Widowed Parents?

My Mom lost her husband (my step Dad) just a little over a year ago. This seems to be a very hard time for her right now. We lost him on Thanksgiving Day last year. What a hard day. They weren't that close, but had known each other for 38 years and were married for about 25 of those years. She is lonely now. I'm an only child to my Mom, but I have three step sisters, two step brothers and lots of nieces. She is close with all of them, and so am I, but it's just not the same. They have lost their Dad and Mom at this point, so all they have is my Mom, their step mom.

How do I help her through all of this? I just don't know what to do or say sometimes. She is lonely, and doesn't work. She is at our house almost every weekend helping us with the house or just eating over. Me & my DH both work, so during the week, we don't see her to often.

Are there any places that you can suggest she go to, to make new friends or just have something to do? She lives in Westbury right now, but will be moving to the Farmingdale area soon. I can't be there every moment to be with her and I want her to have a life. She is too young to stop living. She is 66 yrs old. Still has many years ahead of her, thank god.

Any advice would be very helpful. TIA!

Re: Widowed Parents?

Does your mother enjoy playing Bingo? Is she religious, would being more involved in her religion help? She could also volunteer as a foster grandmother or even go to hospitals holding babies who were abandoned and aren't being adopted. There is a need for people to come to hospitals and literally just hold babies. Many of theses babies have been abandoned and need to be held in order to develop.
Also volunteering a homeless shelter, a soup kitchen, foster grandmother to orphans, etc... She might find a rewards in helping others. Letting her go on with her life doing good. Studies have been shown that volunteering helps with depression and people do volunteer are happier people. I would strong suggest it.
If not, playing bingo tends to be a great way for seniors to make friends. They have halls that are open seven days a week, even on holidays. You will have to look them up. But either way its important that your mother goes out and makes friends. I hope this helps!

Re: Widowed Parents?

Thanks Bonnie! Those are all great ideas. I will have to talk with her about some of them.

Re: Widowed Parents?

I'm glad! Let me know how it works out. I also want to apologize for posting about my brother on this board. I didn't realize what kind of board this was. Please know I meant no disrespect.

Let me know how your mom is doing. I use to work with seniors and they do have a lot programs out there for them. You might want to contact a social worker and see what they might suggest. I'm not saying your mother needs a social worker, but they can give you information on actives for seniors.

Re: Widowed Parents?

I never thought about talking with a social worker. That is a good idea too. Thanks.

Don't apologize for posting about your brother. I thought it was a very nice post. I think you posted it on the right board. I wouldn't know what other board to have put that on.

Re: Widowed Parents?

Posted by JldDolphin

I never thought about talking with a social worker. That is a good idea too. Thanks.

Don't apologize for posting about your brother. I thought it was a very nice post. I think you posted it on the right board. I wouldn't know what other board to have put that on.

Re: Widowed Parents?

Posted by EmberLynn

Posted by JldDolphin

I never thought about talking with a social worker. That is a good idea too. Thanks.

Don't apologize for posting about your brother. I thought it was a very nice post. I think you posted it on the right board. I wouldn't know what other board to have put that on.

Thank you. I just saw all theses post about sadness and I felt like really bad that I posted something so happy. I really hope things works out. I worked with seniors as an EMT and a Home Health aid. Senior depression and just plan loness is all too common. Your mother is very lucky to have a daughter who cares so much for her. Many people get wrapped up in their lives they often (not intentionally) over look this sort of problem. But her problem is real and you are doing the right thing in asking for advice. I hope this would open other peoples eyes to their lonely parents needs. DH grandparents might have to stop driving. They aren't taking the idea too well either. Its hard to give being independent. But that is why you have family to be there. You did a good thing for your mother today. Good luck!.

Re: Widowed Parents?

Posted by JldDolphin

Posted by EmberLynn

Posted by JldDolphin

I never thought about talking with a social worker. That is a good idea too. Thanks.

Don't apologize for posting about your brother. I thought it was a very nice post. I think you posted it on the right board. I wouldn't know what other board to have put that on.

Thank you. I just saw all theses post about sadness and I felt like really bad that I posted something so happy. I really hope things works out. I worked with seniors as an EMT and a Home Health aid. Senior depression and just plan loness is all too common. Your mother is very lucky to have a daughter who cares so much for her. Many people get wrapped up in their lives they often (not intentionally) over look this sort of problem. But her problem is real and you are doing the right thing in asking for advice. I hope this would open other peoples eyes to their lonely parents needs. DH grandparents might have to stop driving. They aren't taking the idea too well either. Its hard to give being independent. But that is why you have family to be there. You did a good thing for your mother today. Good luck!.

Thanks Bonnie! Depression is a very real thing. I didn't really know she was feeling this way until yesterday. We are close, but she really doesn't talk much about his death, so I just try to talk about other things with her and keep her helping us. If it wasn't for her, my house wouldn't be half of what it is today. We had a lot to clean up at our house and she helped every weekend over the last year. Thanks for all your positive thoughts Bonnie! I really appreciate it.

Message edited 12/17/2008 3:15:16 PM.

Re: Widowed Parents?

Posted by toni-mike

Jen , Even though my mom is not widowed, she joined parents without partners after her & my dad divorced.. It kept her busy doing alot of things. She has her friends she has had for like 40 sum years , but they all had someone , so my mom was the "odd" one out, with parents without partners it wasnt like that, & its not just a divorcee thing, its for widows too. They go to AC, day trips , bingo , bowling etc, & she made alor of lifelong friends too..
Just an idea.

etd to say that the one common thing is everyome has children ..
here is the site

http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/


i actually call it the "cult" but it did help my mom thru a rough patch

Re: Widowed Parents?

My dad died 12 years ago. My mom found a widow's support group and that really helped her out the first year.
That was really the best for her.