Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

I am beyond upset. I am just hoping there is someone out there who has been through this and can give me advice.

I have been potty training Liam (2.5 years old). He is doing great with peeing. In undies, no problem. He goes at home and in public but, refuses to go at school. So he is in diaper there. Poop hasn't been an issue because he is either going at school or while he is sleeping. He pooped on the potty 2 times but, he wasn't so cool with it.

Fast foward to this weekend. He started withholding poop. He didn't go for almost 4 days. I did prune juice, prunes.. everthing. Eventually I had to do 2 glycerin supp. and a laxitive. He went on Sunday all day and was sooo miserable. He was craming and crying all day. Then yesterday he went twice with no problems but, when I cam home and put him in undies for pee training he had 5 ACCIDENTS! He peed in his pants this morning and then I am not sure if he pooped at school at all. Then I get home today and put him in undies but, quickly realize he is withholding poop again. Crying, screaming jumping on me.. awful. He is back in diapers.

I am thinking that I am putting away the underwear and walking away from potty training for 6 months. My mom says I am being stupid. But, she has had serious pressure on me to potty train since this spring. WWYD?

Also, now what with the poop withholding? The doctor had told me to give him senecot everyday with mineral oil at night but, after one dose he had watery D, every 20 minutes. I can't have him like that. I thinik I might have to do a suppository tonight. I am beating myself up and I am just not sure what to do. He is well hydrated and eating fiber. I am soo frustrated and even losing my patience with him.. JUST POOP ALREADY!

UPDATE: I just did another suppository and him and he went right away. It was totally soft, tmi, so he is not constipated. That settles it, I am not potty training anymore. But, I need to know how to get him over this poop withholding hump. I am sitting here rocking him and we are both crying hysterically. I have such guilt. I did this to him by pushing him before he was ready and I don't know how to convince him that it's okay to poop in his diaper. I can't keep giving him an enema every day.

Message edited 10/4/2011 5:17:46 PM.

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

I think 2.5 for a boy is still young. Perhaps he is just not ready.

I wouldn't take any pressure from my mom or MIL about potty training, when he's ready, he'll be ready.

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

I just called my mom and yelled at her (totally out of left field) but, I am so upset. I just told her that I am putting Liam back in diapers and that I don't want to hear anything about potty training at all for the next 6 months.

Of course since she was kind of blindsighted by it she hung up on me.. but, whatever.

I just don't know what to do to get him over this poop withholding pattern. I am devestated and totally beating myself up. I don't know how to help him. It's the most horrible thing to watch.

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

I would put the training on hold for a few months.

He's not comfortable with it yet and pursuing it further is only going to make it worse.

I tried at 2.5 years and DS would NOT poop on the potty. He would go bananas. It's just not worth it. It felt like it was taking forever and everywhere I read, said that when they are truly ready, it shouldn't take more than a week.

We tried again a week before his 3rd birthday and he was trained in 3 days.

Don't torture yourself!

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

You know your child the best - if you think you need to put a break on traning there is nothing wrong with it. I don't think positive results come from pressuring a child to be potty trained before they are ready.

It took two times of trying to potty train my DS and end the end it was when DS was ready. (He was a few weeks shy of 3)

As for my DD, we tried potty training around 2 (she was showing signs she was ready) but was not successful after a week so we have put it on the back burner for a while, probably till late spring - unless she says otherwise.

Good luck!!!!!

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

I think its very confusing for him to somtimes be in diapers and sometimes be in underpants. It should be all of one or the other. If he isn't ready, he isn't ready! Don't kill yourself if he isn't ready. Good luck!

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

I'd def step away from the potty for a while. Training DS was so painless and I really feel it was simply because he was totally ready. He's 3 1/2. Good luck.

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

Ds didn't get poop trained until the week he turned 3. I would take off his diaper and he would pee on the potty but he was afraid to poop. I just let him go at his own pace. When he turned 3 there was a toy he really really wanted but he wasn't allowed to have it until he pooped on the potty. He had a a fear of pooping on the potty. We also got him a little froggy potty. Once he figured out the little one we transitioned him. But it took time. When he was ready it happened.

Ask your ped about Miralax. My sister has to use it on her dd. She withholds and they will have to give her miralax in her juice for 2 weeks to reset her system. It makes it so she can't hold it in. Then she is fine after that.

Good luck and it's not your fault You had no way of knowing he was going to start withholding. It is just his way of taking control.

Message edited 10/4/2011 6:59:49 PM.

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

DS was pee tried by 2 years 4 months (last December). Poop was a DISASTER. He initially would just hide and poop in his underwear. That went on from December to about June, his 3rd birthday. Then he saw me getting mad and started holding it. He would run around doing the poopy dance and cry. I would put him on the potty and he would scream, tears streaming down his face. At one point he had held it 5 days!! Bought the suppository and he wound up going in his pullup after his nap.

It was shortly after that when one day I knew he had to poop (poopy dance was taking place) I would put him on the potty and just walk away. It was so hard hearing him SCREAM my name saying "MOMMY NO POOPY, NOOOOO, OWWWWWW, PLEASE HELP MOMMY, NOOOOO" then all of a sudden it got dead silent and hear him yell "Mommy, come here Ryan pooped! I did it!"

We went through that crying fit during poops for a couple of weeks. And then all of a sudden I'd randomly say "Ry, time to go pee pee because we are leaving" something I'd always done before, and he'd go in the bathroom, and a couple of minutes yell out "Mommy, wipe please I pooped!"

It will get better If you feel he isn't ready then just table it for a month or two and try again. Ignore your mother, only you know what is best for your child.

Can you talk to his school and see where they stand on potty training? I think having someone on him all day would help the whole situation. Being in diapers all day and then underwear when he is home is probably a little confusing to him.

But regardless, 2.5 is still young. DS was over 3 before consistently pooping on the potty. And looking back now I realize I definitely pushed it on him and it probably took so long to accomplish because he wasn't completely ready.

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

Hi, VERY LONG

I wanted to write to you to talk to you about the withholding.

Unfortunately I have a DD that has WITHHELD her poop since she started drinking whole milk, around age 1. Something about going just made her want to hold it in. Foods, juices, etc did NOT work for softening the stool enough to make her go easily. So whenever the poop was even slightly firm, she would withhold.

With the guidance and OK from my ped, I unfortunately had to use stool softener on my DD for almost 2 years. Ugh. Not happy about that but she would withhold to the point that it would get like a rock and then have to be MANUALLY removed. Awful and sad. We spent many days crying and my whole days revolved around poop sometimes if she hadnt gone or was withholding (she would stand there clenching it back). She would still withhold if I did not use the Miralax, or use enough of it.

What is my point? Well potty training. I figured due to the withholding issues she already had, I didnt want to potty train until I had to, b/c I figured it would be a nightmare due to withholding. At your DS age, I had a potty out for about 2 weeks and she would sometimes sit on it for "fun" but if I put her on it naked, forget it. So I put it away, this was about at your sons age. So I waited until this Sept (she is going to be 3 soon) due to her going into preschool.

Oddly enough...it worked the opposite for me. For some reason, maybe based on age...I did the 3 day potty training and she pooped on the toilet (fighthing me but I somehow convinced her to stay on it, oh, MnMs thats right). And she has pooped in the toilet everyday, since that day (about almost one month now). This is a child that CHOSE to withhold it b/c it hurt and she wanted to keep it in, which caused more hurt. I am still amazed she is going and even to the point where I have been able to FINALLY take her off the Miralax. I think in her case, sitting down is helping to make it come out easier than standing or laying as a baby in a diaper. Sometimes on the toilet, she will cry and say "It hurts, no mommy no". And I will remind her that she has to push it out, and that it wont hurt anymore. And the MnMs help, as a reward and then she does it.

So here is my suggestion to you. Talk to your ped about using MIRALAX. It is a GENTLE stool softener that works gradually. My DD never got loose stools from it, just softened them enough that she didnt feel the hurt going. I would use about 1/4 capful daily. So talk to your ped about doing this, so that your DS cannot hold it back so easily b/c they hold it back when its firm ehough to hold back. Then maybe he will not be able to hold it in and finally will go in the diaper.

Then I say forget about the training for now. Start over in a couple of mths and try the 3 day potty training. I think my DDs age and mental state is why it worked for us, she is old enough for us to rationalize with her and I think thats what helps me convince her to push or that she had to sit on the toilet to poop.

HTH. I know, for too long, how exhausting and upsetting holding back the poop is.

Message edited 10/4/2011 10:22:53 PM.

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

Ok... sooooooo not there yet, so I don't know how helpful I could possibly be... and you MAY already be doing this, buy my friend said she would take her DS's poopie diapers and she and her boy would go into the bathroom and dump it in the toilet and wave goodbye to the poopie as it went down. Supposedly, it gets them in the mode of eventually going on the toilet. It sounded good to me and it's something I plan on doing.

If that was no help to you, I'm sorry and can only offer you lots of . It's obvious it's tearing you up inside to see him like that and I feel your pain.

It sucks now, but it will pass. And my DH tells me in situations like this that you can't feel that guilty when you know you're doing something that is for your son's benefit! Good luck!!!

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

My mom is also harassing me to pt my ds.

A month before he turned 3 he peed in the potty for 2 days straight. He withheld his poop for 3 days, saying his stomach hurt , asking for his diaper. I yelled cat him bc I know he can do it! Wound up calling the doctor and she told me to forget it , he is not ready. Now my ds turned 3. It's so frustrating bc he still doesn't want to, but I'm afraid to push the issue and make it worse. So I will wait another month and try it again

People asking me about potty training doesn't make it easier bc ds hears it and he wants nothing to do with it

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

Posted by Goobster

Hi, VERY LONG

I wanted to write to you to talk to you about the withholding.

Unfortunately I have a DD that has WITHHELD her poop since she started drinking whole milk, around age 1. Something about going just made her want to hold it in. Foods, juices, etc did NOT work for softening the stool enough to make her go easily. So whenever the poop was even slightly firm, she would withhold.

With the guidance and OK from my ped, I unfortunately had to use stool softener on my DD for almost 2 years. Ugh. Not happy about that but she would withhold to the point that it would get like a rock and then have to be MANUALLY removed. Awful and sad. We spent many days crying and my whole days revolved around poop sometimes if she hadnt gone or was withholding (she would stand there clenching it back). She would still withhold if I did not use the Miralax, or use enough of it.

What is my point? Well potty training. I figured due to the withholding issues she already had, I didnt want to potty train until I had to, b/c I figured it would be a nightmare due to withholding. At your DS age, I had a potty out for about 2 weeks and she would sometimes sit on it for "fun" but if I put her on it naked, forget it. So I put it away, this was about at your sons age. So I waited until this Sept (she is going to be 3 soon) due to her going into preschool.

Oddly enough...it worked the opposite for me. For some reason, maybe based on age...I did the 3 day potty training and she pooped on the toilet (fighthing me but I somehow convinced her to stay on it, oh, MnMs thats right). And she has pooped in the toilet everyday, since that day (about almost one month now). This is a child that CHOSE to withhold it b/c it hurt and she wanted to keep it in, which caused more hurt. I am still amazed she is going and even to the point where I have been able to FINALLY take her off the Miralax. I think in her case, sitting down is helping to make it come out easier than standing or laying as a baby in a diaper. Sometimes on the toilet, she will cry and say "It hurts, no mommy no". And I will remind her that she has to push it out, and that it wont hurt anymore. And the MnMs help, as a reward and then she does it.

So here is my suggestion to you. Talk to your ped about using MIRALAX. It is a GENTLE stool softener that works gradually. My DD never got loose stools from it, just softened them enough that she didnt feel the hurt going. I would use about 1/4 capful daily. So talk to your ped about doing this, so that your DS cannot hold it back so easily b/c they hold it back when its firm ehough to hold back. Then maybe he will not be able to hold it in and finally will go in the diaper.

Then I say forget about the training for now. Start over in a couple of mths and try the 3 day potty training. I think my DDs age and mental state is why it worked for us, she is old enough for us to rationalize with her and I think thats what helps me convince her to push or that she had to sit on the toilet to poop.

HTH. I know, for too long, how exhausting and upsetting holding back the poop is.

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate all of the responses. I talked to the ped when he started this and she said Miralox or senacot with mineral oil and the suppositories when I had to.

I did the seacot and the supp. the first day and it was too much. Cramping watery D.. etc.

So i haven't done anything since then. But, I think at your suggestions I may switch to the Miralax for a week or two. He went a few times today. There was a LOT of pushig and grunting (for a very soft poop) But, he wasn't holding it. But, I am worried that when it gets harder he may hold it again. So I am buying the miralax tonight and trying it. Hopefully this just goes away.

The worst part is he is asking about the potty and my SIL sent him a card about how well he was doing on the potty. I am just stopping all potty talk for now.

I think he is becoming Poop obsessed. He keeps asking to see it after he goes in his diaper!

And I totally agree about all or nothing with undies but, he was going nuts at daycare. Kicking screaming and throwing fits whenever they brought him to the potty.. but, going fine and loving it at home! So I got him going in public and all over in different potties. I was about to ask them to try again when this happened. Soooo. I will wait a few months. It's just not worth it.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

My DD has always tended toward constipation, and when I recently potty trained her (age 2.5) she withheld for several days, to the point I had to use suppositories. It was awful.

Anyway, at the ped's advice I've had her on Miralax for a week or two now, and it's been a LIFESAVER. Totally gentle, yet it ended the withholding problem and helped her overall constipation issues. Now she's pooping on a daily basis, and has really been accident-free since it doesn't cause cramps or diarrhea. Try the Miralax, it was exactly what we needed to get past this hurdle!!!!!

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

FM me i have lived this!!! i feel for u

Re: Withholding Bm's. (long sorry.. but, I need help)

Okay so I didnt read all the other posters responses, but let me tell you I have a DS who did the SAME thing.

We pee pee trained at 2y10m. It took 1 day for him to get the pee pee part. I mean it was so easy to the point that on day 2 we would go out for hours with underwear on and he never had an accident.

Then the BM issues started. We trained first week Nov 2010. By mid Dec he was only going BM once every 4-5 days. He was in so much pain when it was time to go I felt horrible. I put him on Miralax (watch the dose though because it can cause it to be horribly messy. I just did enough to loosen it up so that DS woudl HAVE to go and wouldnt withold it.) I had to put him in miralax for 8 weeks because after 1 month of on and off holding it, he messed up his system. My ped said we had to clear him out, let his gut shrink back to normal and retrain his thought process that pooping hurt. My ped said to let him decide where to poop (diaper pull ups, potty) just not in his underwear. So we did pull ups. DS would be in his underwear all day and when I noticed that look I would switch to a pull up. Then he started asking to have a pull up on when he had to poop.

Fast forward DS is 3y9m. I still can't get him to go on the potty. Not sure if he has memories of hte pain (he keeps referring to when we were at Disney and he went on the potty---lets just say it was a horrible experience because he was SOOOO backed up) but he is "potty trained" he never has accidents. He asks if he has a pull up on before ever going and will always let me know. Its not ideal and I am working every day to get to the source of his stubborness but it could be worse I guess.

Not sure I have advice really. But just sympathy!
GL whatever you decide to do!