right, he doesnt have much confidence because of me. Sometimes its just so hard to keep my mouth shut. I know when im not home he does fine, but when there and see things that drive me crazy i just go at him. Its funny, i know what im doing is wrong and feel bad for always harping on him, but i cant control it sometimes.

Re: Why is DH so careless with DD??? Anyone have the same problems???

Why would the car seat need adjusting? Once in a while, depending on the season or growth spurts, but the straps shouldn't be adjusted on a routine basis. We don't loosen ours, so we never have to worry about tightening them. Too much risk for either one of us. Everyone gets rushed or frazzled at one time or another, and to rely on your own memory to tighten the straps is too risky.

Just because DH does things differently doesn't make it wrong. He doesn't know what to feed DD, but that's because he doesn't do it often.

It's not a "guy" thing, it's a "you do this every day, and it's all new for him" thing. I'm sure you do things that he doesn't agree with, but he doesn't say anything because, while he wouldn't do it that way, it's fine, so no reason to bring it up. The car seat is an issue, but anything else is just different parenting styles, as long as she is safe.

Re: Why is DH so careless with DD??? Anyone have the same problems???

You need to step back a bit. He is not going to do things the way you do, no one will. However, he would never put his daughter in any type of danger and he will take care of her just fine. If you keep nagging at him and going over what he has done, he is just going to give up and not bother at all. After all, wouldn't you?

Re: Why is DH so careless with DD??? Anyone have the same problems???

Except for the carseat thing, I think you are being too hard on him. Unless DC has a set schedule (e.g. eats at 9, 12, and 3) then let him do it his way.

I was the same way until I went back to work and DH was taking care of DD all on his own 3 days a week. You know what? HE figured out a better schedule for her. And because I loosened the reigns, he's MUCH more confidant in his parenting skills- which makes ME more trusting that he'll do everything *right*.

As for the carseat thing- in the hospital, the nurses showed us that the straps are tight enough when you can just barely get a finger under the strap. Also, if you can pinch the strap, then it's too loose. This gave us a VISUAL as to whether she was strpped in tight enough.....

Re: Why is DH so careless with DD??? Anyone have the same problems???

Posted by GoldenRod

Why would the car seat need adjusting? Once in a while, depending on the season or growth spurts, but the straps shouldn't be adjusted on a routine basis. We don't loosen ours, so we never have to worry about tightening them. Too much risk for either one of us. Everyone gets rushed or frazzled at one time or another, and to rely on your own memory to tighten the straps is too risky.

Just because DH does things differently doesn't make it wrong. He doesn't know what to feed DD, but that's because he doesn't do it often.

It's not a "guy" thing, it's a "you do this every day, and it's all new for him" thing. I'm sure you do things that he doesn't agree with, but he doesn't say anything because, while he wouldn't do it that way, it's fine, so no reason to bring it up. The car seat is an issue, but anything else is just different parenting styles, as long as she is safe.

Re: Why is DH so careless with DD??? Anyone have the same problems???

Posted by Kitkat

Posted by GoldenRod

Why would the car seat need adjusting? Once in a while, depending on the season or growth spurts, but the straps shouldn't be adjusted on a routine basis. We don't loosen ours, so we never have to worry about tightening them. Too much risk for either one of us. Everyone gets rushed or frazzled at one time or another, and to rely on your own memory to tighten the straps is too risky.

Just because DH does things differently doesn't make it wrong. He doesn't know what to feed DD, but that's because he doesn't do it often.

It's not a "guy" thing, it's a "you do this every day, and it's all new for him" thing. I'm sure you do things that he doesn't agree with, but he doesn't say anything because, while he wouldn't do it that way, it's fine, so no reason to bring it up. The car seat is an issue, but anything else is just different parenting styles, as long as she is safe.

I'm sorry if I offended you, you are right. I probably worded it wrong. It's just "his" way of doing things. And they are safe at the end of the day. Most of the time

When I said it's a guy thing, I should say more along the lines of the fact that most of the time the women do most of the care taking so they simply don't do it enough to have a set routine established.