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Rycois
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J
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Would you be upset? DH related
DH is going to be with DC a few days a wk b/c his schedule rotates so we're not off on the same days. He has been doing a lot of work on the house but it is NO WHERE near done (we have one bathroom that is practically gutted but functional and a lot of crap projects around the house). Anyway, this week he has DC M, Tu, Wed and I'm off Thu, Fri. I just called and he said his mother came and took Ryan out b/c he and his dad are working on getting the boat started. Meanwhile, my mom offered to take DC tomorrow so work could be done around the house. I'm upset b/c I feel like he is gearing up for a hobby that frankly I think needs to take a backseat this year. I understand he works hard on the house and needs a break once and a while but I don't think it should be in lieu of being with DS or me. Am I being too hard on him?
ETS: I also think this is my jealousy - I am upset I'll be back to work FT soon and knowing what I would give to be with DS. It annoys me to think DH is planning to be fishing on days off when he could be with DS.
Message edited 8/4/2008 1:52:08 PM.
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Posted 8/4/08 1:51 PM  |
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nrthshgrl
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
I would probably not be upset. He's off & working on the house, the boat, etc. Your dc are being cared for. I would rather see my kids spend the day with a grandparent than to be half-assed watched by someone who was trying to work on a project. Also if my house is under construction than I would definitely want them out of the house.
I grew up with boats so I could see the need to get the boat in the water. You have a very short season & very few opportunities to take advantage of it.
I used to resent DH's time doing his hobbies. Now I understand it more. He would take off the day to go to the Yankee's Home opener every year. He has band rehearsal every Friday night. I realize that his time was limited to do those things when the kids were young because now he's taking ds to the Yankee games, etc. He can take ds fishing, no?
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:16 PM |
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08BabySurprise
My Life. My Everything.
Member since 10/07 9151 total posts
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Jessee I think it's what you edited to add - it's more you being upset about the time you won't have with Ryan when you go back to work full time... and your dh WILL have that time and you feel like he is blowing it because he would rather do his hobby. While obviously both mom and dad love their baby, I think dad's sometimes show it differently if that makes sense? For example, I can literally sit there land watch Athan sleep for hours. No joke. Chris on the other hand... not so much. I don't think it's terrible that he took a day to work on something that he enjoys with his dad. He did make sure that Ryan was well taken care of. I wouldn't get upset about it unless it starts happening every time he is supposed to be with DS. I would also make sure that he got those home renovations taken care of too 
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:17 PM |
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RM23
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Member since 5/06 997 total posts
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Rachel
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by 08BabySurprise
Jessee I think it's what you edited to add - it's more you being upset about the time you won't have with Ryan when you go back to work full time... and your dh WILL have that time and you feel like he is blowing it because he would rather do his hobby. While obviously both mom and dad love their baby, I think dad's sometimes show it differently if that makes sense? For example, I can literally sit there land watch Athan sleep for hours. No joke. Chris on the other hand... not so much. I don't think it's terrible that he took a day to work on something that he enjoys with his dad. He did make sure that Ryan was well taken care of. I wouldn't get upset about it unless it starts happening every time he is supposed to be with DS. I would also make sure that he got those home renovations taken care of too
ITA! I think a lot has to do with you going back to work soon, and feeling like you would do anything to spend the day with Ryan in a few weeks...but i totally agree with the above poster...that its not terrible DH took a day for himself...everyones entitled to it at times.
Hang in there....these days are tough, but tonight when your all home together they are very insignificant...we have to try to pick our battles.
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:21 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
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J
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Thanks for responding. I guess that's just it - here I am HAVING to work b/c I'm the breadwinner - so no choice. And we have 2 retired grandparents (his parents) that can't commit to watching DS on a regular basis and a DH with a rotating schedule so no possiblity of PT daycare. So, essentially we'll be paying for full time daycare, when I'd love to be home. And I'm imagining DH using the daycare or his parents to watch DS while he's boating. I know he wouldn't do it often - but I just wouldn't - I wouldn't have Ryan with someone other than me for a full day to do something for fun. Get a manicure, run an errand - something that can be done in a hour or two and he'd be with dad - yes, that I do every so often - but a full day that I could be with him, never.
And although DH would love to, there's no way my 4 month old is going fishing 
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:23 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
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J
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by RM23
Posted by 08BabySurprise
Jessee I think it's what you edited to add - it's more you being upset about the time you won't have with Ryan when you go back to work full time... and your dh WILL have that time and you feel like he is blowing it because he would rather do his hobby. While obviously both mom and dad love their baby, I think dad's sometimes show it differently if that makes sense? For example, I can literally sit there land watch Athan sleep for hours. No joke. Chris on the other hand... not so much. I don't think it's terrible that he took a day to work on something that he enjoys with his dad. He did make sure that Ryan was well taken care of. I wouldn't get upset about it unless it starts happening every time he is supposed to be with DS. I would also make sure that he got those home renovations taken care of too
ITA! I think a lot has to do with you going back to work soon, and feeling like you would do anything to spend the day with Ryan in a few weeks...but i totally agree with the above poster...that its not terrible DH took a day for himself...everyones entitled to it at times.
Hang in there....these days are tough, but tonight when your all home together they are very insignificant...we have to try to pick our battles.
I know - it's not the couple of hours that he's working on the boat now - I guess it's just me picturing him up for fishing season. He said, well maybe one day when you're home I can go out in the evening or something - but I guess that stinks too b/c we are rarely off on the same days - so that could be family time.
Don't get me wrong - DH isn't neglectful in anyway. He's a good dad (in fact, he gave up a work fishing trip last minute to stay home with Ryan) - I guess I'm just stressing about returning FT soon and only having an hour a day with Ryan. DH doesn't know how good he has it to be home by 4:30PM and off sometimes 3 days a wk - I wish we could switch schedules!
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:27 PM |
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nrthshgrl
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Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by SweetCaroline
I know he wouldn't do it often - but I just wouldn't - I wouldn't have Ryan with someone other than me for a full day to do something for fun. Get a manicure, run an errand - something that can be done in a hour or two and he'd be with dad - yes, that I do every so often - but a full day that I could be with him, never.
And although DH would love to, there's no way my 4 month old is going fishing
You may not now, but you definitely will down the line. Everyone needs that time.
If I were paying for full-time daycare while DH was home, than I'd be annoyed.
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:30 PM |
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08BabySurprise
My Life. My Everything.
Member since 10/07 9151 total posts
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by nrthshgrl
If I were paying for full-time daycare while DH was home, than I'd be annoyed.
Oooohhh hold on. You will be paying for FULL daycare even though your DH will be home a few days a week? OK, I would have an issue with that... I missed that.
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:34 PM |
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curliegirl
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Gina
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by SweetCaroline
And although DH would love to, there's no way my 4 month old is going fishing
Oh, come on Jessee, why can't he go fishing?????????????????
I kid I kid....
I know how you feel, but some people are programmed differently. Your DH likely doesn't see the "harm" in working on the boat or the fact that he's not dedicated solely to watching the baby every minute he's not working.
The stress that you put on yourself probably only makes you feel worse because he HAS the opportunity and you don't, which I hate.
Nothing's wore than DH calling to tell me Gavin crawled, and here I am at my desk, just itching to get home.
But I do have to admit that I love my ME time.....
It WILL get better/easier...
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:37 PM |
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Rycois
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Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
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J
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by 08BabySurprise
Posted by nrthshgrl
If I were paying for full-time daycare while DH was home, than I'd be annoyed.
Oooohhh hold on. You will be paying for FULL daycare even though your DH will be home a few days a week? OK, I would have an issue with that... I missed that.
We will be - but it's really not something he can do anything about. His schedule rotates so no daycare provider is going to be OK with our schedule. This week he's off M, Tu, Wed - next week he'll be off Tue, Wed. So, that part is not his fault - it is what it is (s ucky!)
I think I'm just bitter today I'm here at work after having very little sleep (Ryan was up a bunch of times and I had to nurse him twice last night). I'm tired, I'm pumping and my DH is home hanging with his dad working on a boat - his mom and sister and her child are walking in the park with my baby. Again, here I am - UGH
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:38 PM |
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curliegirl
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Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
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Gina
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by 08BabySurprise
Posted by nrthshgrl
If I were paying for full-time daycare while DH was home, than I'd be annoyed.
Oooohhh hold on. You will be paying for FULL daycare even though your DH will be home a few days a week? OK, I would have an issue with that... I missed that.
I think it's becauseher DH is on a rotating schedule and they CAN'T make PT work.....
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:39 PM |
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curliegirl
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Gina
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
his mom and sister and her child are walking in the park with my baby. Again, here I am - UGH
Yes, THAT sux, I know, I have experienced that. SUpposedly my MIL goes to my house every Monday to feed DS......no problem with that, but as his mother, it pulls at my heartstrings that it's not ME feeding him.....
BUt these are the pressures we face as working moms......
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:41 PM |
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Rycois
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Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
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J
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by curliegirl
his mom and sister and her child are walking in the park with my baby. Again, here I am - UGH
Yes, THAT sux, I know, I have experienced that. SUpposedly my MIL goes to my house every Monday to feed DS......no problem with that, but as his mother, it pulls at my heartstrings that it's not ME feeding him.....
BUt these are the pressures we face as working moms......
Here I am thinking I'm jealous - but then I think how 'bout taking my kid for a walk (and then some) a few days a week consistently so I don't have to spend $1200/mo. on daycare?
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:43 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by SweetCaroline
Posted by curliegirl
his mom and sister and her child are walking in the park with my baby. Again, here I am - UGH
Yes, THAT sux, I know, I have experienced that. SUpposedly my MIL goes to my house every Monday to feed DS......no problem with that, but as his mother, it pulls at my heartstrings that it's not ME feeding him.....
BUt these are the pressures we face as working moms......
Here I am thinking I'm jealous - but then I think how 'bout taking my kid for a walk (and then some) a few days a week consistently so I don't have to spend $1200/mo. on daycare?
seriously!
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:44 PM |
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08BabySurprise
My Life. My Everything.
Member since 10/07 9151 total posts
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by SweetCaroline
[We will be - but it's really not something he can do anything about. His schedule rotates so no daycare provider is going to be OK with our schedule. This week he's off M, Tu, Wed - next week he'll be off Tue, Wed. So, that part is not his fault - it is what it is (s ucky!)
I think I'm just bitter today I'm here at work after having very little sleep (Ryan was up a bunch of times and I had to nurse him twice last night). I'm tired, I'm pumping and my DH is home hanging with his dad working on a boat - his mom and sister and her child are walking in the park with my baby. Again, here I am - UGH
Ugh Jessee that sucks. It's the lousy sacrifices we make as full-time working mom's. And I can totally relate with being bitter and tired. I am the Queen of that parade... that's why I dropped of DS at my mom's yesterady afternoon so I could get some ME time... and all I did with my precious "me" time was sleep... GO FIGURE!!! 
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:47 PM |
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08BabySurprise
My Life. My Everything.
Member since 10/07 9151 total posts
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by SweetCaroline
Here I am thinking I'm jealous - but then I think how 'bout taking my kid for a walk (and then some) a few days a week consistently so I don't have to spend $1200/mo. on daycare?
Did you talk to them about maybe doing that? I am sure you did but I thought I would ask anyway for fun... and just to probably pizz you off even more  SORRY!
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:49 PM |
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08BabySurprise
My Life. My Everything.
Member since 10/07 9151 total posts
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by 08BabySurprise
Posted by nrthshgrl
If I were paying for full-time daycare while DH was home, than I'd be annoyed.
Oooohhh hold on. You will be paying for FULL daycare even though your DH will be home a few days a week? OK, I would have an issue with that... I missed that.
I think it's becauseher DH is on a rotating schedule and they CAN'T make PT work.....
Ack! Sorry - I just saw that. Didn't mean anything by it 
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:50 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
Posted by 08BabySurprise
Posted by SweetCaroline
Here I am thinking I'm jealous - but then I think how 'bout taking my kid for a walk (and then some) a few days a week consistently so I don't have to spend $1200/mo. on daycare?
Did you talk to them about maybe doing that? I am sure you did but I thought I would ask anyway for fun... and just to probably pizz you off even more SORRY!
No, she won't commit to helping out. DH's sister lives abroad and his mom spends a lot of time there with her (as in left when Ryan was 4wks old and just got back last month with the sister - and when his sister goes back in September - his mother will be going with her).
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| Posted 8/4/08 2:52 PM |
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Luv2bAmom
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Member since 2/08 1255 total posts
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J
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Re: Would you be upset? DH related
I don't think this would upset me, DH has a few hobbies that he does mostly on his day off during the week, and as a previous poster said as long as DC is beig cared for, then I don't see a problem with it. We all need our time to do things for ourselves, it keeps us sane.
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| Posted 8/4/08 3:37 PM |
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